Midnight in the Theatre of Blood

A little snippet from the newest play



SEAN
Tess...

TESS
Hi. You wanted me, after the loo. God that sounds so wrong.

SEAN
I wanted to ask you...

TESS
Yes?

SEAN
Just..

He pauses, kicks around the hall.

TESS
I'm getting old here.

SEAN
No, feck it. I can't.

TESS
You have to. I'm hanging now.

SEAN
It's just that... God, it's like cutting open the metaphorical feather pillow out of a first floor window.

TESS
You're doing it again.

SEAN
What.

TESS
'Mr. Obtuse.'

SEAN
Sorry. What I mean is; If you throw all of the feathers out of the window, you can try and try but you'll never get them all back in the pillow . The garden will never be the same again.

TESS
You're afraid of opening Pandora's Box.

SEAN
Exactly. God you're...

TESS
Stop! If you say I'm clever it will imply you didn't think I was clever before and Pandora's Box will be well and truly open.

SEAN
Right, good...

TESS
Well?

SEAN
Yes...

He kicks around a bit more, struggling.

TESS
Ever hear of Morrissey?

SEAN
Who?

TESS
Morrissey...

SEAN
Weird kind of guy. Branch in his back pocket or something...  'Meat is Murder'!

TESS
That's him. He had a song when he was with 'The Smiths'...

SEAN
And?

TESS
It fairly aptly addressed our situation here, I think. It went...

TESS speaks the next lines kindly.

TESS
"Shyness is nice but... shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to..."

She starts to sing, softly and quite sweetly.

TESS
"So if there's something you'd like to try, something you'd like to try, ask me I won't say 'no' how could I...?

SEAN
I...

TESS launches into a manic little version of 'Ask Me' dancing and all.

TESS
So... ask me, ask me, ask me...

SEAN
I...

TESS
...ask me, ask me, ask me...

SEAN
I love you.

TESS  stops dancing abruptly.

TESS
Sean...

SEAN
Shit, shit shit shit. I did it.

TESS
You did what?

SEAN
I cut the pillow, I opened the box. The feathers are everywhere.

TESS
Poor Mr Obtuse. Listen the feathers might be out but... they don't look so bad.

SEAN
Don't they?

TESS
No. They look... kinda nice... decorative... like snow... all around the garden.

SEAN
Yeah? So...?

TESS
Maybe though, just for a while, we could pretend they're not actually 'feathers'. Maybe they could be just a sort of 'synthetic foam stuffing' - or something - until we see how we... get on... And then we could worry about them turning into actual feathers... at some... unspecified... later date.

SEAN
That sounds good to me.

TESS
Does it?

SEAN
Yeah.

TESS
That's good (laughs) 'cos I don't have a bloody clue what I just said.

SEAN
It's okay, I do, it was just a bit obtuse, that's all.


(c) Ken Armstrong 2007

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