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HOME!!! 26 August BYRAN SLAMS REILLY'S TITLE VICTORY In an astonishing attack, outspoken darts star Ciaran Bryan claimed that Denis Reilly's 2002 King of Darts title victory was "worthless" and that Bryan himself was the "true champion". "I am the people's champion and the real champion," Bryan told press on his Italian cycling holiday. "Reilly turned up late and I would have questions about the units he consumed. He certainly gave himself an advantage. I dropped fewer legs during the day and therefore must be considered the people's champion and the true King of Darts" However various Darts commentators have hit back in defence of the Marshall. "The Marshall is brilliant," said long time associate, the popular Barry Conroy, "he's something else". Minister Gary Corcoran backed the Marshall, "at the end of the tournament, Denis had beated Ciaran 3-1 in the final. Nobody can deny that and it makes Denis the King of Darts. Denis also rigidly complied with the units rules" Outspoken hardman Colm "Mad Dog" O'Donnell was more to the point - "You can call it what you want, I call it messing with the kid." DELEGATION TO TRAVEL FOR SUPER ROBOT DECISION A delegation, headed by the Minister Gary Corcoran, will travel to the East End of London to meet with Neil "Super Robot" Corcoran for clarification on rumours that the 2001 King of Darts is retiring from the genre. Super Robot, who played a brilliant but unsuccessful match against the Field Marshall in Darts 2002 suggested afterwards that he had played his last match in the series. Super Robot had bravely played through illness at Darts 2002 and suffered greatly for the ordeal. He was also reported to be deeply unhappy at the Committee's treatment of John McNab. At a later function he refused to comment on the suggestion that he would retire, adding fuel to rumours that he will quit. The delegation that will include upcoming prodigy Liam "Bus Man" Corcoran are travelling to London in September with an open mind to hear the Robot's submissions. Also on hand will be Tom "The Truth" Henry who is concerned for Super Robot. Henry said last week at an after dinner speech "it's hard to win the King of darts title but it can be even harder to deal with the pressure of being champion and the ordeal of losing ones title. I suffered greatly in the years following by darts win and needed to take a lengthy break from the game. I hope I can be of support to big Neil." CAT - A SHADOW OF THE MAN HE USED TO BE John "The Cat" Heaney returned at the weekend to a rapturous welcome from his adoring fanset. The Cat, the 1998 king of Darts is seen by many as a legendary figure due to his style of play in winning darts 98 and his all time unbeaten record. Modern experts however maintain, the cat did well to win a weak tournament when darts was in its infancy. They argue he would be blown away in the modern game by the likes of Joyce, Reilly, Dolan Kelly and Super Robot, and would pose little problem for the likes of Byran, the Minister, Doheny and O'Donnell. Cat fanatics maintain that he is the greatest and will destroy the field when he eventually returns to the game. These disciples were not given much hope when he returned from South America in tatters, having to be propped up at the bar by loyal fans and helped home. More details on the Cat will follow at every oppurtunity. POLL RESULTS WHICH WAS THE GREATEST DARTS FINAL VICTORY??? HENRY V OAKLEY 22% J HEANEY V A HEANEY 16% KELLY V SOWER 28% DOLAN V JOYCE 5% CORCORAN V JOYCE 25% REILLY V BRYAN 4% 10 Sept MINISTER/SUPER ROBOT SET FOR SHOWDOWN TALKS The Minister for Posts and Telegraphs, Mr Gary Corcoran is on the verge of flying out to London for a week long tour. In his busy itinerary he is set for showdown talks with his brother, Neil "Super Robot" Corcoran regarding the issue of rumours of the 2001 King of Darts' retirement from the sport. N Corcoran is not expected to travel for the 2003 event but the Committee hope to secure a pledge that he will return for the 2004 event. Also part of the delegation will be younger brother Liam "Bus Man" Corcoran. Later in the week, the Minister will take part in a charity event called "an day in a pub, with Tom Henry" where the two darts veterans will regale the audience with their classic darts tales, rugby league anecdotes and other memoirs. MARSHALL EYES UP