Darts News, January 2000

HOME!!! 10 December 1999 KARL HEANEY CITED BY LYNCH Colm Lynch last night cited Karl Heaney for the ugly incident in which Heaney threw a dart at Lynch as a result of barracking from the crowd in Darts 99 (see Darts 99 report). Lynch also amazingly claimed that due to the injury, he was unable to perform to the best of his ability and subsequently lost his quarter final against Mulvey. The quarter final against Mulvey is regarded by most as the worst match in the history of the tournament, even surpassing the Styles v Guinan borefest of 1997. Heaney, who has subsequently emigrated was tracked down last night for a comment. When he was told by reporters he had been cited, he laughed loudly and then stared into space. The discipilinary sub-committee are said to be taking the citation very seriously. See below for full details on the citation. "Colm Lynch of Trimleston Darts club cites Karl Heaney of Cairo darts club, formerly of Swinford. The following letter was received by the subcommitte on 9 December 1999. Dear Minister, let me be the first to approach the disciplinary board with a citation for abhorrent behaviour. At last years event an ugly incident occured, which involved myself, the victim, Colm Lynch, struck with a deadly projectile, namely a dart. The culprit, an unruly and largely unintelligent being, was Karl Heaney. The result of his actions were that I suffered severe discomfort to the mid femur region of the leg, as the dart penetrated to the bone!. This resulted in large quantities consumed in a bid to sterilise the injury, thus leading to me being involved in the worst game of darts in history, and so in a way affected all present!. I demand that action is taken to prevent this reoccuring, and am sure that the board will act in a manner satisfactory to the plaintiff. Regards C. Lynch." Darts News 5th January 2000 KING OF DARTS KELLY 'WOEFULLY OUT OF SORTS' Cavan hardman Colm Lynch slammed King of Darts Pat Kelly as 'woeful bad' and 'out of sorts' following a recent challenge game between the two men. The game was a charity friendly played at the Trimleston venue over the Christmas holiday which the King of Darts won easily. Some days after the game, Lynch told the media that Kelly had played very poorly and would not retain his title if he played like that. However supporters of the popular Ringsend man lashed Lynch. 'Lynch is shit poor, and it says it all that Pat could play so poorly and still beat him,' an insider told us. 'Come Darts 2000 Pat will have upped his game.' LYNCH IN HIBERNATION Following on from his massacre during the Christmas friendly, Colm Lynch has shut himself off from all contact with the outside world by locking himself into his room with a television only leaving to eat and drink. Clubmate and tournament organiser Gary Corcoran was quoted at being concerned at Lynch's seclusion from the outside world. 'Colm was a big attraction for the fans at Darts 99 and as the novelty entertainment at Darts 98. I'm sure he'll be back in public life soon and that his exile is just to focus his mind for the forthcoming event,' Corcoran said last night. HEANEYS' QUEST CONTINUES The Heaney brothers' annual quest to bring the King of Darts title West of the Shannon to Mayo continues this year. However younger brother Enda Heaney has rubbished their bid by stating on the Darts website that he himself would be closer to winning than his brothers Dave and the diminuitive Al Heaney. In 1997 Al was unceremoniously dumped out by rank outsider Tom Henry who went on to win the title. In 1998, Al and Karl Heaney both cracked under pressure against the nerves of steel of eventual winner Johnny the Cat Heaney (no relation). Last year Dave Heaney was hyped up as the great white hope however Dave and Al bottled out and Karl's bid ended in ugly and disgraceful scenes. Could this be their year? According to Enda Heaney - NO! TWIN TORCH APPROACH FOR SUPERROBOT Neil 'Superrobot' Corcoran has adopted a novel method of training for Darts 2000. The Milton-Keynes based artiste sellotapes two magnalite torches onto a pair of spectacles to enable 24 hour a day practice. The magnalite torches has sent Superrobot a massive boost, however he still faces massive obstacles if he is to compete in Darts 2000. Milton-Keynes has become a haven for soft-tippers and this surely is not an ideal place to begin preparations. NO NEWS ON FURTHER CITATIONS On the citation front, the news is quiet however a delegation from Denmark has been in contact with the Minister with a view to further a citation. Darts News 10th January 2000 TIGHE PULLS OUT OF DARTS 2000 Cavan man Declan Tighe has withdrawn from Darts 2000 in an ignomous fashion. Tighe, not regarded as a major contender withdrew as he is leaving the country to link up with