We proudly present the Flyers guide to softball tournaments:

In order to have a good tourney we would recommend following these basic steps to having an enjoyable time (Though we do not guarantee a winning position!)

Ingredients required:

1: At least 1 non drinking , non playing enthusiastic supporter (Wives or Husbands will do in a pinch).
2: Champagne.
3: Alcoholic beverages of the individuals choice (Or a relative working in a brewery , distillery , public house or other source of liquid refreshment.).
4: Jelly shots to the right ratio as follows: Vodka jelly mix 1 bottle of Vodka + 1/2 bottle of water to 1 3/4 jelly. Peach schnapps and or Malibu at the ratio of 1 bottle to 1 jelly. (If offering opponents a taste of Vodka jelly ratio is the same without the water).
5: A solid cooler box (doubles as a seat). Cooler box ratio should be 1 box per 4 drinkers or if Mick Jacobs is playing for you then the ratio is 1:1.
6: A solid disregard for starting and finishing times.
7: 1 early riser.

Instructions for use:

At least 2 days in advance nominate your early riser so they can register your team without the rest of you actually having to be there.

Upon arrival (Preferably in staggered groups as late as possible) congregate around the cars and nod hello to the teams already there and warming up. Slag them off once they are out of ear-shot. Drift casually late over to your first game and open the Champagne. Drink as much as you can of the champagne 'cause there is only 1 bottle.

Eat some jelly for breakfast and offer some loaded jelly to your opponents. Be enthusiastic about the tournament until it becomes blatantly obvious that you are going to loose your first game. At this stage kick whoever is sitting on your designated cooler box and open a tin of whatever luke-warm can you get into your hand. Drink this back and assess your further requirements for the day.

At this stage your Non-drinking , driving supporter should be outside the first open Off-license they have found. They should ring you and ask what drink or cigarettes you need. (This step should ideally be repeated 2-3 times during the day).

At this stage you should have reached the stage of ingredient 6 and be well on your way to having a great tournament.

For examples of the amount of fun this approach can bring you, examine Adrian Forresters eyes at lunch time on any blitz (Under no circumstances should you look directly into his eyes on a Sunday morning!!!!).

At this stage we would like to draw your attention to the optional extras;

1: Enough blokes or girls to field a team
2: Your equipment (There is always plenty lying around though)
3: Someone to keep score and do the line-up (Your only non-drinker is usually in the car)
4: At least 1 softball (A black marker can quickly convert anyone else's you find into a team ball though)
5: A map on how to get to the tournament (Again unnecessary just look out for people in a car with caps on and follow them)
6: A change of clothing for the party (In case you are too blind drunk to get home and back again)
7: A balloon launcher (Now standard equipment for the messers in the league)
8: A football , american football , frisbee or kite to pose while playing with during lunch (Under no circumstances get a nerf american football that goes WWWHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 'cause those dedicated softballers among you will have already got headaches from the night before the blitz)
9: Plenty of extra alcohol

With all of these instructions followed enjoying a tournament should be as easy as a piss up at a Flyers game. We wish you the best of luck but after 10 years of following this plan we can tell you not to expect to win too often!

The Flyers