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Laughs |
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In Saint Andrews Wallace Green Church of Scotland, Berwick, the PA system was picking up messages from local taxi drivers. Imagine the reaction when after the ‘Amen’ of the prayers of intercession, a clear voice said ‘request understood and will be dealt with promptly’!
Sunday School Comments
Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.
Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
Prayer
Lord make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
The chaplain to the American Senate was asked “Do you pray for the Senators ?” “No” he replied, “I look at the Senators and pray for the country.”
Courtroom quotes
Q-What is your date of birth? A-July fifteenth Q-What year? A-Every year.
Q-What gear were you in at the moment of impact? A-Gucci sweater and Reeboks.
Q-Is your appearance here pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A-No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q-Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A-No. Q-Did you check for blood pressure? A-No. Q-Did you check for breathing? A-No. Q-So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A-No. Q-How can you be so sure? A-Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. Q-But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A-It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
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