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HOME!!! Feb 9 CAT FEARS FOR TITLE DEFENCE Johnny the Cat Heaney has confirmed his entry but the 98 King of darts fears he will not retain his title. This he explained was due to giving up fags. He says it will be a wide open event and would be happy to see anyone win it except 98 runner up AJ Heaney who he labelled a 'c***'. HENRY FLIES IN FOR TALKS Tom Henry flew into Dublin to discuss funding for his travel arrangements for the event on March 28th. The committee and Henry agreed terms and both parties agreed it was a major success. WALSH IN 'DEGENERATE LOSER' SLUR A Western correspondant claimed it is unlikely that former media darling Jimmy Walsh will appear for the tournament, due to have 'degenerating into a loser.' McGETTRICK AWOL Last years semi-finalist Paul McGettrick has yet to be tracked down by organisers; can anyone help with his where-abouts? Feb 16 T.HENRY IN YIPS HOAX CLAIM A Darts committee member spoke to Doctor Rafrash Al-Jalahmana, the Ealing based medical practitioner who has treated Tom Henry for a number of illnesses over the past six months and Al-Jalahmana claims that Henry never complained of suffering from Dartitus or the yips. Henry claimed that he lost his darts title in the first round last year due to suffering from acute Dartitus and had to wear a long sleeved jumper to keep warm from bouts of chills due to the yips. Al-Jalahmana said that Henry has visited him regularly for treatment for alcohol related illnesses and some strange rashes but never once complained of the yips. Tom Henry was unavailable for comment. MEYLER LOCATED A slim and trim Vince Meyler was located by James Henry on Friday night and confirmed his entry for the tournament. Hardman Meyler is a veteran of two tournaments and experts reckon his hardliving lifestyle could help him progress to the later rounds again this year. McGETTRICK HUNTED DOWN Last year's semifinalist Paul McGettrick confirmed his entry also on Friday night. McGettrick has laid low since last March but experts reckon his lack of weight will tell against him again this year. LYNCH AND J.HENRY WAGE HOLY WAR Perennial underachiever James Henry and larger than life Cavan man Colm Lynch have undergone a holy war in the buildup to the darts tournament. Lynch is seen by most as a rank outsider for the tournament but after suffering a series of acts of vandalism on his car he has declared war on Henry who he alleges perpetrated the attacks. Henry, who spectacularly flops in the second round every time has hit back with claims that he was almost killed after an attempted hit and run attack by Lynch across the road from Joe Giovanni's fast food restaurant on Woodbine Road. This feud looks sure to continue and a potentially explosive encounter is in prospect should the the fate of the draw cross the two men's path on March 28th. MAD AL SLAMS CAT Last years runner-up Mad Al Heaney hit back at the reigning King of Darts Johnny 'The Cat' Heaney for his remarks last week. The Cat stated two weeks ago that he did not regard himself as a favourite but said he would be happy to see anyone win except for Al Heaney. Mad Al hit back with a menacing statement last Wednesday night clearly outlining his intentions - 'F*** the Cat - I'll sort him.' Al is regarded by many as the classiest player on the circuit at present with his stylish darts play however he has twice lost to the eventual champion and has been branded by some as a choker. The Cat's displays last year when his tactic of sheer power darts was simply unmatchable are still spoken of in awe. A mouthwatering match would be in prospect should the two men meet. TROUBLE FOLLOWS BAD NEWS Barney 'Bad News' Johnson has announced his arrival on the circuit with a chilling warning for all comers. The man who it is said of that 'Trouble follows him like a bad smell' issued a short statement to press last Saturday night confirming his entry and stating he has not come to make up the numbers but to win. Analysts believe Johnson has pursued the sort of steely no-nonsense lifestyle that previous winners have clearly used and is touted as a good 'dark-horse' type bet. MIXED REACTION TO RULE CHANGE After a committee meeting last Wednesday night, it was decided to amend the controversial rule six which prevents compeditors who have consumed a small amount of alcohol from winning the tournament. In previous years, the minimum limit was four units in 1997. This was raised to six after Richard Oakley stopped drinking after his four units and shamelessly ran the gauntlet of hate before coming dangerously close to winning the event. This year the minimum has been raised to 10. This decision has been critisised by some players who feel this is a disadvantage to 'skill' players. One player who would prefer to remain anonymous said 'Itt iss verry difficelt tu pleh well widd diss tepp uv drink. Diss will givv shite plerrs a gudd chence.' However the decision has been welcomed by most players and the Committee stated that the majority of players and fans 'prefer to see a good honest lad win rather than some fancy limpwristed poofter type'. |