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| Author | Topic: Help me |
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ED CASE Senior Member Posts: 366 |
posted 01 May 2003 01:56 PM
  
For about 2 years my days have mostly consisted of sitting around doing nothing. Most days of the week I'm wondering if there's a reason to get up, sometimes I try to trick myself into believing there is. On rare occasions I've been known to lay in bed, drifting in and out of sub and semi-conciousness. Eventually, come 3 or 4 o'clock the pains in my back and neck become too great to bear and I'm forced to get up. So I go down stairs, I might have a brief confrontation with whatever family member has the misfortune to cross my path. I go in to watch the televion, breakfast (or dinner) is too much hassle. I may be incredibly lazy but I'm not fat, because I'm too lazy to cook. I don't eat with the family, we try to avoid eachother as much as possible and living in a big house helps, but they always make sure theres enough left. The highlight of my week is Thursday, when I get my dole. I get up early to go in town. You might see me in falling asleep in front of fire in the local, or maybe I'm waiting outside for the some other pub to open, don't want to give too much away. In any case come 6 o'clock I've just finished up in Paddy Powers, hopefully I haven't lost too much of my hard earned cash, perhaps I've even come out the better, but that's rarely the case. Then it's back in for a few more scoops to wash down whatever ****e I've just eaten, usually a enzo's, and to converse with slurred speech about some totally irrelevent crap with some poor old ******* who also has the misfortune of still being alive. Half the time I've nothing to say, and I'm not even listening to them. I don't mean to be rude but I can't help my thoughts from drifting. My attention returns just in time to be able to give the appropriate response, usually a nod in agreement or fake laugh, sometimes even a grunt. I rarely get it wrong, and when I do, I really don't care. When it's time to go home or I'm fairly well cut. I live at least 20 minutes walk from the town or 30 minutes drunk walk ( or 30 minute wank as I call it, and I've had a few). So that means half an hour of giving out to myself under my breath for being the worthless failure that I am, and when there's no-one around I give myself a few quick hard clatters to get the point accross. I arrive in the door hoping nobody is awake. Sometimes my mother is still up and when she sees me the way I am a tear is drawn to her eye. It is a very solemn moment with a hint sadness felt by both of us. I say goodnight as I walk up the stairs, searching my pockets as I go, hopefully I'll have enough for a pint the next day at least. Obviously, I don't have a girlfriend. The last proper relationship I had was with a homeless girl, I put her up in my bedroom and we got on grand. She was a runaway and when her parents found her I was lucky not to be locked away for underage sex, she told me she was 17 and that her parents were dead. I was 18 at the time she was 15. She explained to them how I had looked after her and they didn't take any legal action. Sometimes I wonder if a spell in prison would have sorted me out, probably not. I'd like to see her again though, but not like this. So now the routine to my existance is quite basic and monotinous. Sometimes I wonder if I should end it all, but I know I never will. I'm only 25 and feel there may be light at the end of the tunnel. I sometimes jokingly think to myself that I should crawl into a grave and have some **** give us a few flakes of a shovel across the head to knock me out so I can then be buried alive. Sorry if I sound a touch morbid, but that is why I am writing this. I hope maybe someone can give me a few words of advice or if that's too much to ask maybe a small donation would be more convienient for ye.... IP: Logged |
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harty boy Member Posts: 18 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:00 PM
a donation will suit me fine! how much do you want you poor fellow? 50, 100, 500? IP: Logged |
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kinnittyman Senior Member Posts: 123 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:08 PM
Im looking forward to Trimbles seponse to this. This is a bit heavy going for my liking. i have a few comments to make about this post but i think ill wait to see what the rest of ye think first. IP: Logged |
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Bannerman00 Senior Member Posts: 1246 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:10 PM
how does it concern trimble? just glanced over it and i didnt notice any reference to him IP: Logged |
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paulm Senior Member Posts: 67 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:11 PM
Depression is something you do NOT joke about IP: Logged |
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Bannerman00 Senior Member Posts: 1246 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:12 PM
quote: no one said that it was IP: Logged |
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LimerickNomad Senior Member Posts: 2214 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:12 PM
If ED's cry for help is to be taken at face value, which I am tending to do at present, I think he needs to talk things out with a person he can really trust. Soon, if possible, too! If ED can offer up an e-address that people can communicate with Good luck, guy! IP: Logged |