CANARIES TOUR Denis "The Field Marshall" Reilly, the reigning King of darts is setting the foundations for a mammoth tour of the Canaries with a plane load of rowdy revellers to celebrate his Darts 2002 win. Reilly said "this is a thank you to all my fans and a deserved break for all the hard work that was put in". DRUID HENRY SECURES NEW SPONSORSHIP DEAL James "The Druid" Henry, darts star and cad was given a boost for Darts 2003 as he secured a new sponsorship deal with a Dublin based Bank. Henry was left high and dry at the end of the season when his previous sponsors went bust, unable to fund the Druid's lavish lifestyle. Henry made vast improvements in Darts 2002 securing his first win in four years and posed some questions for eventual champion Denis "Der Marshall" Reilly in the quarters. When asked to comment on the news, Henry brusquely told reporters "Worked hard, deserved it". BRYAN'S ITALIAN TOUR ENDS IN DISGUST AND SCORN Darts 2002 runner up Ciaran Bryan's end of season tour of Italy ended in farce when he returned home early last week leaving the rest of his party high and dry and facing massive restaurant bills. "The Bear" was scheduled to appear in over twenty North Italian venues as part of his tour and would play charity matches against local talent. However, similar to Pa "The Scorpion King" Ryan's US tour in 2000, most venues cancelled his appearances due to the collossal restaruant bills he amassed. Bryan was something of a novel figure in the Italian press and earned the nickname "Malabar". "It was pure savagery, I felt sorry for his entourage," one Turin based reporter said. 30 October MARSHALL ENTOURAGE RETURN AFTER MASSIVELY SUCCESSFUL TRIP The King of Darts, Denis "the Field Marshall" Reilly has returned with his star studded entourage after a "massively successful" and well-earned trip to the Canary Islands to celebrate his darts win and reward his successful back room team. Also on the trip were darts stars, Barry "The Baz" Conroy, Brendan "that's shite" Fay and former King of Darts Tom "the truth" Henry. "It was a veritable parade of darts stars", said one local islander, "the darts truly is a massive event in Dublin. We were delighted the stars were spreading the message". Reilly's tour followed a massively successful celebration party in Dublin, and a weekend event in Listowel, Co Kerry. The Marshall is remaining tight lipped about his plans for the winter, however experts are maintaining that if anyone is to beat the Marshall, they will need massive reserves of stamina. MINISTER'S LONDON VISIT ENJOYABLE BUT ULTIMATELY UNSUCCESSFUL Gary "The Minister" Corcoran has confessed to insiders that his recent London trip in which he had showdown talks with his brother over the latter's rumored retirement, was "enjoyable, but unsuccessful". The Minister spoke "Neil has indicated he will not be at Darts 2003. His efforts in winning Darts 2001 and his attempt to defend his title have left him drained." The news will disappoint darts followers everywhere, due to the massive popularity of "Super Robot", however the Minister did have some good news. "We are hopeful he will return for the 2004 event, he has not ruled that out". Otherwise the Minister's trip was a success, as he fulfilled his fixture meeting up with the inaugural King of Darts Tom Henry among other successful outings. MINISTER TO PRESS FOR JANUARY EVENT DATE The Minister for Posts of Telegraphs, Gary Corcoran has announced privately to associates, his intention to have the Darts 2003 event staged in January, or at latest February of 2003. Corcoran said, "we have a strong and loyal darts community who have kept the event going over the years. I intend to ensure the players are able to attend the 2003 event as many have other commitments, both sporting and personal. From experience, the early stages of the darting season is the time when most players have fewest other commitments." When asked to comment on where the 2003 event will take place, Corcoran replied "I am hopeful the event can be staged again in the excellent Walsh Road venue. Darts 2002 was a massive success and now is the time to build on that. I will enter discussions with Messrs Johnson and Reilly shortly". The Minister's controversial plan means that players could possibly have less time than before to prepare for the event and a shorter darts season. The reactions of major players to