Jokes

Three Englishmen

Three Englishmen were sitting by the side of a river in America holding fishing poles with the lines in the water, when a Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says,
"Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." "We don't have any." replied the first Englishman.
"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second Englishman, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three Englishmen started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second Englishman said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelheads in this river?!"

Prevention Of Cruelty To Piranhas

A video dealer in England advertised a large discount on his systems to anyone who was brave (?) enough to snatch a coin from an aquarium filled with hungry piranha. The RSPCA got into the act and demanded the dealer be sure the customer's hands were cleaned so as to prevent food poisoning in any piranha that might bite a dirty hand.

The Secret to Ice Fishing

Mick and Paddy decide to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Mick has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite.
Paddy asks, "Mick, what's your secret?"
Mick answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."
Paddy asks, "What did you say?"
Mick answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."
Paddy again asks, "What?"
Mick spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!"

Two Kerrymen go Fishing

Two Kerrymen go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore. 1st Kerryman: I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish. 2nd Kerryman: Yes, I made an 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot. 1st Kerryman: You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?

Fishing License

A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin license, boy!" the warden gasped. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes sir," replied the young feller. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..."

One Liners

Why was the bluefish blue? Because the blowfish wouldn't.

Two birds were sitting on a perch. One said: "I smell fish".