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kinnittyman Senior Member Posts: 123 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:14 PM
quote: Nothing to do with Trimble whatsoever. Im just curious as to what his response will be. IP: Logged |
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forwardswanted Senior Member Posts: 104 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:14 PM
ed case and trimble fight alot... IP: Logged |
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Bannerman00 Senior Member Posts: 1246 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:14 PM
id say you could hazard a good guess, even at this stage IP: Logged |
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kinnittyman Senior Member Posts: 123 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:15 PM
quote: Oh I can guess alright!! IP: Logged |
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forwardswanted Senior Member Posts: 104 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:17 PM
ed sometimes when my life gets fcked up i just concentrate on work...or something i know im good at..it makes the old confidence meter soar...maybe u should get a job of some sort...make money ..get a girl..friends.. thats my advice IP: Logged |
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Bannerman00 Senior Member Posts: 1246 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:18 PM
if this is serious contact the samaratins or your doctor, or anyone. dont let it go IP: Logged |
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david brent Senior Member Posts: 301 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:22 PM
seriously ed case keep da head up and da good side out
best of luck man IP: Logged |
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DublinKnacker Member Posts: 5 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:26 PM
You lucky git. That sounds like a great life. I have to go to work every day. IP: Logged |
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Scolder Senior Member Posts: 584 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:29 PM
ED CASE a case of depression if Ive ever heard of one your obviously a bright guy from your posts you need to speak with a doctor get a little help to get you out of the rut your in. You need a change, start small, cut down on the drink it only leads to more self loathing, look at doing a course, something that interests you to start with, it will get you out of the house and back into a routine why not get involved in your GAA club some how it would certainly give you something to focus on and a sense of meaning and that you are giving something back. Small steps buddy thats the key, a doctor and some medical help along with a resolve to do something and you can get out of the rut. IP: Logged |
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ClonbonyRoyalist Senior Member Posts: 54 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:32 PM
Sounds like a classic case of Lazy*******itis to me! IP: Logged |
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Donnycarney Senior Member Posts: 63 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:34 PM
This has got to be a wind up - or you left your PC unguarded while logged in here. If it's not, apologies - but I'd like to know how you managed to hide a 15 year old girl in your bedroom while still living with your parents. Sorry if I sound a bit cynical, it's just the big change in the tone of your entry had my alarm bells going The bit about asking for a donation sealed it for me [This message has been edited by Donnycarney (edited 01 May 2003).] IP: Logged |
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paulm Senior Member Posts: 67 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:36 PM
ED, you must talk to somebody you can condife in today. You seem to have an understanding with your mother, go to her today and ask her to help you. Explain to her how you are feeling, she will have seen for herself but your asking for help will change everything. Take it from there. This is very very common and very treatable. IP: Logged |
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Master McGraths Mickey Senior Member Posts: 174 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:43 PM
hey ED if you want someone to give you a few licks of a shovel I'm your man! here's my hotmail address so we can arrange dates times etc .... clarebasher@hotmail.com IP: Logged |
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turk57 Senior Member Posts: 70 |
posted 01 May 2003 02:57 PM
Depression is serious sh1t. [This message has been edited by turk57 (edited 01 May 2003).] IP: Logged |
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David Trimble Senior Member Posts: 1416 |
posted 01 May 2003 03:10 PM
quote: Whys that? IP: Logged |
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kinnittyman Senior Member Posts: 123 |
posted 01 May 2003 03:13 PM
Want to see if you are going to take the piss out of him! IP: Logged |
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Uncle_Tom Senior Member Posts: 90 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:03 PM