another former Stag's Head barman, the 1998 King of Darts Johnny 'The Cat' Heaney. The committee would like to wish Declan all the best on his emigration. However his withdrawal was slammed by former club-mate Colm Lynch. Lynch, who has locked himself in a room for fifteen days launched a stinging attack on Tighe. However as he was shouting through the keyhole we couldn't make out the exact details. HEANEY AND LYNCH CITED BY NEILSEN Soren Neilsen, the only Scandanavian ever to play in the tournament has cited Alan Heaney and Colm Lynch as the men who stole his beer in the build up to Darts 99 (see Last year's news). Heaney and Lynch were strongly suspected at the time, and never denied the incident. If found guilty there will be serious repercussions for the popular Mayo midget and Lynch, who has shut himself off from society. Here is the citation "The Danish embassy cites Alan Heaney and Colm Lynch The following letter was sent directly to the Minister and received on 10 January 2000 Dear Minister, We write with disgust regarding two of your so-called tournament's more high profile players and their disgraceful actions. Our representative Mr. Soren Neilsen entered your tournament last year to provide massive exposure for the sponsors in Scandanavia. It is little surprise Neilsen didn't progress far as his specially purchased alcohol was stolen by Alan Heaney who was abetted by Lynch. We propose that Lynch and Heaney be banned from this year's event so as to restore some self respect to your disgusting sideshow, Yours, S. Neilsen" OVERWHELMING VOTE FOR SATURDAY TOURNAMENT In a poll held on this website, fans and players voting firmly in favour of holding the Darts 2000 tournament on a Saturday. Almost 1 in every 2 voters elected that the event should be held on a Saturday. The committee are treated the results with an open mind. NEW CHAT FEATURE ON WEBSITE A chatroom is now available on this website for fans and players to discuss the forthcoming event. This is an exciting innovation and is proving massively popular with the punters at present. Darts News 18th January 2000 HOLY WAR 2 FOR LYNCH AND HENRY Cavan hardman Colm Lynch and purposeless wide-boy James Henry have started another 'Holy war' in a follow up to last year's ugly battles. Lynch and Henry, who last year clashed over a series of alleged vandalisms on Lynch's car have this year clashed over the term 'British isles'. Lynch believes the term is a political one which should not be used, but Henry countered in the words of Pat Spillane 'it is the geographical entity the British Isles I refer to.' There is still believed to be bad blood since last year's war fizzled out and no resolution is in sight. LYNCH STARTS WAR ON SECOND FRONT Recluse Colm Lynch last night launched a stinging attack on Trimleston new boy Digger Matthews. 'Matthews is rubbish,' Lynch told us on his internet site. 'I don't often agree with James Henry but there is too much rubbish being brought into the competition. Last year we had to suffer the likes of Ryan, SuperRobot and Karl's mates playing boring darts and this year it is the intolerable Matthews.' Matthews and James Henry were unavailable for comment as they were involved in a number of limpwristed '301 down' practice matches, which Henry eventually won, however Dave Heaney spoke out in defence of Lynch. 'I tink dat some wan is out to git Linchie. I do not tink he would say a ting like dat'. Gary Corcoran also defended Lynch and Digger Matthews. 'I think there is a media witch-hunt against Lynch, due to allegations arising from the Danish citation and from the disgraceful scenes last year involving Karl Heaney. Digger Matthews is a key player in the Trimleston club and I hope one of us can help the title stay in the house this year.' BAD NEWS HEADS THE POLL Barney Johnson is the clear leader in the 'who will win darts 2000?' poll hosted on this website. Johnson stands on 19% ahead of closest rivals Pat Kelly and John Joyce. However the poll has been rocked by claims that those voting for Johnson are the internet jokers behind the Ronnie O'Brien poll riggings. 'Frankly, I find it amazing that people would vote for Barney Johnson and regard him as a serious contender,' commented one rival player. 