# SECTIONS
 

~ Return to Main Film Quotes Page
~ Trainspotting	~ As Good As It Gets
~ Films by Whit Stillman	~ Canadian Bacon
~ Wonder Boys	~ The Commitments
~ Mallrats	~ Beautiful Girls
~ Films by John Sayles	~ Uncle Buck
~ Neil Jordan's The Miracle	~ The Incredibles
~ Naked Gun	~ Bonfire of the Vanities
~ Bad Santa
~ 300	~ Blazing Saddles (moved to new page)
~ Film Noir (moved to new page)	~ Pirates of the Caribbean (moved to new page)

# TRAINSPOTTING

"People think it's all about misery and desperation and death and all that shit which is not to be ignored, but what they forget is the pleasure of it. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. After all, we're not fucking stupid. "
        - Renton, "Trainspotting"

"Now I've justified this to myself in all sorts of ways. It wasn't a big deal, just a minor betrayal. Or we'd outgrown each other, you know, that sort of thing. But let's face it, I ripped them off - my so called mates. But Begbie, I couldn't give a shit about him. And Sick Boy, well he'd done the same to me, if he'd only thought of it first. And Spud, well okay, I felt sorry for Spud - he never hurt anybody.
So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers - all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaing up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already.
I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die."
        - Renton, "Trainspotting"

"Doesn't it make you proud to be Scottish?"
"It's SHITE being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low. Most people hate the English. I don't. They're just wankers. We're colonised by wankers. We couldn't even find a decent race to be colonised by. It's a shite state of affairs to be in, and no amount of fresh air is ever going to change that."
        - Tommy and Renton, out in the beautiful Scottish countryside, "Trainspotting"

"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers...choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose a future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?"
        - Renton, "Trainspotting"

# AS GOOD AS IT GETS

"I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!"
        - Mervin, "As Good As It Gets"

"How can you diagnose me as obsessive compulsive and then tell me I have a choice about barging in here?"
        - Melvin Udall & his Psychiatrist, "As Good As It Gets"

"You make me want to be a better man."
"That's maybe the best compliment of my life."
"Well maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out."
        - Melvin Udall & Carol, "As Good As It Gets"

"Do you want to dance?"
"I've been thinking about that for a while."
"[standing up] Well? "
" No."
        - Carol & Melvin,  "As Good As It Gets"

"Judging from you're eyes, I'd say you were fifty."
"Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were kind."
        - Melvin & Carol, "As Good As It Gets"

"How do you write women so well?"
"I think of men, and I take away reason and accountability."
        - Fan & Melvin, "As Good As It Gets"

"I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence", and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me."
        - Melvin, "As Good As it Gets"

# WHIT STILLMAN FILMS

"Here in Barcelona, everything was swept aside. The world was turned upside down and stayed there."
"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe the world was upside down before, and now it's right side up?"
        - Ted (Taylor Nichols) & Fred (Chris Eigeman), "Barcelona"

"You're very perceptive."
"What?"
"You're very perceptive."
"What?"
"You are very perceptive."
"Oh. Thank you."
        - Ted & Montserrat, "Barcelona"

"I don't go to bed with just anyone anymore. I have to be attracted to them sexually."
        - Marta, "Barcelona"

"You can't say Americans are not more violent than other people."
"No."
"All those people killed in shootings in America?"
"Oh, shootings, yes. But that doesn't mean Americans are more violent than other people. We're just better shots."
        - Woman & Fred, "Barcelona"

"Fascist!"
"Young men wearing this uniform died to protect Europe from fascism."
        - Fred also happens to be a US Navy Lieutenant, "Barcelona"

"You seem very intelligent for an American."
"Well, I'm not."
        - Marta and Fred, "Barcelona"

"You are far weirder than someone merely into S&M. At least they have a tradition. We have some idea what S&M is about. There's movies and books about it. But so far as I know, there is nothing to explain the way you are."
        - Fred, to Ted, "Barcelona"

"Ramon is very persuasive, and he painted a terrible picture of what it would be like for her to live the rest of her life in America, with all of its crime, consumerism, and vulgarity. All those loud, badly dressed, fat people watching their eighty channels of television and visiting shopping malls. The plastic throw-everything-away society with its notorious violence and racism. And finally, the total lack of culture."
        - Marta, to Ted, "Barcelona"

