The Seven Dwarves : WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

The solution came from a simple clerk in the casting department. He changed the whole plot and introduced a set of out of work amateurs. Released as "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves", it was an immediate success. The rest is, as they say, is history.

But is it? What happened to those seven fellows? No-one knows. Until now.

Weeks of investigation has unearthed the truth. What happened to each of the stars since their unexpected fame & fortune. Well, the truth isn't always easy to accept. The sad decline of these unfortunate individuals may upset some of the younger readers.

D O C

His real name was Dr. Ernest Jones, a famous gynecologist with a high five figure salary. Being a dwarf was initially a novelty with his patients as his size allowed them to remain standing during examinations. He became intensely unhappy with his job when an incompetency case came to hearing. It was alleged that he left a surgical instrument inside one of his patients. This was undetected for three months until the woman's husband "injured himself" on said instrument. The couple sued for $140,000 but Dr. Jones got off claiming the instrument was planted.

It was then when he decide to take up part-time acting. Moving from cheap "short joke" commercials to "speechless barbarians pet" in low budget adventure movies was all Ernest was able to achieve. He thought the part in animated film was a lucky break. How wrong he was.

The deadline for filming played on Doc's mind more than any other member of the cast. He would walk off the set during a take, in a daze, mumbling about getting a new set of leg clamps for the operating room. It all came to a sad conclusion when on the last day of filming, during the final sequence where Snow White is lying unconscious waiting for the prince, Doc flipped out and proceeded to perform a complete gynecological check-up on Snow White. The story was covered up as not to harm the films sales image.

Things turned from bad to worse. His original profession wouldn't allow back into the fold as it were plus his acting days were over due to a strange nervous ailment which affected him whenever he was on a set. Doc toured America performing illegal abortions for high paying civilians. They were literally back-street operations usually taking place in darkened alleys. He was quite well-known on the circuit for his abortion "while-U-wait" techniques. He has since disappeared.

B A S H F U L

His obsessive nature with the characters he portrayed caused him severe psychological problems. He would have incredible bouts of violence and strike out at all around. The resulting consequences of his actions proved invaluable as research material in some of his greatest film roles. Such classics as "Oh Shit, here comes the Cops", "I'm locked up and there is a strange man stroking my bottom" and "I think I'm beginning to enjoy this". Therapy did nothing for poor Robby until it was suggested he try a character with a less sadistic nature. The role of Bashful seemed to be ideal for Robby's needs. He played it wonderfully.

After several weeks of filming, the accounting department reported that some staff were not collecting their pay checks at the end of the week. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that around a fifth of the staff working on the film had disappeared. The Cops were called in and Robby was taken away on charges of murder for 28 people.

This was a near death experience for the jinxed film. The judges refused bail so all the scenes with Bashful in them had to be filmed in a heavily disguised prison cell. If you look closely at the last few scenes of the film you can just make out the how the primitive special effects staff masked out the chains. Robby was given the death sentence three days before the opening of the film so he never knew how well it did. In his last moments, on the electric chair, Robby began quoting lines from Macbeth only to forget the dialogue half way through a speech. He died failing his last major role.

S L E E P Y 

Paul Mayfield used to have a lovely job as a high-court judge. He enjoyed his job as it allowed him to partake in his favorite pastime - sleeping. He followed a VERY rigorous routine before he fell asleep. Upon beginning a court case, he would quickly flash through a short brief condensed for him by the gorgeous Ms. Slovich (a shapely 4ft. 3in.). Once "well acquainted" for with the case, he would rest his head in his hands making sure he covered his eyes and then fall asleep.

Ms. Slovich would hide behind the bench taking notes on everything said in the court room. When the final statements had been taken and the jury had come back with a verdict she would wake Judge Mayfield by grabbing his testicles violently. This would have the result of waking him thoroughly and putting a stern expression on his face.

The jury would give their conclusion while Mayfield speed read the notes Ms. Slovich had jotted. Punishment was given in accordance with the notes. Judge Mayfield believed that the only way to pass a fair judgement was to be totally oblivious to the characteristic blathering of the lawyers present.

As Ms. Slovich was responsible for the context in which the notes were written, cases involving the Slovich family were usually given extremely light punishment. Passages such as:

1ST. LAWYER: He's completely innocent, everyone knows he was miles from the bank when the $500,000 was stolen! -2ND LAWYER: I agree with the opposition, even though I am trying to convict the angelic Bernie Slovich. -BANK MANAGER: Come to think of it, I don't think it was good ol' Bernie either.

The trouble began when Judge Mayfield started to show signs of a sleeping disorder. Diagnosed a Poly-European Somnambulism, it began to manifest itself in the middle of court cases. A variant of sleep-activity, Paul would seemingly wake with a jolt and carry on the case in a multitude of foreign languages. When everyone in court was completely confused, he'd fall into a deep sleep, exhausted.