the plan will be featured in darts news shortly. STYLES FEARS RETURN TO DARK DAYS FOR DARTS Darts maverick Jimmy Styles, the vindicator has expressed his fears to the committee that the darts events could return to "a cesspit of yob culture" when Karl Heaney's ban expires. Styles said "I was looking at the darts photo archive of scenes from the past where Tom Henry had pinned Karl Heaney to the table after his sickening attack on Colm Lynch when the horror of darts' old days came back to haunt me. I am very fearful that Heaney will return and we will see this sort of thing again, only on a greater scale". The Committee were quick to allay James' fears. "Karl is serving a five year ban which won't expire till 2005. Even when he does return he will have lost his ranking so will need to apply again from scratch. In light of the huge interest at present and our commitment to new and existing players, it is unlikely we will see those scenes again. The ban has been a massive success". DARTS NEWS 20-11-02 PLAYERS WELCOME MOVE TO JANUARY DARTS The decision of the Committee to bring forward Darts 2003 to January, from its traditional March/April date, has been welcomed on the whole by most players. The decision, announced by the Minister last month has been saluted by the hardcore of Darts players. Speaking from his Richmond base, in SW London, the 1997 King of Darts Tom "The Truth" Henry told press "we're darts players - it's the darts tournament - we play darts, end of discussion". Bitter rival and brother James "the druid" Henry said "obviously it's a greater challenge to get in shape earlier but it is one that the majority of players will rise to". Other players who announced their approval were Jimmy Styles, Paul Dolan and Barney Johnson. The Minister told press, "We are pleased with the positive response from players. The next step is to ensure Walsh Road is available again and I don't see a problem there. I will discuss with key players then to ascertain which Saturday in January is the best. I will then meet with Mssrs Johnson and Reilly to discuss logistics." The decision to host Darts 2003 in January means that competitors have potentially less than two months to prepare for the event, with the shortest season ever. MINISTER DENIES "BITTER" RIFT In an related development, the Minister for Posts and Telegraphs Gary Corcoran was slammed by family groups who claimed that his motion to move Darts 2003 to January is motivated by a vindictive bitterness to ensure Neil "Super Robot" Corcoran will not appear at Darts 2003. The representative has claimed "Gary has personal issues with Neil following his trip to London in September. He made the trip to discuss with Neil his retirement decision. The trip was not a success he feels angry and has moved the darts to January to ensure Neil will have no proper amount of time to reverse his decision." However, the Minister dismissed this claim as "far-fetched nonsense". CAT SET TO RETURN FOR DARTS 2003 Darts 98 champ Johnny "The Cat" Heaney has given the world of darts a massive boost with the news that he will return for Darts 2003, following a five year absence. Heaney, who adds he is the only man never to have lost a match in the darts events, said he sees no obstacles to prevent him from returning to the sport in January. However analysts say, that the darts world he will return to in January is massively different than the world he left as champion, in 1998. "The standard of darts in the early years was rubbish," said analyst Dave Devins, "with no disrespect to those who took part in the early days, but the standard only started to rise when the likes of Kelly, Dolan, Joyce, Reilly and Super Robot came on the scene. Take the Jimmy Styles versus High Priest Guinan match in 97. It almost destroyed the whole genre, so dreadful was the quality." However Minister Gary Corcoran defended John Heaney and the standard in the early years. "John was a great champion, and the players he beat on the way to his title would thrive in any era. People can argue, debate and compare players from different eras, and that is a beautiful part of the game. The record book never lies". JANUARY DATE GOOD FOR FAY Cavan wildman Brendan Fay received a boost with the news that Darts 2003 has been moved to January. Fay, who had an excellent debut in darts 2002, is due to leave Ireland on a world tour next spring. The January date for Darts 2003 ensures that barring work commitments, he will be able to compete in darts 2003. However Cavan hardman Colm Lynch had a stinging verbal warning for Fay. Lynch, who defeated Fay in the excellent but bitter Cavan derby at Darts 2002 said "Fay can fuck off to Australia now, as far as I'm concerned. It's a load of shite." Fay's potential participation is a major boost as the athletic action man is a major attraction. 