"You see, that's one of the great things about getting involved with someone from another country. You can't take it personally. What's really terrific is that when we act in ways which might objectively seem asshole-ish or, or, incredibly annoying, they don't get upset at all. They don't take it personally. They just assume it's some national characteristic."
        - Ted, "Barcelona"

"I consider you a person of integrity, except, you know, in your relationships with women."
        - Josh to Des (Chris Eigeman), "The Last Days of Disco"

"That's the dark side of feminism."
"What?"
"You have a kind of free pass to make any kind of wounding or derogatory comment you want."
"I am hardly a militant feminist."
"No, you're not. A militant feminist would be a lot fairer. It's women like you whose attitudes to men are so dehumanising."
        - Des and Charlotte, "The Last Days of Disco"

"All week Charlotte's been talking about the tremendous importance of group social life: Opposing all this ferocious pairing off."
"Well, group social life has its place, but at a certain point other biological factors come into play. Our bodies weren't really designed for group social life. A certain amount of 'pairing off' was always part of the the original plan."
        - Alice and Des, "The Last Days of Disco"

"You go out with people based primarily on looks."
"Holly's also very nice."
"A lot of people are nice. You only asked out the fabulously good looking one."
        - Alice and Dan, "The Last Days of Disco"

"A lot of people say they won't take no for an answer. I want to tell you I'm not like that. I'm easily discouraged."
        - Josh, trying to ask Alice out, "The Last Days of Disco"

"Mumbo-jumbo of all kinds has been highly commercial throughout the history of book publishing. The first printed book was the Bible."
        - Dan, "The Last Days of Disco"

"Do you know that Shakespearean admonition 'To thine own self me true'? It's premised on the idea that 'thine own self' is pretty good, being true to which is commendable. What if 'thine own self' is not so good? What if it's pretty bad? Would it better, in that case. not to be true to 'thine own self'? See? That's my situation."
        - Des, "The Last Days of Disco"

"Rick Von Sloneker is tall, rich, good-looking, stupid, dishonest, conceited, a bully, liar, drunk and thief, an egomaniac and probably psychotic — in short, highly attractive to women."
        - Nick (Chris Eigeman), "Metropolitan"

"The acid test is whether you take any pleasure in responding to the question, 'What do you do?' I can't bear it. That's the danger of midtown Manhattan, running into far more successful contemporaries."
        - Dick Edwards, "Metropolitan"

"I like him a lot, but don't try to understand his thought processes. The summer I met him, we were ten, he was trying to establish communications with the seagulls at Easthampton. It was utterly hopeless — the Easthampton seagulls are complete morons. We still spent several afternoons approaching shorebirds saying 'We come in friendship'. They could not have cared less. Much like his efforts with girls in recent years."
"Great. I'm hated by the preppie St. Francis."
        - Nick and Tom, discussing Charlie, "Metropolitan"

"Playing strip poker with an exhibitionist somehow takes the challenge away."
        - Nick, "Metropolitan"

"It's a tiny bit arrogant of people to go around worrying about those 'less fortunate' ...has it occurred to you that you are the less fortunate?"
        - Nick to Tom, "Metropolitan"

"I've never been this drunk before. The problem is, with Fred no longer drinking, I can't pace myself."
        - Tom, "Metropolitan"

"The titled aristocracy are the scum of the earth. What really makes me furious is this idea of a whole class of people, mostly European, all looking down on me."
"You always say *titled* aristocrats. What about *untitled* aristocrats?"
"Well, I could hardly despise them, could I? That would be self-hatred, which is unhealthy."
        - Nick and Sally, "Metropolitan"

"In context, nearly everything Jane Austin wrote is near ridiculous by today’s standards."
"Has it occurred to you that today looked at from Jane Austin’s perspective would look even worse?"
        - Tom and Audrey, "Metropolitan"

"For me, ceasing to exist is failure. I mean, that's pretty definitive."
"Well, everyone ceases to exist. Doesn't mean everyone's a failure."
        - Charlie and Tom, "Metropolitan"

"I don't see how knowing the truth can do anyone any harm."
"It's not just the truth, it's how and when you learn it."
        - Cynthia and Jane, "Metropolitan"

>> More quotes from Whit Stillman movies [external]

# BRIGHT YOUNG THINGS

"Darling am I going to be seduced?"
"Yes I'm afraid you are. Do you mind terribly?"
        - Nina and Simon

"Chastity dear, don't wear red at your age. It suggests too much."
        - Lady Maitland to one of her 'angels'

"Beautiful Young People they call you! Well one out of three ain't bad."
        - Mrs. Ape to the gang

