Greeting All .                                                                                                                                          

This is my first time to try my hand at humour so please remember that if you feel like commenting on what you view here.  I come from the Stick, the Back of Beyond so if what you read below seems like old washed up humour that is because it took a while to reach me here.

Here is my small but growing joke section which I intend to add to gradually                 

 

          The Secret to woman's language    mother in-law joke's   Double Funeral    Meanings, job CV                

                GAA Dictionary          Why is it        5 min to live        Wise observations    Work Accident        

 25 Proverbs to a healthier life...

1.  If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2.  Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3.  Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any  more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4.  Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5.  If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never  tried before.
6.  My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7.  Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8.  It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite government  program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall  never cease to be amused.

 

 

   If it Blonde jokes  your after here's a select few of the thousands out there

        And now for a small Blonde Revenge Section 

Musical Related Jokes

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

   A flat minor.

 

 What do you call a trombonist with a beeper?

     A optimist.

 

Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?

     To get away from the noise

 

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

 

 

 

              How much is 2+2     Jesus and drug's   Great move Einstein    Got Gas    My Wife Loves Me

   Tiger Wood's BMW      Funny Taste         Tech Support    English lesson        Hard Drinkers

                     Football fans        Role Reversal         Memory            Mirror Mirror          Punctuation           

             15 things you'll never hear a northsider say            PC vs. Car             Relatives           Breast Milk 

 

The following are ACTUAL SIGNS POSTED BY BUSINESSES, 
 
 On a Front Door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
On a Maternity Room Door: Push, Push, Push
Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action  
Optometrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
Taxidermist Window: We really know our stuff.
Sign on Fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.
Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
Butcher's Window: Pleased to meat you.
Sign in an office: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.
Beauty Shop: Dye now!
Garbage Truck: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Computer Store: Out for a quick byte
Diner Window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
Music Library: Bach in a minuet.
Funeral Home: Drive carefully, we'll wait.
Sign on an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts  

 

 

                                                                                                                                                            

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness"

Q: What have the Gas Board and pelicans got in common?
A: They can both stick their bills up their arse.

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.

   ABC's of aging          The Dictionary of Dating        The Train Conductor        Elderly Troubles

             fortune to be made        Comparing Bars        Basic Rules Of Life        Computer one liner's          

 The Balloonist         Toilet Paper         Stupid Dog

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
                                                                                                                                                                                          

If it ever happens that you should find yourself in a public toilet with nothing to do having just done what comes natural, if you have a marker why not leave your mark on the walls..  Below is some of the  
Stuff found on toilet walls...


1. Why are you reading this? The joke is in your hand.
2. Any arsehole can piss on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling!
3. The future is in your hands!
4. Some come here to sit and think. Some come here to shit and sink. But I come here to scratch my balls And read the bullshit on the walls.
5. Scrawled in BIG ANGRY RED letters: 'I FUCKED your mother!!!' Neatly printed in small calm blue letters: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'
6. Sign in the toilet said 'Please use the ashtray'. Guess what was in the ashtray?
7. Written at the very bottom of a bathroom door in very small printing... I had to lean WAY forward to read it.     It said 'You are now shitting at a 45 degree angle!'  
8. On a condom vending machine: 'This gum tastes like rubber!'
9. This toilet paper is like John Wayne: it's tough, it's rough... and it doesn't take shit from anyone.             

         Flies            The Necklace        Raising church funds            Retirement        Make you wonder

              IQ Test            Job Application        What's your Business Sign        New Rooster    

               Rules For Work            Birth control pills at 72        Bad Hearing        

 

I am afraid to say that's it till I get the urge to update again, Don't forget to check out the Picturepage which can also be accessed from the link at the top of the page

curnoel@eircom.net
If you have time on your hands why not check out my other pages which can be accessed from the links at the top of the page