Paul was out of his job within a month. As they couldn't dismiss him for his inert difficulties, they signed for reasons concerning mistrials. Funnily enough, for all the mistrials they created, not once did the hit an actual mistrial concerning the Slovich clan. Mayfield took up acting. He decided with all the takes and re-takes, there would be plenty of time to slip in forty winks.

It took the staff on the set a couple of days to realize Paul's hidden potential for translation. With thirty or so tranquillizers inside him, he could translate a whole days shooting into 12 different languages without knowing about it. Disney saved thousands of dollars on translations.

After the film came out, Paul discovered what they had done and sued for loss of income. He would be representing himself in the case and asking for fully payment with a small compensation. The actual total came to a whacking $130,201. Paul decided to get a good nights sleep before the trial, a week to be precise. On the day of the trial Paul was found in his hotel room in a deep coma. He has not yet recovered.

S N E E Z Y 

No one had every heard of Alex Lymar until around five years before filming. Trying to track down his birth-date or hometown proved futile. He remained quite a mystery throughout the investigation, a mystery man. Until we realized that is what we were doing wrong. Assuming that Alex was originally a mystery man. In fact, after following up the last lead we discovered his real name was Alice Lymar, a ugly, short cow-girl from the state of Texas.

Alice began life very well, coming from a rich ranching family. The need to rebel and turn against the values taught by her parents forced her to run away to New York and become an under-age prostitute. But the cards were stacked against on this count. Not only was she short but she was also incredibly ugly and so could only attract a special kind of pervert.

The major turning point in her life wasn't until Alice spotted a ad in a personal column. It read "Not a Lady. Call 555-3443. Surgical solution!". Believing this to be a face lift operation of some kind, she applied. It was only after the painful operation and three months in bandages that she realized her terrible mistake. She thought the "Not a Lady" term was a question and not a suggestion. Yup, She was now a He.

The only real thing Alice/Alex regretted about the move (as now he looked decidedly better) was that the surgeon never bolted on a few extra feet in height. Returning to the toy boy situation proved too much for Alex as he still had a distinct loathing for sleeping with rich, elderly sex starved women.

It was an old film actress that put Alex onto the Disney casting. Avoiding mentioning the operation, Alex completed an audition and got the part. As Sneezy, Alex was required to fake sneezes ninety or so times a day. Around three weeks into filming Alex began to notice his nose slipping down his face. For the rest of the film Sneezy can be seen rubbing his nose, trying to prop it up or flicking back his head.

On the last day of filming, Sneezy was found in bed with the Prince. He claimed he still couldn't get used to sleeping with women, men was area he had already covered. Familiar ground as it were. The Prince said he loved Sneezy, she felt like putty in his hands (which, with the state of the declining sex change wasn't far from the truth.).

Sneezy is still in intensive care, strapped into a bed - a puddle of slipping skin giving off the odd nasal explosion.

H A P P Y 

Lou Gushman was a sad individual. Something intrinsic in him caused him always to look on the bright side of life. Even something as tragic as a multiple car pile-up killing 20 would always have some sort of silver lining seeping out along with the pool of blood. "Well, at least there will be less traffic congestion to worry about, Just think of the insurance claims the relatives will be able to make" or "I'm sure their last moments was the most exciting in their lives".

Lou made friends very easily and trusted everyone. This made him very easy prey for the more corrupt of society outcasts. Thieves would rip him off for all the money he had then find themselves coming back a couple of days later to return it. Stealing money from the stupid played heavily on the conscience. Stealing from the stupid and having them thank you feels like a ticket straight to hell.

He moved from job to job without any real commitment ("something will always come along"). He enjoyed his work, not understanding why he got fired each time when he was so friendly. Jobs such as Telephone Operator, Bank Desk Clerk and Clown. The clown job lasted longer than any of the others but even that had to stop, complaints that the children were getting nauseous from his attitude.

He only managed to get the job as Happy when a passer by, who he had asked for the time, became violent and threw him through the door of the casting agency. The people inside thought he had come in character and gave him the part on the spot.

Filming went well for several weeks but Lou's happy attitude wore thin on peoples nerves. To start with people would avoid him. They then began to ignore him. He thought they simply didn't want to distract him from his role. Then, after three months, people would simply react violently. This is believed to be the main reason why happy hardly ever appears later in the film. Lou spent a lot of time in hospital recovering for broken bones and wounds.

The filming ended just as people began bringing firearms into work with them. While picking up his final pay-check, he narrowly avoided a shotgun round to the head.