"Simon, are you here on business or pleasure?"
"The business *of* pleasure."
        - Nina and Lord Simon Balcaim

"Nina Blount groped for her stomach, screamed she was a whore and misquoted several lines from Lady MacBeth..."
        - Simon, on one last flight of fancy

"Haven't we got insurance against Acts of God? Acts of Aristocrats then?"
        - Lord Monomark, after Simon lands him in it

"Imogen Quest: drug addict and insatiable lesbian."
"I can't write that!"
"Imply it then."
        - Nina and Simon

"Masked parties, Savage parties, Victorian parties, Greek parties, Wild West parties, Russian parties, Circus parties, parties where one had to dress as somebody else, almost naked parties in St. John's wood, parties in flats and studios and houses and ships and hotels and nightclubs, in windmills and swimming baths... dull dances in London and comic dances in Scotland and disgusting dances in Paris - all that succession and repetition of massed humanity... those vile bodies."
        - Simon, all partied out

"It's all very well to look down on money but a girl's got to look after herself."
        - Nina to Simon

"You're brainy... you may be broke but girls are odd."
        - Ginger to Simon

"Have I been sold again?"
"Do you mind terribly?"
        - Nina and Simon

"Life is Sweet but Time is Fleet..."
        - lyrics from the closing song

# 300

"A new age has come, an age of freedom. And all will know that 300 Spartans gave their last breath to defend it."
        - Leonidas

"There is much our cultures could share."
"Have you noticed? We've been sharing our culture with you all morning."
        - Xerxes and Leonidas

"Imagine what horrible fate awaits my enemies when I would gladly kill any of my own men for victory."
"And I would die for any one of mine."
        - Xerxes and Leonidas

"Cruel Leonidas demanded that you stand. I require only that you kneel."
        - Xerxes to Ephialtes

"We will shoot so many arrows into the air, we will blot out the sun."
"Good. We'll fight in the shade."
        - from "300"

"Today we will rid the world of mysticism and tyranny!"
        - from "300"

"Freedom isn't free at all. It comes with the highest cost. The cost of blood."
        - Queen Gorgo

"I am not here to represent King Leonidas, his actions speak louder than my words ever could. I am here for all those voices which cannot be heard — mothers, daughters, fathers, sons — 300 families that bleed for our rights and for the very principles this room is built upon. We are at war, gentlemen, we must send the entire Spartan army to aid our king in the preservation of not just ourselves but of our children; Send the army for the preservation of liberty, send it for justice, send it for law and order, send it for reason. But most importantly send our army for hope — hope that a king and his men have not been wasted to the pages of history; That their courage bonds us together; That we are made stronger by their actions, and that your choices today reflect their bravery."
        - Queen Gorgo's speech to the Spartan council

Queen Gorgo's speech to the Spartan council should be used by the Republican party to justify the War On Terror and could recruit more troops...
        - seen on the "Whooper's Bunker" blogspot

# CANADIAN BACON

[ These quotes from Canadian Bacon, a film aboot an American President who declares War on Canada as a publicity stunt ]

"The Canadians. They walk among us. William Shatner. Michael J. Fox. Monty Hall. Mike Meyers. Alex Trebek. All of them Canadians. All of them here."
        - TV Documentary Narrator...in menacing tones

Gus: "Canadians are always dreaming up a lotta ways to ruin our lives. The metric system, for the love of God! Celsius! Neil Young!"

Mountie: "What's this all aboot?
Roy Boy pointing a gun: "We have ways of making you pronounce the letter O, pal."

# WONDER BOYS

James Leer: "The doors made so much noise!"
Grady Tripp: "Is he all right?"
James Leer: "It was so embarrasing! He had to be carried out."
Terry Crabtree: "He's fine. He's narrating."
James Leer: "They were going to the restroom. But would they make it in time?"
        - Wonder Boys

Grady : "I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell the Chancellor I murdered her husband's dog."
James : "You?"
Grady : "Trust me, James, when the family pet's been assassinated, the owner doesn't want to hear one of her students was the trigger man."
James : "Does she want to hear it was one of her professors?"
Grady : "...I've got tenure."
        - Wonder Boys

Grady : "Well, he did say a few things that made me believe it *was* his car."
Terry : "Like what?"
Grady : "That's my car, motherfucker."
        - Wonder Boys

# THE COMMITMENTS

"The Irish are the blacks of Europe. Dubliners are the blacks of Ireland. Northside Dubliners are the blacks of Dublin."
        - Jimmy Rabbitte Jnr, "The Commitments"

"Mr. Rabbitte, I see its been 6 months since you've had a job interview. Are you actually looking for work"
"Well, what can you do, Ireland is a 3rd world country"

(from The Van)
Larry: "Who paid for that dinner in front of you, son?"
Kevin: "The state."

