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Blind Clay-Head Girl Factoids
Firstly, and obviously enough, she wasn’t blind.
She was born in 1962 and 1964 in Cantatatataco, Mexico to a family of procrastinating, anarchistic, neo-communistic rascals.
After her entire family was laughed out of town, she was forced to start working 14 hour shifts in the local banana mines in order to survive, it was here that she learned the mud-sculpthin’ skills that got her into the Lionel Richie School for Gifted Kids. In the dark of the mine she also practiced being blind untill she became really good at it.
She became enraptured with Lionel Richie after hearing his song ‘3 times a lady’ on the radio one day. She thought the song was about a botched gender change operation that had to be done 3 times before it was right. So impressed was she at the sensitive way he had handled the issue, she decided to stalk him for a while and see how things went.
Blind Girl enrolled on a special scholarship in the school cos she was great at acting and aerobics and mud-schulptin’ and it was here she first made contact with Richie.
Her love of his cheesy ballads was to be her downfall. Since Lionel Richie’s brain made the songs she loved and because his brain was stored inside his head she decided to create a bust out of a mixture of dirt, dog doo and cheese. She then tried to use her voodoo powers to capture Lionel’s soul inside the sculpture, turning it into an oracle which would sing songs to her all day with crazy titles like “dancing on the ceiling” , “boogie in the banana mine” and “tapping my foot lightly and humming whilst waiting in the checkout line at the supermarket”
Lionel soon figured out what she was up to and wrote the song ‘hello’ to hint to her that he was not having any of it. They had a showdown resulting in Lionel gently explaining that he didn’t like psychos and that she was expelled from the school.
The video of the song was created from real life footage taken by secret cameras in Lionels mansion and in his nearby school for gifted kids (incorporating his private theme park; Lionel-Land).
After being expelled, blind girl moved to Germany, learned to play the synths and changed her name to Brenda the Accelerator.
She enjoyed several euro-disco hits including ‘Lionel Richie makes me itchy’ and the 4 hour duet with David Hasselhoff; ‘This Footspa’s built for two’.
Brenda now lives in a Dutch commune where she survives on roots and berries and is trying to build a synthesizer out of twigs and ferrets.
In 1989 Lionel had the clay head hollowed out and now he uses it as a cookie jar. He sometimes cradles it in his arms and talks to it when he can’t sleep at night.
Clay Head Girl / Brenda the Accelerator : 3.2 on the Jontometer
Lionel Richie : 2.5 Jont-Points
Crooned by MB
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