'The poll is a complete sham if that deadbeat is on top.' Johnson has publicly vowed to avenge his defeat in last years tournament against bitter rival Barry Conroy and remains a serious threat. CAT TURNS BACK ON DARTS 1998 King of Darts Johnny 'The Cat' Heaney has turned his back on the event which made him a superstar and has no more interest in the sport. The organisers, had hoped to have a video linkup with 'The Cat' and use him as a sort of a Bobby Charlton ambassador. However the Cat has more pressing matters to attend to having been struck down by a chronic bout of diarrhoea. Rival Al Heaney said 'de cett wess ennly en ett fer de menny, the besterd.' DATE TO BE DECIDED SOON. BETTING PREVIEW 'Well its that time of year again and this year promises to be full of excitement and the sheer magic of the glorious sport of darts. Prime athletes from all over the British Isles are right now honing their multitude of talents to perfection. But who will win the 4th Annual Darts Tournament, here's how the bookies see it. Previous winners Tom Henry and Pat Kelly are short being 8 and 3/1 2F respectively. Maybe Kelly has had his day and doesn't look good at those odds. Tom Henry, the elder yet diminiutive Henry brother is generous but was his title win just a purple patch? This is the tournament where it is 'put up or shut up' from him. Tournament favourite goes to Intercounty love rat Dave Heaney. The dual star said in a recent interview that "Football has let me down in its me so for me I want to concentrate on my first sporting love, darts. Winning this would make up for all the hurt and loneliness of the last 3 or 4 years". There's no doubting this man's talent but will he like his football exploits promise so much and deliver pap? But what of Mad Al 'the midget' Heaney at 8/1 should be up there with the best but can he handle the enormous pressure a champion has to endure? He'll certainly beat those at the lower end of the darts ladder, but he's just not polished enough to see it through. Much has been lauded of John Joyce this year after an impressive debut last. If he can get into his stride he'll be there or there abouts, get him early at a short 5/1. As for the vastly improved Paul McGettrick great EW bet at 10s. Pa Ryan was another who received his baptism last year and is lauded highly at 10/1. Noted as being one to avoid in the draw, but can he curb his suspect temperament? But what of the rest of the home lads; James Henry, Gary Corcoran, Colm 'Fitness' Lynch and "Digger Matthews"? The latter 2 will entertain the crowds but will be swept away by any kind of decent oppostion - don't waste your money on them. James Henry and Gary Corcoran though could cause upsets with their dangerously adventurous style of darts and cider drinking. Corcoran got to the semis last year in Henry's adsence, between them they'll claim a scalp or 2, decent each way bets at 16 and 20. The rest of the field is full of those who'll be darts fodder for the more accomplished athletes just described. Jimmy Styles looks the sharpest bet at 80/1, old stalwarts like Meyler and Guinan will put up a passing challenge but too many questions still have to be asked of Johnson, Conroy, Neil Corcoran and the famous 'No Show' Murtagh brothers.' ODDS Big Dave Heaney 2/1 F Pat Kelly 3/1 2F John Joyce 5/1 Al Heaney 8/1 Dom Henry 8/1 Paul McGettrick 10/1 Pa Ryan 10/1 James Henry 16/1 Gary Corcoran 20/1 Barry Conroy 25/1 Barney Johnson 33/1 Neil Corcoran 50/1 Colm Lynch 50/1 Digger Matthews 66/1 Jimmy Styles 80/1 Conor Guinan 100/1 Vince Meyler 150/1 Jason Murtagh 150/1 Mick Murtagh 500/1 Darts news 24th January 2000 MARCH DATE LIKELY FOR DARTS 2000 A feasibility study is underway by the organising committee to investigate having the Darts 2000 bonanza on either March the 11th or the 25th. Feedback from all individuals is welcome for this study. HENRY BROTHERS IN UGLY CLASH Tom and James Henry clashed last week in an ugly exchange following an attack by Tom Henry on some of the elements that have crept into Darts. Tom attacked the 'the scum with their pop star haircuts and their tommy hilfiger shirts' clearly a reference to his beleaguered brother James, who Tom beat on the way to the inaugaral Darts championship in 1997. James Henry hit back releasing a short statement attacking his brother and referring to his 'afro haircut' and 'bad clothes'. Last year James Henry pulled out at the last minute refusing to play in the tournament. Many observers reckoned he had 'cracked' along with the likes of Dave and Al Heaney however Henry maintained a dignified silence, and is determined to be a force this year. Tom on the other hand was destroyed by Pat Kelly in the opening round in a humiliating defeat. Tom is no longer seen may many as a major contender but will be a difficult opponent for all in Darts 2000. CORCORAN ATTACKS MATTHEWS OVER 'DISGUSTING REMARKS' Tournament organiser Gary Corcoran has hit out at debutant Digger Matthews following comments made on the mailing list regarding James Henry. 