Bits and Pieces

Puffy Birthday Bears

I never went any further with the scary big puffy teddy bears on the front of birthday cards! Don't they scare the shit out of you?? Really. Giant bears who are so morbidly obese that the only way they can move around is with the aid of bunches of balloons to hold them up! When I think about it though, its not the actual bears that scare me, its just the way they seem to get bigger and bigger and bigger every year. They stay the same scale, they just seem to inflate more! And for what? They're already at the stage where their giant heads are so bloated and swollen that they're unable to open their own mouths, and probably have severe vision restriction from the huge flaps of fat that droop from their stupidly overweight and un-bearlike brows! And do they try to fight this blubberising metamorphosis? No! They sit around in patches of flowers and pass balloons between each other, balloons which have secret messages about attack plans on humankind, written in a secret code so it seems only to say 'I love you' or '7 today'. And come to think of it, just how DO they hold those flowers and balloons, when their only opposable digits are so thick and flabby as to be of no grasping use whatsoever!

Waynes World 2

Damn I love that film. A little bit too much than is considered normal. My therapist says I'll be ok though. At least he says he's my therapist. I mean, when I met him he was scrounging in the gutter outside bar bazaar at half 2 in the morning eating the scraps out of an old Chinese takeaway box, but he seemed pretty qualified. Problem is he calls me Billy all the time, and because he lives on the street he has to get me to lie down on the footpath instead of a couch, and that gets awkward during the day time - especially if he's high on pigeon dung again. That happens a lot since his invisible fire engine got stolen by a bunch of blue dwarves (they're the worst kind you know)

So - to change the subject......umm...........aaahhhh...........have you seen that film with the guy who has to overcome some sort of crisis? Its a classic. I think it was called "Template for any movie", Or "The bus that couldn't slow down". No wait that was something else. ahh well.

Theory Of Alternate Realities

Ok - now if you've ever watched star trek or any of those sci-fi shows, you may have come across the theory of parallel universes - alternate realities. The idea of these is another entire universe where events might be slightly different, meaning that say... oh I dunno - you could go to a reality where.. Paul Verhoeven makes good films! Wouldn't that be weird? Its sounds crazy but it could happen. In another universe.

Now in these shows and movies, they talk about one or two alternate realities, or maybe a hundred or something, but I believe there are a lot more than this. There's a theoretical physicist who's crunched some numbers on this and said that if one parallel universe were to exist, then simply by the laws of probability and logic, more than one would exist. Well - I believe that an infinite number exist, encompassing all possibilities in the universe. (well technically not an infinite number, but an unfathomably large number - I don't really believe in infinity in such circumstances, but that's a whole other matter)

So anyway - Billions upon billions of parallel universes exist inside a sort of 'omniverse' - each one differing from our own, ranging from almost identical to completely alien. A parallel universe would exist which differed only in the position of one grain of sand in the Sahara desert, or one where space is yellow, and there are no planets! Y'see? Anything's possible. Now, if you take all these possibilities into account - and remember we're talking about billions upon billions - there are universes where each one of us - everyone you know is slightly or wildly different from the versions we know. There are universes where space travel is a reality, and somehow, by some bizarre consequence of events, I have a planet named after me! Planet Rory!

Of course there are billions and billions of others where the planet is named after someone else, or where everyone has their own planet, or.. you get the idea. There's also billions of realities where Star Wars happened, is happening, and will happen! There are billions of realities for every possible plot you or I could come up with - any way in which we can imagine the universe we know to be different, exists somewhere (or somehow) else. Phew! So that's that theory then. It took a while to type - I hope you're happy.

Lousy Friday

Hey here's a thought - if they have good Friday why don't they have Lousy Friday? I think I mentioned that before. Its gonna be one of my planet Rory planetary holidays. I'm not sure what it'd be like though. I suppose it be something like your not allowed eat sugar or something. Who knows? I've been thinking up a few other ones too. UNholy Thursday, a celebration of all things demonic. I'd stick with ash Wednesday, but instead of putting ash on your forehead, the radio stations just play ash all day long! Shrove Tuesday becomes Shove Tuesday - a day for going around and shoving people into things. There's also Manic Monday and eggster Sunday (egg throwing day) and Saturday the 14th - a really lucky day.

