Do you know what I love most about the Resident Evil movies? That fact that I can rant successfully about their hideousness. It's not hard to conjour feelings of sheer malevolence towards those involved and get people on your side, and, if you're cool like me, make it funny so that everyone can enjoy the odd rant. Plus, no one is going to defend the Resident Evil movies unless they want an elbow drop to the throat.

But then something like Madacasgar comes along, and you've no choice but to leave the cinema with a light whimper of "....meh..."

Which in my opinion is even worse! Let me tell you something: you're not living until you're laughing or crying. Since crying is for teens and rockstars, I laugh a helluva lot. However, in terms of emotional power, rage comes close to laughter, so it also acceptible to be angry. This is the future I demand: a world of angry people vs. laughing people, with no crying. The laughing people will win all the wars because their stomach muscles are super-hard.

Madacasgar breeds weakness in this new future. It's so middle-of-the road it doesn't know where it is. The one line that proves this point completely is that delivered by the monkey: "I hear Tom Wolfe's speaking at Lincoln Center. Well, of course we're going to throw poo at him!" I laughed at the first sentence, and then *BLAM* something for kids, in the form of poo. WTF!? This cancer spreads thoughout the whole script to create a freakishly shaped movie that has kids laughing with silly, over-the-top, "WAAAAH YOU'RE SO CRAZY" moments followed by very somber parts where a Lion has to deal with eating his friend. That's great! The kids get to laugh while the adults get to feel guilty for eating meat! And don't give me this "Something For Everyone" malarky, 'cause that's arse! Why don't we all wander through life as a pack of sexless bastards with identity crises providing "something for everyone"? NO! It's MAN vs. WOMAN in this arena of life, and Madacasgar is the Eunuch towel-boy who drinks from the spit-bucket!

Recommended or children only. They will laugh.