'This is exactly the sort of thing my mate Tom Henry was referring to. Darts 97 and 98 were excellent events both in terms of darts and intellectual discourse. Darts 99 was different in that the darts was superb but the latter element lost out to a tawdry gutter element which had unfortunately crept in. When I read some of the comments these competitors make, frankly it leaves me disgusted.' When asked was he specifically referring to Digger Matthews, Corcoran replied 'yes, him and others. I will be requesting more gentlemanly conduct from competitors this year. Vile behaviour is not tolerated at the Circus tavern, Purfleet or the Lakeside Country Club. I think most players will help me ensure that such behaviour is not tolerated in Trimleston this March.' Corcoran closed by paying tribute to Jimmy Styles and Conor Guinan for the dignified way they have conducted their build-ups. CALLS FOR REDUCTION IN PRIZE MONEY A call has been made for the reduction in the amount of prize money for Darts 2000 has been made by a number of players, who wish to remain anonymous. Last year the entrance fee was raised to 5 pounds, which meant the total prize money on offer was a three figure sum. However concern has been raised linking the amount of prize money on offer with some of the unseemly incidents which occurred in Darts 2000. Darts 99 was marred by gamesmanship, gutter barracking from the crowd and a petulant squealing match by supporters of one player in the early hours. It is believed that a reduction in prize money would help ensure such incidents would not occur again. JOHNSON STILL AHEAD IN POLL Barney Johnson is still ahead in the winners poll, just a vote ahead of Jimmy Styles and James Henry. The poll will close Friday week. DARTS HEADLINES 27 January 2000 FLOP HEANEY PULLS OUT OF DARTS 2000. Intercounty love-rat and tournament favourite Big Dave Heaney has pulled out of Darts 2000 citing the pressures of being a dual star as his reason for withdrawal. In a short statement released to press and media last night, Heaney said the following. 'My name is David Heaney and I am from Swinford. I am sorry to announce that I won't be playing in Darts 2000. This is because I have to go home most weekends for matches, so will most likely miss the darts whatever weekend it is on in March. I am sorry to have let down my fans, and I hope people don't think of me like the Murtaghs. I'd also like to wish my brother Alan all the best in the tournament and hope he can do us proud.' Heaney was greeted with howls of disapproval from the crowd and his words were drowned out by jeers. Gary Corcoran was non-commital on the issue of Heaney's withdrawal. 'Sure, he's a quality player and can throw good scores. But there's more to the tournament than throwing big scores. Withstanding the pressure and pace are key factors and I have no doubt David will do Mayo proud.' But Heaney was slammed by James Henry. 'He's choked again. Useless. He's a poor man's Jimmy Welsh.' Colm Lynch joined in on the attack on Heaney telling us 'He's a moaning auld fucker. He'd be giving out that the darts are too heavy and too sharp. Then there wouldn't be sugar for his tea. Well he can shove it up his arse as far as I'm concerned.' Heaney's timid withdrawal for the second year running has left the race wide open again. With current King of Darts Pat Kelly running with a very low profile at present and many of the other contenders woefully out of sorts, the title is up for grabs no mistake. PROVISIONAL DATE SET FOR MARCH 11. The date for Darts 2000 has been set for Saturday March 11th. Confirmation will be sent in due course. Also, there will be a limited number of contestants this year due to insurance reasons and feasibility. Any further interested parties may be admitted to the tournament with prior approval from the committee. SUPER ROBOT WINS POLL WITH LATE SURGE The 'who will win Darts 2000' internet poll was won by Neil 'Super Robot' Corcoran with a massive 21% of the vote. Corcoran benefited by a surge in votes over the last few days from internet users in Scandanavia. LYNCH ENDS SOLITARY CONFINEMENT Colm Lynch has ended his seclusion from the outside world after a one month exile. Lynch looking gaunt and thin, sporting a bushy beard and dishevelled haircut spoke to reporters. 'I needed to focus for darts 2000 and mentally I am ready. Arrow wise I'm in good form hitting a few nice scores and checking out well. My unit training will commence now and hopefully I'll be in shape by the time of the tournament. In fairness, I let meself down unitswise last year.' Lynch reached the quarter finals last year when he was knocked out by old foe Brian Mulvey in a farcical contest when the play was reduced to a snail's pace. Observers believe that Lynch will be a real threat if he can up his stamina levels as last year he was found lacking. STYLES IN MINI-TOURNAMENT Jimmy Styles, determined to be taken seriously is competing in a mini-tournament over the next week or so to gear up for Darts 2000. Styles will be facing the pick of the finest blind, armless pygmis from the ESB and SIPTU. Details on how Jimmy gets on will be posted here.