From the Spiritual Diary of Saint Paul of the Cross,
priest
(pp. 65; 67-68; 75; 80; Pisani edition, 1964)
Mystical
experiences of St. Paul of the Cross in his own words
“On Friday I was unusually recollected, especially
during Holy Communion. Afterwards I experienced great peace and
consolation with very tender affections. I felt a special fervor in
asking God to hasten the foundation of this holy Congregation in his
Church, and in praying for sinners.
I received a deep, infused
understanding of the sufferings of my Jesus, and I had such an ardent
desire for perfect union with him that I actually longed to feel his
sufferings and to be with him on the cross. In offering to God the
sufferings which my Jesus endured, I was moved to tears; likewise in
praying for all men.
At Holy Communion, I was particularly recollected,
especially as I recalled with great sorrow, the sufferings of my Jesus.
This grace which my dear God gave me at this time is so sublime that I
do not know how to explain it because I cannot.
But you must know that
in recalling the sufferings of my Jesus, sometimes as soon as, I have
recalled one or two of them, I have to stop because my soul can say no
more and feels that it is melting away. It remains thus, languishing
with great delight mingled with tears, with the sufferings of its
Bridegroom infused into it. Or, to express myself better, the soul is
immersed in the heart and sorrows of its beloved Bridegroom, Jesus.
Sometimes, it understands all of them and remains in God through this
loving and sorrowful contemplation. This is very difficult to explain
and it always seems new to me.
I wish I were able to say that everyone
will experience this great grace which God mercifully grants when he
sends us suffering, especially when the suffering is without
consolation. For then the soul is purified like gold in the furnace and
becomes beautiful. It becomes agile so that it may take flight to its
Good, that is, to a blessed transformation which it does not even
perceive.
The soul carries the cross with Jesus and, does not realize
it. This happens because of the number and variety of its sufferings,
which put it in great, forgetfulness, so that it no longer remembers it
is suffering. I understand that this is an excellent way to suffer
fruitfully.
It is very pleasing to God because the soul grows
indifferent to such an extent that it no longer considers whether it is
in joy or in pain. It is concerned only about the most holy will of its
beloved Bridegroom, Jesus. It wants to be crucified with him, because
thus it is more conformed to its beloved God who, all during his holy
life, did nothing but suffer.
On Thursday I experienced a particular
spiritual uplift, especially during Holy Communion. I longed to go and
die as a martyr in some place where the adorable mystery of the most
Blessed Sacrament is denied. The Infinite Goodness has given me this
desire for some time, but today I felt it in a special way. I desired
the conversion of heretics, especially in England and the neighbouring
kingdoms, and I offered a special prayer for this intention during Holy
Communion.
I also had an extraordinary understanding of the
infinite mercy of God,, when our Sovereign Good allowed me to perceive
the infinite love with which he punishes us here, so that he may spare
us in eternity. Because his infinite Majesty knows how his infinite
justice will punish sin, his infinite mercy compassionately inflicts
loving chastisements. With these, he urges his sinful creatures to
correct themselves so that they may escape eternal punishment and
zealously serve him before all else in the world."
