Music
Kinky Friedman
The Kinkster meeting the Prez
Sunday 28-11-99 I saw Kinky Friedman at the Metro in Coburg Street. After seeing him play in Kilkenny last year, this was a less polished performance. The crowd was smaller, the venue darker but the Kinkster had his old compadre "Little Jewford" along so all went well.
Known for his country songs, written during his time as singer with "Kinky Fridman and the Texas Jewboys" , he's now better known perhaps for his series of crime novels. The star of the books is a Texan Jew living in New York called Kinky Friedman. Sound Familiar? The gig consisted of him singing his songs, accompanied by Little Jewford with examples of his off-beat humour in between. e.g. when lighting up a Cuban cigar he said "Remember, we're not supporting the Cuban economy, merely burning their fields."
At the end of the night I got to say hello to Kinky and even received a gift of one of his "Lucky Plectrums". Read below how these miraclous "picks" have changed peoples lives for the better. After that, check out his own website www.kinkyfriedman.com/index.htm .
"The Kinky Friedman Lucky Plectrum "
A person who attended one of Kinky's book signings inquired recently about the rumor of the Kinky Friedman Lucky Plectrum. Having heard many of the stories ourselves, we wanted to check it out... with you-know-who. He told us this story...
An ancient Greek used a plektron, a thin piece of bone, wood, or metal to pluck a lute. The Romans changed the word to plectrum and used them for a variety of stringed instruments. The English changed the pronunciation to plecktrum, but kept the Latin spelling. Americans kept the spelling and pronunciation but had the good judgment, when everyone moved to Nashville to become guitar pickers, to start making the plectrums out of plastic. Americans also did not want to take the time to use a word with two syllables, so they started calling them "picks." However, following the classic tradition that so marks all the Kinkster's work, he continues to use the word "plectrum." In addition, it is useful in our compilation of data for submission to the Church to have the Kinky Plectrum declared a holy object.
The story began in the distant past, during the 1970s, when Kinky and the Texas Jewboys were touring. Kinky gave plectrums to friends. Soon there were strange reports that the recipients of these plectrums had been blessed with special good fortune. Of course, at first, the incidents were considered coincidental, but it became evident that there was a pattern...
- Dave Dorant, a cattle rancher in Texas, reported his constant toothache had suddenly disappeared despite his dentist's assertion that one of the six teeth the cowhand had left was only a shell.
- Rose Maggard, a waitress in Yuma, Arizona, reported she simply could not sleep because of her husband's snoring. Two nights after receiving her Lucky Plectrum Rose said she felt like she "could sleep with any man." (Apologies to Senator Dudley J. LeBlanc.)
- Lucille Lipscomb, the desk clerk of a hotel near San Bernardino, California, said that after getting a plectrum from Kinky, she had not suffered from one single migraine after months of daily bouts during which her husband, Willard, would have to soothe her head with a cold damp cloth. The ache and pain of her psoriasis also disappeared.
- Joe Cliburn, of Wiggins, Mississippi, was offered fourth-row seats to a sold-out Bob Dylan concert in Birmingham, Alabama. Joe tells the story of his weekend in a letter: "This turned out to be a special weekend. Those who know me well know that it almost didn't happen when I got row 4 seats at a sold-out Bob Dylan concert. In addition, my daughter placed 4th all-around at her gymnastics competition on Sunday, even after being bumped into a higher age group. Can it get any better than this? Well, my alma mater rallied in the 4th quarter to win it's 7th straight football game. Just before we got home from Birmingham, my wife showed me a guitar pick a special friend had mailed to her. She held it up and, said, "here's the guitar pick Kinky Friedman used when he wrote Waitret, Please, Waitret, her favorite Kinky song. "The pick arrived," she said, "just before we left for Birmingham to take a chance on getting standing-room tickets to the Dylan concert."
- Jimmy Joebob Walker, who lives in Demoytolis, Alabama, reported Kinky had given him a plectrum and soon a tear in his Klan robe repaired itself.
- Mustafa Lincoln Waitika Johnson, also from Demotrolis, wrote for a plectrum about a month after reading in the local paper of Jimmy Joebob's experience. On the day Musty got the Lucky Plectrum, Jimmy Joebob's Klan robe mysteriously disappeared entirely and he joined the NAACP. Jimmy Joebob reported also a dramatic decline in his cholesterol count and is now eating all the pork barbecue he wants. He writes that, "Only thing is, now nobody will eat with me excepting Musty. Of course, is a'body lives in a place in Demotrolis, that don't matter."
- Willodene Waters, Jimmy Joebob's cousin from Poplar Bluff, Missouri, heard what had happened. She wrote Kinky asking for a plectrum, hoping it would help her solve the greatest problem she had faced in all her 31 years. Just one day after getting the Kinky plectrum in return mail, Willodene had her first date.
- Ian O'Shaunessy, County Cork, Ireland, wrote that a day and a half after Kinky gave him a plectrum, he made friends with a Protestant.
- Elva Hansen, from Provo, Utah, reported the elders in her Mormon Temple did not say one word after having heard of her wearing open-toed shoes to the grocery store.
After a committee of the Princes of The Church obtained documentation and determined the validity of these experiences, they were forced by logic to admit that the chain of incidents could not have been coincidental and that, indeed. The Kinky Friedman Lucky Plectrum possessed special powers. It was then that the Special International Investigatory Council was established with the authority to prepare a formal journal of events associated with the Lucky Plectrum for consideration by the Council for the Attribution of Special Powers.