FAQ: How to Get Insanely Rich on the Internet
Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich?
A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month.
Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?
A: No. This is the Internet.
Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich?
A: Yes. This is the Internet.
Q: How do I proceed?
A: As you're surfing around the net you'll see banners and links that say things
like "Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See How!"
Simply click the link to get started.
Q: It won't really take ninety days though, will it?
A: Of course not. They just say that so you'll be pleasantly surprised and so
it doesn't sound like hype.
Q: Okay, I've found one that says "Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One
Month!" Is that good?
A: Perfect.
Q: What does MLM mean?
A: Nobody really knows. Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested by the
little-brains.
Q: I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it's the easiest
thing to sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it's MLM, by the time
my third level is operating I'll be making $345,915.45 per week.
A: Conservatively.
Q: They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is my
sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers?
A: Your sponsor is a shrewd business person. People with any sort of memory
disorder make the best targ... uh, clients. You can switch your mother's long
distance carrier for her, and then start calling the other members of her support
group.
Q: That sounds a little fishy.
A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people substantial savings on
long distance. It's for their own good.
Q: How else can I get new business?
A: Spam. Spam. Spam.
Q: I thought spam was bad.
A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it's bad is just jealous because their
brains are too small.
Q: But won't I lose my web host and ISP?
A: In the get-rich-quick business, it's important to cultivate a zen-like non-attachment
to service providers.
Q: What else can I do to promote my new business?
A: Here's a list of suggestions:
--Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors and
flashy banners.
--Join every free banner exchange.
--Get your own free-for-all links page.
--Join every opt-in email list with the word Money, Rich or Lackwit in the title.
--Buy software that submits your site URL to the 15,000 most important search
engines.
--Buy software that submits your ad to the 50,000 most-read free classified
sites.
--Buy software that submits your link to the 100,000 most popular free-for-all
link pages.
--Hire a bulk emailer.
--Sponsor a golf tournament.
Q: Okay, I've done all that and I'm still not rich. I haven't even driven
my hitcounter to its knees yet. What am I doing wrong?
A: It's possible that you're not very bright. Consult one of your friends who
has retired on their Internet earnings.
Q: What if I don't have any friends who have retired on their Internet earnings?
A: Then contact someone on the Internet who has retired on their Internet earnings.
Q: What if I've never heard of anyone retiring from their Internet earnings?
A: Well, then maybe you can be the first.