Well, I don't rightly know what to say really. This is not a typical post, and seemingly not the sort of jibe Ed Case would make. SOmeone commented it was 'kinda heavy' subject matter, and it is. I'd be very disappointed if its a 'joke'. Depression is a terrible thing, and it's true people struggle to find a reason to bother living. This is a temporary problem though. Suicide etc is a long term solution to a temporary problem. It's dialectics. Everything changes. It's so dificult for depressed people to see any reason to carry on. all they see is the blackness. but they do have change of hearts, and they do see all the reasons to cherish life. Everyone makes a difference. If your serious EdCase, which I think you are as I doubt people would joke about something so serious; then you should definately talk to someone about it. Talking about it will help you move away from your own negative thought cycle and self depracating thoughts. You don't need to drift along feeling like this. Everyone can wake up everyday and feel happy to be alive and have life, a zest to live. It's not a pipe dream. But you may need help getting through your depression so do talk it through with someone. I think you've done well to write out your feelings and share it with the forum. IT shows a willingness to want to change. Your not happy. You know you don't want to remain this way. Thats a positive step. What you need to do is give yourself a hobby or a job. A 'reason' to get up. It will help focus your thoughts on the good things in life. Closing up into your self in your room is a negative spiral. Climb out. Talk to people. Your only 25. You have EVERYTHING in front of you. Waiting. IP: Logged |
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A Long Horn Senior Member Posts: 319 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:06 PM
Ed, you'll be needed on the 18th - City End with all true gaels. IP: Logged |
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Tbilisi Senior Member Posts: 1211 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:10 PM
It's gotta be a wind-up. It's just TOO bad to be true. Sorry Ed! IP: Logged |
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IRON MIKE Senior Member Posts: 2431 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:16 PM
Ed everything is allright. Sur Seani is captain now IP: Logged |
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LimerickNomad Senior Member Posts: 2214 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:18 PM
quote: T, I don't think it's ED's style. You'd need IP: Logged |
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clare fan Senior Member Posts: 1418 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:20 PM
I can't believe you could take it seriously, he's looking for a donation for fcuk sake!! Worse I can't believe I'm replying to it!! IP: Logged |
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forwardswanted Senior Member Posts: 104 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:27 PM
a donation wut do u need to buy ed..u got the dole and ur parents..for fucc sake i live in the bronx nigga..send me some money.. IP: Logged |
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beagle Senior Member Posts: 489 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:34 PM
The lad needs help obviously. IP: Logged |
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Laois Bhoy Senior Member Posts: 563 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:38 PM
quote:Agreed. a donation he wants for fukks sake... IP: Logged |
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IRON MIKE Senior Member Posts: 2431 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:41 PM
quote: The lad needs to get up off his asre and sort himself out. If this is a cry for help then it's fukin pathetic because his English is quite good and therefore he's obviously not an ape. Ain't nobdy going to be able to help him until he helps himself. IP: Logged |
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Tbilisi Senior Member Posts: 1211 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:46 PM
If he's on the dole, then how can he afford to be on the internet during the day? He's just laying it on a bit thick, IMHO. IP: Logged |
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KingDub2 Senior Member Posts: 95 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:47 PM
quote:
IP: Logged |
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Tbilisi Senior Member Posts: 1211 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:49 PM
Ed, ask yourself ... what would Seanie McMahon do in this situation? IP: Logged |
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beagle Senior Member Posts: 489 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:52 PM
quote: Ennis Information age town?? familiar with? IP: Logged |
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twiceasnice97 Senior Member Posts: 1201 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:53 PM
if this is for real reply to this post and i will send you the details of someone who can help. if it`s not for real it is in very poor taste. IP: Logged |
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Tbilisi Senior Member Posts: 1211 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:54 PM
quote: Terribly sorry, not from Ennis, and not up to speed with everything that goes on there. IP: Logged |
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ED CASE Senior Member Posts: 366 |
posted 01 May 2003 04:59 PM
Thanks lads, my e-mail is DECASE2001@netscape.net I'll give a bank a/c number if ye want. IP: Logged |
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