Mr. Gushman followed a short career in acting though illness and accidents dogged his every move. He then changed to advertising consultant for children's confectionery. He made thousands convincing kids that they should by a product that rots teeth, make you obeys and causes acne. His master stroke was the patenting of the term "Have a Nice Day!". He was killed in 1983. Four thousand individuals happily confessed to the crime.

G R U M P Y 

Clive Tonly was basically the precise opposite of Lou. His attitude towards life was suicidal in the extreme. The slightest little upset such as it raining in the morning would have Clive running for the extra-sharp razor blades. The only problem with this outlook is you have to be quite adept at suicide in the first place. Clive's inability to kill himself only helped to depress him even more.

He had managed to destroy his home in around five attempts. Attaching a rope to the rafters in the attic only served in pulling down the roof. The floorboards in the bathroom couldn't stand his weight and a bath full of water when he tried drowning himself. He blew up the engine of his wrecked car trying to choke himself. He decided that with all the hair lodged in his razor, slitting his wrists was just a too unhygienic way to die. All in all, dying wasn't one of Clive's strongest points.

After hearing that a 60% of people working in the film industry suffered near fatal accidents, Clive went for a casting. To get into character for the part of Grumpy, the director told Clive to think of nice positive things to tone down his terminal outlook.

Clive was kept far away from the other members of the cast in a hotel on the other side of town. They found that if they left the crew alone with him too long, people would get depressed and tended to shoot themselves. Even chatting to the cameramen would cause them to leave in search of the closest tall building.

His hopes for an accident on set also result in death, of the crew rather than him. It happened one day when they were shooting one of the cliff top shots. The 'cliffs' in question had all been inspected for safety but Clive decided that this accident wasn't going to happen by itself. After ten minutes work with a screwdriver he was quite happy (or at least sufficiently less depressed) that the scenery would collapse before the actors took their places. Positioning himself at the bottom of the cliff, he waited for the whole plaster/soft-wood construction to fall. He didn't realize at the time that this was one of his scenes. The director came to send him on his way. After a few minutes, the Director, seeing what a beautiful shot this would make from directly below the cliffs called for all the cameras and lighting to be moved. He was one of the first casualties, along with four of the camera crew, a dog, three lighting engineers and a boy who had come to deliver doughnuts.

After the film Clive left the industry in search of a more dangerous job. No records of him have been found since then. The closest we could get was mention of a Private Clive "lucky" Tonly who tested experimental short range weapons for the US Army in Texas.

D O P E Y 

Raz Poulby was a drug addict. He used to lose vast areas of his life through hallucinogenically aided blackouts. It was said that one day Raz was riding his push bike through a rough area of town, aged 12. The next thing he knew, he was shacked up with some out of work showgirl called Binky, aged 23. His outlook was that life was much easier to get through when lived in one week every year chunks. What Raz did during these yearly blackouts was a complete mystery to Raz although he suspected his low-life friends took advantage of him. It was finding pictures of himself naked with a goat in the special edition of "Sex Puppet" that convinced him. He'd had always wanted to do something about his problem but usually on the way to a drug rehabilitation clinic he would run into a few of he doped out friends with the same idea. After a few minutes reminiscing about the good old days (or hat they could remember about them) they'd decided to blow the joint, in preference for one of Raz's famous cocktail joint's.

Raz would put anything he could get his hands on into one. Every time one of his black-out wore off there would be a news drug on the market for him to experience. They usually were the main ingredients in the roll.

If was after one of these mind-enhancing home-mades that Raz got the part of Dopey in Snow White. The exact details how aren't clear and why also is anybodies guess. All in all, Raz did a good job even though he wasn't aware of it.

He floated through the days like a tortoise with a frontal lobotomy. People didn't notice he was on a 8 month high at all. I mean, sure, he'd hold conversations with cats, play an imaginary oboe and even spend weeks walking around on his hands but hell, actors are generally considered to be eccentric.

Filming was finally over and Raz wandered off. Three weeks later he finally made it to the Drug rehab' clinic and came through his addiction. In a cinema a few days later he saw where the last eight months of his life had gone. That is where he'd had his head shaved. It all came back to him. The people had Disney had stopped paying him after the second week of filming as he didn't seem too interested, anyway when they did convince him to accept a cheque, he would only eat it. Raz was pissed off, skint too so he filed a lawsuit for unpaid labor while under the influence of a variety of illegal contraband. He won and received a welcome $380,000.

Raz had a relapse and spent most of his money putting together a stockpile of drugs. He is currently having a 14 year flashback.

And That is the whole seedy story. Fame had corrupted seven perfectly ordinary under-tall people and turned them into sad shells of their previous lives. Disney turned his back on them, people soon forgot about them.