Its the end of the season, and its time for the end of season party of course. The story continues
SHELS FAN - Well lads, the aristocrats of Irish football win the League. As I said while on the way to my luxury house in the country to my butler Giles, I knew along that Keely was the man for the job
UCD FAN - You really are a hypocrite, or as they say in Bulgaria, a prat. You never stopped complaining about him last year
SHELS FAN - Oh shut up you sponger, and get me that Big Mac I ordered
UCD FAN - Ok [goes off]
PATS FAN - I hated him anyway
SHELS FAN - Who ?
PATS FAN - Ah, the UCD fan. Never liked him
DUNDALK FAN - Hate to say it lads but the seasons isn't over
BRAY FAN - Yes, I hear Bohs used a corner flag that was not regulation size in the Cup semi so we'll have to replay that
KILKENNY FAN - I think he means this High Court battle, you Dundalk whingers astound me
Shels fan is glancing over bank account in the background, suddenly goes mad
SHELS FAN - Hey, my account says here I took out £1000 to pay to a bank account of some guy in Merrion Square
KILKENNY FAN - Ah yes, that was me, hope you don't mind
SHELS FAN - How did you, how, how could you
KILKENNY FAN - Ah yes, signed your name on the cheque
SHELS FAN - Thats forgery
KILKENNY FAN - No just a technicality, that right old buddy we all do it don't we
DUNDALK FAN - No we don't, you f*cking cheat, I'll
WATERFORD FAN [interrupts] - McNamarrrrrra, Mc Namarrrra
DUNDALK FAN - As I was saying
WATERFORD FAN - McNamarrra
DUNDALK FAN - Will you shut up, what about you signing Stephen Grant within 30 days of him playing for another club
WATERFORD FAN - Erm ...
DROG FAN - Craptown, a huh, a huh, Division One scum, a huh a huh
DUNDALK FAN - You were relegated, you'll be there next year
DROG FAN - No I won't, I've stopped supporting them now, I am I am, Mammy says I can
SHELS FAN - I do hope, peasant that the puddle you're standing in is merely champagne
DROG FAN - Oh no, not again, Mammy said when she was dressing me this morning that she'd put on the rubber pants, oh no, its going to be a long evening clearing up this mess
KILKENNY FAN - Ah sure don't clean it at all, leave it there, who'll say anything eh. Lads I'm in the mood for robbing a bank, whose coming ?
ROVERS FAN - Need you ask
KILKENNY FAN - Well, even if you don't come you'll be taking the rap cos I'll give your name when I'm arrested
MONAGHAN FAN - Hmm, did you hear about the Dundalk fan who tried to cross the road, he got to the other side
UCD FAN - Shouldn't that be a chicken ?
MONAGHAN FAN - Ah yeah, but sure even if it doesn't make sense I'll say it anyway
GALWAY FAN - What about the Galway boys, we chill until the Waterford score and then Billy come up and head it in and my brothers and I danced and drank some Lilt on the terraces
WATERFORD FAN - McNamaaaaaarrrrra
UCD FAN - Do you say anything else ?
PATS FAN - Lads, this has been the worst season ever as quite obviously Pats haven't won anything. It just goes to show that the players don't care, the club don't care, no one cares. In fact I'm going to cry as no one cares. Edddie, Ozzzzo
LONGFORD FAN - Isahwatboutarniewstanwittazeats
UCD FAN - What ?
CORK FAN = He said boy, what about their new stand boy with the seats for sitting your old bum on boy, know what I mean boy
PATS FAN - Whats the point, you having seats [points finger at Longford fan]. They won't be as nice as our lovely seats
ROVERS FAN - I know, I sit in them when I'm at home picking out relatives on Prime Time
ATHLONE FAN - And sure what about our new ground, guess who'll be playing there in the first game
EVERYONE - MILAN
ATHLONE FAN - Nooo
WATERFORD FAN - McNamaaarrrrrrraaaaaaa
ATHLONE FAN - Actually only kidding, it will be Milan I'm sure
BOHS FAN - Alri lads, who wants a box eh ?
SHELS FAN - Yeah I will
SHELS FAN - Hey, that wasn't me, who was that impersonating me
KILKENNY FAN - Me again, oops
BOHS FAN - Come on folks, I'll take on anyone
Rovers fan runs towards Bohs fan
Bohs fan runs a mile
MONAGHAN FAN - I've got one, what did the priest say at the Dundalk fans funeral, lettuce pray, peas be with you. Ha Ha ha
UCD FAN - Erm, thats just plain stupid, didn't you mean the turnips funeral ?
MONAGHAN FAN - Ah sure whats the difference, just stick Dundalk fan in anywhere and it makes sense, doesn't it ?
DROGHEDA FAN - Ha ha, McNultys a wanker. Oh hang on he's not, crap.
SHELS FAN - Been drinking more champagne Drog fan ?
DROG FAN [looks down] - Oh no, not again
LONGFORD FAN - fookinelloosgonnapayferallathedrinkmebeendrinking
UCD FAN - What ?
CORK FAN - I tell ya boy he meant who's going to pay for all the drink he's gone through tonight
KILKENNY FAN - A little Carter called Fran
DROG FAN [on phone] - hello Mum, can I speak to your brother please.... Ok. Hi, Dad hows it going ? Little problem here ... yes the usual
SHELS FAN - Oh dear, this party has gone a little out of hand. I refuse to socialise with you peasants in future, what with your grubby little habits
DROG FAN - Its nature ok
SHELS FAN - Your lack of regard for authority
KILKENNY FAN - Teehee
SHELS FAN - Your lame jokes
MONAGHAN FAN - Mea culpa
SHELS FAN - And your superiority complex, ok thats me
PATS FAN - And me also, don't forget !
SHELS FAN - Exactly, well for that reason I'm off to join my new buddies, nice respectable chaps. Mr Rangers fan, Mr Galatasaray Fan and Mr Feyenoord fan. And all of you, get out of my house, NOW
The End