What is yellow, red, yellow, red
and black all over?
A penguin in a food mixer!
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
You're too young to be smoking!
If you go into a house and the lights are out, what do you light first - the fire, lamp or
candle?
The matches!
What is the definition of silliness?
Two bald men fighting over a comb!
Why did the dog jump into the fire?
To be a hot dog!
Child: Mum, can I keep a skunk in my room?
Mum: What about the smell?
Child: Oh. He'll get used to it!
What is the worst thing to be in a second hand shop?
Toilet paper!
What do bears bring on holidays?
Just the bear essentials!
Baby Snake: Mum, are we poisonous?
Mother Snake: Yes we are, why?
Baby snake; I've just bitten my tongue!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he had no guts!
What is black and white, black and white and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill!
Why did the man put Radion in his TV set?
Because he had no Ariel!
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide!
Why did the robber take a bath?
To get clean away!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco?
Because he had nobody to go with!
What do penguins eat for desert?
Baked Alaska!
What did the vampire say after coming out of the dentist's office?
Fangs for nothing!
The definition of fishing; A jerk at the end of a pole waiting for the jerk at the other
end!
Did you hear about the red sauce
chasing the brown sauce?
It couldn't Ketchup!
What is a tornado?
Mother Nature doing the twist!
Who earns a living by driving customers away?
A taxi-driver!
What do you get if you cross a skunk with an owl?
A bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot!
What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?
Lumpy milkshakes!
What do you get if you cross a football team with ice cream?
Aston Vanilla!
Do you know the story of the three deer?
No? Dear, dear, dear ...
Has it ever struck you that no matter how short girls skirts get, they'll always be above
two feet!
Do you know the story of the empty glass?
No? There's nothing in it . . . . . !
I call my dog Camera because he is always snapping!
What does a cat have that no other animal has?
Kittens!
Rabbits can multiply - but only snakes can be an adder!
Why do cows wear bells?
Their horns don't work!
What mathematical language do they speak in Cuba?
Cubic!
What turns without moving?
Milk - when it turns sour!
What has six legs, four ears and a tail?
A man and a horse!
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Which building in Dublin has the most stories?
Easy - the public library!
What do you do with party leftovers?
I just put them in a taxi and send them home!
Mike, when did you realise you were spending too much time in the pub?
When the doctor told me I needed an elbow transplant!
What do cats have for breakfast?
Mice Krispies!
What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of wool?
It has mittens!
What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A sour puss!
What do you get if you cross a pig with a zebra?
Striped sausages!
What happens when a baby eats Rice Krispies?
Snap, crackle and pooh!
Why don't cats shave?
I don't know.
Because 8 out of 10 cats prefer whiskers!
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