The whole .sig story
Part 3: Death to V!
A egotistical look at one man, his .sig and the ASCII letter that was to dominate his life ......
I was getting pretty annoyed by the V at this stage after it nearly killing Chester and all. Then this happened:
Subject: Re: Stupid things I've seen by the motorway
Date: Tue, 23 Apr 1996 00:36:28 GMT
From: spatula@javanet.com (tv's Spatch)
Reply-To: spatula@javanet.com
Organization: Raspberry World, for all your raspberry needs
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity
And thus did mikroa@ix.netcom.com (Michael Roach) spake, speaking:
>While driving in California, almost everything I saw was stupid.
>Seattle has high occupancy vehicle lanes on the right, where traffic
>enters and leaves the freeway.
The HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle) section of I-91 north of Hartford is entirely
on the left. It's strange, really, to see such things. A fun thing to do is
get enough money to travel to Foxwoods Casino in Ledyard with a friend and,
while driving down I-91, TAKE THE HOV LANE ALL THE WAY INTO HARTFORD. Woo!
Yeah! We're really living in style now, ain't we?
>There are trucks I've seen that say, "Non-Flammable" on the back. I
>guess those are the ones we're supposed to tailgate.
Those are the ones you -can- aim your semiautomatic weapons at, though the
ones on TV usually seem to be flammable and go up in flames even if they tip
over slightly.
>What's that noise I hear?
>There are signs on Florida highways that say, "Please move accident
>vehicles off of the highway". Are Floridated drivers really so stupid
>that they need accident instructions?
Well, go on down to Daytona and/or Boca Raton and you can watch the confused
senior citizens drive around; they're exactly the type of folks who'd leave
their accident vehicles in the center lane. Then again, if your car has been
involved in an accident and is now sitting, turned over, in the center lane,
HOW THE HECK YA GONNA MOVE IT TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD?! Especially if you're
still trapped inside?!
Course, down in Palm Beach, the signs say "Please move impoverished vehicles
off the highway so we rich folks can pass you."
> Or is it because of all the
>Californians that have moved to Florida? And I've seen no Jack in the
>Box fast food restaurants since moving here. Since bacon comes with or
>can be added to every order, I've always thought of them as the Stupid
>Restaurant.
Coulda sworn California has its share of Jack-In-The-Boxes. But then again,
California's the state with Der Weinerschnitzels running amok left and right,
isn't it?
>It's kind of a low rumbling sound.
>When I was growing up in California, there was a sign at the start of
>our street that said, "Dead End". Later, it was replaced by a sign that
>said, "Not a thru Street". Recently, it was changed to "No Outlet".
>Since this is California I'm talking about, shouldn't it say, "Outlet
>Challenged Street"? I mean, what are the people who live on that road
>supposed to think? And what about the feelings of the road...
In 11th grade I drew this cartoon of a street marked No Outlet with a guy next
to it holding a very long extension cord thinking "Oh, damn..."
>Look Out! It's COMING THIS WAY!
> /\
> / \
> / /\ \
> O \\___
> / _[____]
> /\ (o_____o)),.
>Run, Chester, RUN!!!
> / /
> / /__
> /_____
> O_ \\___
> \/\\ _[____]
> /\ (o_____o)),.
>Faster! FASTER! NOOOOO!!!
>\ \/ /\\___
> \ /_[____]
>O_\/(o_____o) Hmm..Chester? you ok?..
> \ \
HE TRIED TO KILL HIM WITH A FORKLIFT!
OLE!
- spatch, so it isn't exactly a forklift, but ... -
--
tv's Spatch, MSTie #43790. My mother was a Bozoette in high school.
"Hey! There's no food here! You tricked me, you big dumb liar cat!"
- 2 Stupid Dogs
Big dumb liar cats abound at: http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula
That was the last straw, it had corrupted the Forklift/crane/tank and had landed on Chester again!! Something had to be done. I put up a bounty: