Unfortunately they landed near a small town on an early sunday morning. They got out od their spacecraft slowly and looked at all the wheat fields around them. Looking for someone to threaten, coerce or harass, they saw the buildings of the town in the distance and started walking...

Not having done any sort of target research before landing they approached a newspaper box next to the deserted street.

Quark assumed it was an earthling and walked up to it, pulling a gun out of his belt holster as he approached...

"Okay earthling, take us to your leader!" Quark said angrily. "If you don't I'll blow your ass away with my nasty ass ray gun!" He waved his gun in front of the poor newspaper box.

Of course, the newspaper box just sat there.

Quark shot it with the ray gun and that sunday's edition blew into more than a million specks of paper dust.

Mquark shook his head in disgust and then started walking down the street. Quark holstered his pistol and followed him.

They came upon a coke machine.

"This must be an earthling." Mquark said. "See, it's humming slightly." Quark just nodded.

Mquark pulled out his gun and walked up right in front of the machine. "Okay earthling, we're here to take over. So take us to your leader!"

The coke machine just sat there, it's power supply humming very quietly.

Mquark grew a little irate. "Look asshole!" He yelled at the coke machine. "Take us to your leader right goddamned now or I'm gonna blow your shit away with my nasty ass ray gun!" The coke machine just sat there. Mquark pulled the trigger and the coke machine disintegrated in a most satisfying explosion.

They decided to keep looking. Now almost to the edge of town Quark and Mquark see a gas station, not yet opened for business. Quark stops immediately, a look of suprise on his face. Mquark ignores him and walkes up to one of the gas pumps, pulling out his ray gun as he approaches.

"Okay, " Mquark starts out. "This may be your planet's last chance! Take me to your leader or I'm gonna get violent."

"Wait a minute." Quark calles out.

"Oh shut up!" Mquark shoots back at him. "Can't you see that threats are the only thing these earthlings are gonna understand?" He turns back to the gas pump.

"Okay now. If you don't take me to your leader right now I'm gonna blow your shit away with my nasty ass ray gun!"

The gas pump just sat there.

Mquark shot the gas pump - the resulting explosion was quite impressive. Mquark and Quark got blown through the air - almost all the way back to their spaceship.

Quark got up first, and started to brush the soot and wheat off his uniform, shaking his head slowly. Mquark stayed on the ground for a moment, shaking his head to clear it. Finally he looked up at Quark, "How, did you know to be wary of that dude?"

Quark thought a moment before answering. "Man, I make it a rule - never fuck with anybody that wraps his dick around his waist twice and then sticks it in his ear."