17 December RYAN LASHES BACK AT CRITICS Pa "The Collossus" Ryan has lashed back at critics who have suggested he has underachieved in his darts career. Ryan, who burst onto the scene in Darts 99 has shown a promising amount of talent but has never gotten past the quarter finals. Amidst stinging criticism from pundits in his North Tipp homeland, Ryan issued a defiant rebuffal to critics. Flanked by his personal manager, Mr B. Ormonde, and other Tipp heavies, Ryan read a prepared statement to the crowd, "It's my life, set me free, So you bed, so you lie. What you see is what you get, Listen to people and sort things out, Things I do I do them no more, Things I say I say them no more, Changes come once in life." Ryan added, "Stop bugging me, stop bothering me, Stop bugging me, stop forcing me, Stop fighting me, stop yelling me, Stop telling me, stop saying me, It's my life", While press representative were perplexed by the statement, Ryan's close followers showered him with praise. "Pa is class," enthused Ormonde, "class!" while Mr G Connell added "He's Irish, he's Irish!". Time will tell whether Ryan can build on previous performances and make a massive breakthrough in 2003. ROBOT, HENRY FLY IN FOR CHRISTMAS TOURS Former Darts champs Tom "the truth" Henry and Neil Super Robot Corcoran are due to arrive in Ireland this weekend for their Christmas tours. While Henry is regarded as a probable for Darts 2003, Super Robot is remaining tight-lipped after denying he has retired from the Darts genre. "He never announced a retirement," said his press agent Mr J. Minnix, "his plans are not finalised but he was misrepresented. Meanwhile, Tom Henry will engage in a couple of functions in Dublin, followed by a tour of the West. His tour of the West will step up a gear for the new year, when he will be joined by the King of Darts Denis Reilly and other leading stars, such as Barry Conroy and Barney Johnson. "This is the best thing to happen to the West for years," Councillor D. Kelly told Darts News. MINISTER DENIES DOLAN RIFT The Minister for Posts and Telegraphs Gary Corcoran has denied a rift with Darts 2000 champ Paul Dolan over the return of Dolan's arrows, which the Minister claims to have "mistakenly held" for over a year". Dolan left his arrows in the Minister's car, in the Summer of 2001. Despite meeting Dolan a staggering seventeen times since, Corcoran did not return the arrows until October this year, when he claims to have left them on the table of Dolan's house during a family function. However insiders from Killorglan have reported that Dolan has still not got his arrows and is furious at being unable to commence practice. Mr P. O'Se of the Kerryman said "Paul is very keen to start practice for Darts 2003 and is angry that he does not have the darts." However the Minister responded, "I gave the darts to Dolan's wife and she said she would look after them. The matter is resolved as far as I am concerned." No official statement was available from the Dolan camp. BYRAN DEMANDS TOP BILLING FOR DARTS 2003 Ciaran "Malabar" Bryan has announced that he expects Darts 2003 should be marketed as "Ciaran Bryan in Darts 2003". The astonishing demand comes with less than one month to go to the event. Bryan said "I am clearly the Darts champion, in all but title. There was nobody who could match me, except for Reilly who had consumed dubious amounts of units. It is no co-incidence that the Darts events I have competed in have been regarded as by far the best" A number of leading player have reacted furiously to Bryan's comments. Jimmy Styles said "it's a disgrace. This fellow is getting too big for his boots," while Colm Mad Dog O'Donnell added "I'm furious". However, this time the controversial hardman Byran was back by the authority of the Minister. "Ciaran is a massive attraction. While it is highly unlikely we will ever give top billing to any player, I welcome Ciaran's efforts to publicise the sport". |