Senior Teen page
16-19

Are you going to let the Junior teens beat you to it. we expect some great

 stuff on this page 

want to know how ?
E-Mail us:-  claremont@iolfree.ie

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"EuroEnglish"


The EU Dream

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be
known as "EuroEnglish":


In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. 

  Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the languag Is disgrasful, and they should go away.

By the 4th yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords containing "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU

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Know any "Oxymoron's" send them in. Things like.

A not too bright guy’s house is somehow set on fire so he runs outside to use a pay phone to call for help.

He gets the 999 operator, and is transferred to the fire brigade.

"Mr. Fireman, my house is on fire.  You have to help me!" 

The Fireman replies, "Yes, yes Sir.  And how do I find your house?"

The not too bright guy pauses a moment, and replies, "Umm, it's the house that's on fire. You'll see the big red flames." 

Realizing now that he's talking to a not too bright guy, the fireman replies, "No Sir.  You don't understand.  How would you like me to get to your house?"

Reacting with frustration, the not too bright guy says, "A big red truck. Duh!"

?'s
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.