This First Division mullarkey is a bit of a pain. It's a new experience for Dundalk FC and Dundalk fans so what do we bring on these cold trips to Longford and Kilkenny and St Francis. I think I know.
In your head bring some sort of flashback from a great moment in Dundalk's past. This will help you get through the season as you know that the reward for getting back up would be an key to getting another shot at such glories
It is important to re affirm your links with civilisation every so often so read a paper to re-assure yourself that there is life elsewhere on the planet
You never know what could happen at one of these matches. David Ward could try, or something else wild and unthinkable could happen. Maybe something funny, You've Been Framed pay £250 for each video shown so this could pay a couple of players' wages. If nothing funny happens at the match then record some of the antics of the Dundalk travelling support [this is particularly relevant on overnight stays ]. Then blackmail the Dundalk fans in question and make a nice little earner for yourself
This is good for the confidence because despite the fact they are currently on the up end of the see saw and we are on the bottom , Drogheda, are still getting the crap kicked out of them. Try to count the Drogheda points using your fingers and use the other hand to hold the paper
We can sing about Rovers and all those Premier Division teams but what can we sing about our new rivals. Sweet FA because their fans won't be antagonised. They'll probably just agree. I can't picture myself joyfully celebrating a goal in John Hyland Park, pointing at the St Francis section and saying, " that'll shut him up ".
Lets be honest, at some away games there'll be more knives than fans, I'm thinking of Limerick and Athlone when I say that. Taking that into consideration I think we should bring forks, spoons and possibly napkins to confuse these supporters.
After all, not many of these grounds have covered areas, I am thinking of Home Farm here, possibly the only ground where players outnumber home fans and this was when they were in the Premier Division. If it started lashing rain then Whitehall is not the place to be, in fact it is not even close to being the place to me. Therefore umbrellas and hats, scarves and old programmes, anything that can keep you dry must be brought. Getting pneumonia is not an option, the illness of course being one problem, the likelihood of a visit to Drogheda is another
If you happen to pinch yourself and realise you are in Strokestown Road standing on a muddy grassy bank in the rain and hail of December you're going to lose your senses and you will need something to calm you down and renew your faith in mankind
I'm sure someone somewhere will be looking for updates so they might ring you but if you're bored you can always amuse yourself by ringing RTE and telling them David Beckham is at the Dundalk match in Whitehall. Low and behold you'll have 15 cameras there in minutes and even Colm Murray. Ho ho that will be funny
Before each bring out the radio and turn it up to full volume with the annoying but suitable song " The Only Way Is Up " playing away. This will psyche up the players before the game and get you into the spirit.
It's going to be one hell of a long season