# MALLRATS

"Cookie stand's not part of the food court. "
"Sure it is."
"The food court is downstairs the cookie stand is upstairs it's not like we're talking quantum physics here!"
"The cookie stand is an eatery, an eatery is part of the food court."
"Bullshit! Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court, anything operating outside the said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking."
        - Brodie & TS, "Mallrats"

You're going to listen to something I said? Haven't I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit?
        - Brodie, "Mallrats"

One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat! I said, "Walt, what the hell are you doing, you know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too, why don't you knock it off?" And he says to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.

"You do speak French don't you? "
"Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way. "
        - Lt. Frank Drebin, "The Naked Gun"

"Have you noticed anything different about him?"
"Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left handed now... Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Mainheimer and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the president?"
"Why that's brilliant, that's a lot better than what I came up with."
        - Lt. Frank Drebin & Jane Spencer, "The Naked Gun"

"Frank, why dont you want to have children?"
"Thats nonsense, havent you forgotten that time I tried to adopt that 18 year old Korean girl?"
        ~ Lt. Frank Drebbin, Naked Gun : The Smell Of Beer

# THE INCREDIBLES

"Hey, I saved your life!"
"You didn't save my life, you ruined my death!"
       - Mr. Incredible saves a 'jumper', "The Incredibles"

"They keep finding new ways to celebrate mediocrity."
        - Bob Parr aka Mr. Incredible, "The Incredibles"

"Everyone is special."
"Which is another way of saying nobody is special."
        - Helen and Dash, "The Incredibles"

"Why can't I be the best that I can be?"
        - Dash, "The Incredibles"

"So now I am in deep trouble. I mean one more jolt of this death ray and I am an epitaph. Somehow I manage to find cover, and what does Baron von Ruthless do? He starts monologuing! He starts like this prepared speech about how feeble I am compared to him, how inevitable my defeat is, how the world will soon be his."
        - Lucius 'Frozone' Best, recalling the good old days, "The Incredibles"

"No capes! Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids. November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved... when his cape snagged on a missile. Stratogirl! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!"
"E, you can't generalize about these things..."
"Metaman - express elevator! Dynaguy - snagged on takeoff! Splashdown - sucked into a vortex! NO CAPES!"
        - Edna 'E' Mode & Bob 'Mr Incredible' Parr, "The Incredibles"

"I cut it a little roomy for the free movement; the fabric is comfortable for sensitive skin; it can also withstand a temperature of over 1000 degrees. Completely bulletproof; and machine washable, darling. That's a new feature."
        - Edna 'E' Mode, world's greatest superhero costume designer, "The Incredibles"

"You were my greatest adventure."
        - Bob 'Mr Incredible' Parr to Helen 'Elastigirl' Parr, "The Incredibles"

# FILMS by JOHN SAYLES

"Used to be, you were black, you'd buy black. Jim Crow days you needed your shoes shined, or wanted to ride in a taxi to the train station, wanted some ribs... a fish sandwich, chances are a black man owned the place you got it in. Now the drive-throughs serve anybody, but who owns them? Not us. All our people does is wearing the paper hats and giving out the fries — only things we got left are funeral parlors and barbershops."
"Yeah, but now we can do *anything*."
"Them that can get over do fine. Them that can't are in a world of trouble."
        - Dr. Lloyd and Reggie Perry, "Sunshine State"

"What are you doing behind that bar? You bring people their food, don't be messing with their liquor."
"Nobody's eating?"
"That's cos nobody's here but these couple of lost souls, haven't had an appetite since they gave over to the devil."
        - Delilah and China Doll, on a slow night in the "Honeydripper"

"Only time I was ever in jail was in a town called Liberty."
        - Shack Thomas, "Honeydripper"

"This better be some Saturday night..."
        - Maceo to Tyrone, banking it all on the "Honeydripper"

"If you've got the green, I'm on the scene."
        - Tyrone hires a drummer, "Honeydripper"

>> LONE STAR

"Well, I'm working on a few things. I'm going over to the other side."
"Republicans?"
"No, Mexico."
        - Sheriff Sam Deeds & Deputy Ray

