30th September, 1999

Firstly readers I’ll start on one of my favourite subjects, litter. A few months ago I was elated to hear that Douglas Village was to be swept every Sunday, then I was informed that it was to be cleaned every second Sunday. Now I’ve been told that its not to be cleaned anymore on Sunday. Does anybody know why? Does anybody care? Councillors, take a drive through Carrigaline on Sunday morning. It’s spotless. I think it is time to take my camera through the streets of Douglas on Sunday morning, perhaps shock-tactics might work, don’t hold your breath.
To the reader from Passage West who rang us a few weeks ago concerning the absence of a water tap at Passage West graveyard, we rang the council and the good news is that your graveyard is soon to have a tap. Another reader wants the same at Ballinhassig graveyard and we again rang the council concerning the tap and litter at the entrance to the graveyard. A spokesman told us the local engineer would visit the area and ‘phone us back’, we’re still waiting.
To the reader who asked me about the provision of a light at the laneway next to Grange Launderette, at the rear of the Pinecroft. Local councillor Peter Kelly, who always reads the Douglas Weekly, e-mailed us the next day regarding the light. It seems some residents want a light in the laneway while other what the laneway closed off. The council’s engineer will be meeting the residents shortly to discuss the situation.
Readers, I’m becoming confused. How many tribunals are taking place in the land of saints and scholars? They seem to be growing by the week. One thing for sure, if there is reincarnation, I want to come back as a senior council. That reminds me of a joke ... Years ago Woody Allen was asked if there was reincarnation what would he like to come back ask? Woody’s replay was, “Warren Beatty’s fingertips!!” (think about it).
Speaking of tribunals, what about Dublin County manager George Redmond? His staff told us old George was very frugal, brought his sandwiches to work everyday, but on Friday, splashed out and bought a bag of chips. My question to George is, now that you’re retired, would you consider becoming an investment broker, because any man who can turn 25,000 into 600,000 in a year would definately get my money. Now, where did I hide my Ansbacker number?
A reader rang us today to tell us that some company digging up Douglas again were parking their J.C.B.’s, tractors, etc... outside Douglas Lions House. I drove down, and sure enough, there were two machines parked there, one parked outside the windows of the residents had its engine on, emiting diesel fumes next to the residents windows. To people who operate these machines, please don’t park them outside these resident windows, they are elderly people who are entitled to their privacy and space. There’s plenty of room over, next to the stream.
Local business man Dan O’Mahony called to the weekly yesterday to tell us that together with the County Council, they are to provide us with a walk in the not to distant future. The walk will begin in Galway’s Lane (West Douglas) continuing on to the lower end of Vernmount House. Finally meeting up with the existing walk from Frankfield Road. A walk of approx. 1.5 miles. Dan also complimented Executive County Engineer Phelim O’Neill on his design of the Frankfield walk. More about this walk, and Dan has promised us a map of the walk, in the near future.
As I’m writing this the six o’clock news tells me that Bertie says NO to the nurses, the medical consultants got an increase of 13,000 and not a sign of a placard, or a walkout, but then readers, Consultants don’t walk, they’re always in a state of elevation.
Readers, I come up with a cunning plan, devious and brilliant. I going to put all my money in a foreign bank, so I won’t be caught for tax. Then I’ll smuggle it back in to Ireland and hide it in an Irish bank. Next move, I’ll take out a massive loan from the bank (it won’t really be a loan, because the bank it only giving me my own money) and I will then claim tax-relief on the interest I’m paying on the loan. I know it seems crazy, do you think it will work?
Also on the news tonight Tony O’Reilly is to sue the Irish Times for allegding that the bean baron is one of the 120 depositors. It was just as well the Irish Independent didn’t print that or Tony would end up taking himself to court. I wonder if you sued yourself could you make a few bob? Tony, do you sometimes wish you were back in the 60’s in Ashton Flats, Blackrock Road, and driving your red M.G. to work in Suttons on the South Mall? Holy God, why wasn’t I born a barrister?

Bye for now,
Michael O’Hanlon.

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