1 Pick the game. Dublin is nearby , why bother going anywhere else .
2 Find the right presenter. Preferably the guy who knows nothing whatsoever about soccer apart from David Beckham's highlights.
3 Advertise English soccer wherever possible. Last day of season , neutrals are watching as Shels are 1 minute away from defeat and what does George Hamilton say " It's just like in England in 1989 when Arsenal were needed to win 2-0 and scored in the last minute ". So the typical neutral says " I remember that , don't mind this I think I have a video somewhere of that "
4 Annoy the guests = Pat Dolan on Cup Final day . He says " The greatest rival in this country is English soccer , we must promote our game and not other peoples " . Ger Canning half listens and then says " Thank you Pat and now for the latest scores cross channel "
5 Dim the noise of crowd.. Never mind those fools singing and giving atmosphere we need to hear George with more comparisons with English soccer.
6 Never show the crowd huddled together with their teams jersey on , No , Lets show a 10 year old kid with a Man United jersey on his own away from the crowd so George can say something like " ha , he's not a happy man this year "
7 It is important to get ages wrong. Example , a 32 year old player joins from Scotland and George comments " Well this kid has got a promising future ahead of him "
8 Names , as if people care. Brian Byrne and David Ward merge to become David Byrne . Kelvin Flanagan becomes Kevin O Flanagan , Dessie Baker despite not playing still gets the credit for a well taken corner , Dean Fitzgerald becomes Dean Fitzmaurice and Robbie Devereaux becomes Tony . Yet the best is saved till last. Championship deciding night. Martin Reid scores for Kilkenny in his last game. Cue Rile Nugent the next day on Sports Results. " Martin Reid scores in his last game for Kilkenny before retirement , unfortunately it's first division next year for him "
9 Even better get Johnny Giles for a huge game between Pats and Shels . Expert analyst Giles first comment is " Well its been a few years since I've watched Irish soccer now "
10 Interview Damien Richardson