"Are they gonna be okay with you being a white guy?"
"According to her they'll be happy that I'm a man. Apparently they think any woman over 30 who isn't married is a lesbian."
"Yeah its always heartwarming to see a prejudice defeated by a deeper prejudice."
        - Mickey and Cliff

"I'm as liberal as the next guy."
"If the next guy is a redneck."
        - Bartender & Sheriff Sam Deeds

>> LIMBO

Limbo sure isn't heaven and it's too cold to be hell.
        - from the diary of a settler on a remote Alaskan island

"Quit with the chainsaws when you get to where people can see."
        - Businessman

"Let's see if he can survive without the fucking microwave."
        - Donna, reclaiming her possessions from an ex

"Now I feel like shit, I could do with some support."
"That's what therapy's for."
        - Donna, and her very teenage daughter Noelle

"When you are of age you are free to f*ck up your own life, but until that time I'm afraid it's my job!"
        - Donna, to Noelle

"How come you're not married?"
"Probably the same reason you're not married."
"Because such a high percentage of men are jerks?"
        - Donna and Joe

"My track record for consciously choosing men is so horrendous that if I ever hooked up with a good guy it would be pure luck."
        - Donna, to Joe

"Anything where you need equipment instead of clothing, I don't do."
        - Donna

# BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES

Like so many men before him, Sherman was no match for a woman's tears.
        - Peter Fallow (Bruce Willis)

"Well I don't make the rules."
"All the more reason not to play."
        - Sherman McCoy (Tom Hanks) and Mr. McCoy

"We're going to prove to these n*ggers that this administration loves then. No matter what it takes... By November, they're going to be thinking of me as the first black District Attorney of Bronx County."
        - DA Weiss

If you're going to work in a whorehouse, there's only one thing to be: the best whore in the house.
        - Peter Fallow

"I want the truth to come out and burn every one of them and there's only one way to do that — lie."
        - Sherman McCoy

"Racist? You dare call me a racist? Well I say unto you, what does it matter the color of a man's skin when witnesses perjure themselves and prosecutors enlist the perjury; when a district attorney throws a man to the mob for political gain and men of the cloth, men of God, take the prime cut? Is that justice? Let me tell you what justice is. Justice is the law. And the law is man's feeble attempt to lay down the principals of decency. Decency! And decency isn't a deal, it's not a contract or a hustle or an angle! Decency...decency is what your grandmother taught you. It's in your bones! You go home now. Go home and be decent people. Be decent!"
        - Judge Leonard White (Morgan Freeman)

A hero for our times, or as close to a hero as we're likely to get these days.
        - Peter Fallow, describing Sherman McCoy

Sherman, you see, who started with so much, lost everything. But he gained his soul. Whereas I, you see, who started with so little, gained everything... But what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses... Ah, well. There are compensations.
        - Peter Fallow

# UNCLE BUCK

Miles: Where do you live?
Buck: In the city.
Miles: You have a house?
Buck: Apartment.
Miles: Own or rent?
Buck: Rent.
Miles: What do you do for a living?
Buck: Lots of things.
Miles: Where's your office?
Buck: I don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: I don't need one.
Miles: Where's your wife?
Buck: Don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: Its a long story.
Miles: You have kids?
Buck: No I don't.
Miles: How come?
Buck: Its an even longer story.
Miles: Are you my dad's brother?
Buck: Whats your record for consecutive questions asked?
Miles: 38.
Buck: I'm your dads brother all right.
Miles: You have much more hair in your nose than my dad.
Buck: How nice of you to notice.
Miles: I'm a kid, thats my job.

# BEAUTIFUL GIRLS

M : Me & You.
W : Really?
M : Yeah, you don't think?
W : Well, we have a little age problem.
M : I know, we're as star-crossed as Romeo & Juliet, a tragedy of Elizabethan proportions.
W : So what do we do?
M : Alas poor Romeo, we can't do diddly, you'll go to the Penitentiary, I'll be the laughing stock of the Brownies... but if your feelings for me are true, you'll wait.
W : Wait?
M : Yep. Wait 5 years, I'll be 18, we can walk through this world together.
W : You know in 5 years you won't even remember me.
M : William.
W : I'm formed, you're not, you still have changes to go through, you'll change, and I'll be Winnie the Pooh to your Christopher Robin.
M: ...how do you figure Pooh?
W : Well Christopher Robin outgrew Pooh, that's how it ended, he had Pooh when he was a child, and when he matured, he didn't need him anymore.
M : Thats the saddest thing I ever heard.
        - William (35 year-old Timothy Hutton) & Marty (13 year-old Natalie Portman)