Desert Island

At least then I'll have a set time I know specific people will be in a place. I mean, our lecturers are as boring as hell, and I don't listen much, but I need human company. I always thought I'd be one of those people who could easily endure solitary confinement, or isolation - but I'm starting to have my doubts. I mean, I'm not saying its anything like that, but every now and then, I get the slightest inkling of loneliness, and I realise I probably wouldn't be able to take it at all! I've always loved to think I would - like I was one of those Robinson Crusoe type desert island people who could live in isolation for years, happy with just some bananas and a pencil. (ooh - that sounded kinda sinister) Y'know, sitting there under a palm tree on a beach, scribbling away on a book until I finally realise the meaning of life and the secret of the universe et al, only to be interrupted in mid sentence by some beautiful woman, the sole survivor of a shipwreck just on the edge of my island, distracting my thoughts for just an instant, and forcing me to choose between knowing the secrets of the universe, and being unable to share them with a soul, or bowing to my own deep loneliness and the hunger for human companionship and striking up a conversation with someone other than the voices I had imagined to keep me company for the last 5 years. Am I rambling? Actually, that's always been a pet film plot of mine - that 'stranded man struggles between infinite understanding and the need for human company, ironically not realising that to forsake human company for infinite understanding is the one thing that would prevent him from becoming truly enlightened'. Don't I always tend to go for the clichés?

Beaches

Normally I'm not one to go on at length about the weather since its just small talk, and small talk only applies to people you don't know, or feel very awkward around. But in THIS case, the weather is sort of national news! Down here its just taken a turn for the cloudy, so I guess I won't be lying out in it for the rest of the day. Hope fully it'll be back over the weekend, or possibly by tomorrow. Too bad there aren't any beaches here. Stupid landlocked county... Are you a beach person or not? I mean, its ok if your not, I can understand that. I know a lot of people who don't like beaches at all, especially not the swimming part - but me... I'm like a fish out of water. You know, I sort of flap around a lot on the ground as I slowly run out of air... something wrong there! NO I'm not like a fish OUT of water, however I am quite like a fish when I'm IN the water. Just a little confusion of metaphors there. I tend to stay in the sea for hours on end, regardless of temperature, tide, or precipitation. I'm always the last one out, because everyone else gives up so easily. The only reason I do come out in the end is usually because its time to go, or because after 2 hours the gentle bobbing of the current no longer distracts me enough from the fact that I feel a bit lonely out in the ocean on my own. I guess it really stems from a very happy summer holiday I once spent with my cousins in the Aran Islands. Living on an island, swimming was kind of the days activity, and we used to go 2 or 3 times a day. My cousin lives right across the road from the sea anyway. You literally just open the door, run out the gate going "aaaghahgahghh!!!" and hoping there aren't any cars coming (which there rarely are since they have so few cars out there) jump over a wall, sprint about ten feet and "splish splash splosh" in ya go! What we also used to do (even more fun) was walk about 2 minutes up the road to where there's this old pier that juts out a bit, and we'd just jump off. It took me a good while to work up the courage to jump like that, considering I'm afraid of heights, but I managed in the end, and I can't remember ever having as much fun. So I guess when I'm in the water it kind of reminds me of having a very good time. Plus I like the feel of the water. And the sand. Sometimes. There's a brilliant line in a song that I love ('semi-charmed life' by Third Eye Blind) that goes something like

"I believe in the sand beneath my toes the beach gives a feeling an earthy feeling I believe in the faith that grows and the four right chords can make me cry when I'm with you I feel like I could die and that would be all right"

Ok so the last two lines aren't entirely relevant here, but I love em too much to leave them out, and besides its sort of an ensemble piece. The lines work together.