It has come to the attention of management that employees have been
  found  dying  on the job  and are either  refusing or neglecting to
  fall  down.  This practice  must  cease  forthwith,  and  any  dead
  employee found  in an  upright position  will be  removed  from the
  salary register immediately.

  If in future a departmental head  notices that an employee  has not
  moved for an hour he will  immediately investigate the cause as for
  some employees  it is difficult to  distinguish  between  death and
  natural movement. A careful investigation should be made by holding
  a  salary  cheque  in  front  of  the  suspect  corpse  as  this is
  considered to be a very reliable test.

  There have been, however, cases where natural instinct  has been so
  strong that the hand of the corpse has made spasmodic clutches even
  after rigor mortis has set in.

  The most successful test is to whisper "sick leave".  This has been
  known to  revive  a body that has been  dead  for more than a week.
  This test should, however, not be applied  to departmental heads of
  whom movement of any kind is rarely suspected.