"Do you see her face? Girls like that are born with a boyfriend."
        - Stinky

"I might just grow to be five-ten. I'll be hot."
        - Marty

"So you're the little neighborhood Lolita."
"So you're the alcoholic high school buddy shit for brains."
        - Paul & Marty

"Hey."
"Romeo and Juliet, the dyslexic version."
        - William (from a window), and Marty

"I'm actually jealous of a 12-year-old kid on a bike."
        - William

"How can I get to you when the high point of your life was high school? You were king of the hill then."
        - Sharon

# NEIL JORDAN's THE MIRACLE

"There he is."
"Every time he passes her, her hearts leaps."
"Well she hears him coming, but she's afraid to turn..."
        - Jimmy and Rose, imagining a story for some elderly strangers

"What about him?"
"Nothing of any conceivable interest has ever happened to him."
"Ah, but that's something... The drabness of his life was so complete as to have its own fascination."
        - Jimmy and Rose, spotting another character

"Nothing but nuns."
"Nothing but their nunnishish consoled them, and none but nuns were their friends."
"The nunswept pier..."
        - Rose and Jimmy, watching the nuns stroll past

"Don't be so cruel Jimmy."
"It's only a story."
"You have to be kind to your characters."
        - Rose and Jimmy

"So are you going to write it all down? What'll you call it?"
"Figures on a Nunswept Pier."
        - Jimmy and Rose

"Well you ever love me Jimmy?"
"I dunno."
"Is that because I'll never love you?"
"Probably."
"Too friendly to be lovers. Too close to be friends. Together they lived in a twilight zone."
        - Rose and Jimmy

"Look."
"What about her?"
"She's looking for something?"
"How do you know?"
"Observation. Come on."
"What's she looking for?"
"Threads of a lost love."
        - Rose and Jimmy, imagining a story for Renee

"She's from abroad you know... We've been collecting haven't we? You don't think she's a specimen."
"Don't know yet... There has to be a story."
"She's on the run?"
"From what?"
"From a past."
        - Jimmy and Rose, discussing Renee

"You're a disgrace Coleman."
"I know."
"I blame your father."
"So do I."
        - Jimmy meets Rose's father

"I told you about Rose. She writes. She examines life in every detail."
        - Jimmy, introducing Renee to Rose

"You see stories to do with love are mathematical... A loves B, B unfortunately does not love A, who has a longing for C."
"So what about C?"
"Here there are various options: C can love A who loves B who loves C; Or, C can love B, but only half-heartedly..."
"So what if A and B love C, and C doesn't know what she wants?"
"Well then that's tragic."
"Ok, though in fairness, if A loves B and B loves A?"
"Well then there's no story."
        - Rose and Jimmy

"Are you jealous?"
"I'll work on it."
        - Rose and Jimmy

# COLDBLOODED

"Of all the people who pay me to have sex with them, you're my favorite."
        - Honey to Cosmo, "Coldblooded"

"If you've never been on a date, how did you get laid?"
"Oh you know, different ways."
"Hookers?"
        - Steve and Cosmo, "Coldblooded"

"It's not always this easy. This guy happens to be a moron."
       - Steve, taking Cosmo on his first 'hit', "Coldblooded"

"You're too close!"
        - Steve to Cosmo, talking about more than distance, "Coldblooded"

# BAD SANTA

Willie T. Soke: "I'm an eating, drinking, sh*tting, f*cking Santa Claus."

Kid: Your beard's not real.
Willie: It was real, but I got sick and all the hair fell out.
Kid: How come?
Willie: I loved a woman who wasn't clean.
Kid: Mrs. Claus?
Willie: Actually it was her sister.

Kid: What about the elves?
Willie: Well, they stay with Mrs. Santa. I get them on the weekends.

Gin: Take him to the car.
Marcus: In case you didn't notice I'm a motherf*cking dwarf, so unless you got a forklift handy, maybe you should lend a hand hmm?
Gin: That figures. You want all kind of set-asides. Special treatment 'cause your handicapped. You're all the same.
Marcus: Special treatment? I'm 3-foot-f*cking-tall you asshole! It's a matter of physics. Draw me a sketch of how I get him to the car, huh?

Willie: Now the cop's know I wrote it, whick is gonna keep my ass out of jail. That, plus everyone agreeing that the Phoenix police department shooting an unarmed Santa was even more fucked up than Rodney King.

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