Show and Tell

This 30 minute radio play was written as part of a workshop in The Linenhall Arts Centre in Castlebar wherein a bunch of young people (a pride?  a gaggle?)  conspired with me to write a play.

We then went on to record, post produce and broadcast it!

It was tremendous fun and I am still very proud of the end result which, I believed, pushed the radio medium in the wildly imaginative way it needs to be pushed... all credit for that to the young writers and their unbridled (and strangely violent) imaginings.

The set up was simple - the new teacher asked that everyone bring something to class for Show and Tell, the class are unanimously bored at the prospect but one of them has just come up with a rather cool new invention which might just spice things up a bit....

Here is an extract from the script:



EXT - THE PLAYGROUND

A static squeal interrupts the proceedings.

CANDI
Nucleus what is that thing anyway?

JAMES NUCLEUS
It's a transducifier.

RAVEN
You said it was just an egg box.

JAMES NUCLEUS
I lied.

RAVEN
James Nucleus lied?

JAMES NUCLEUS
Shoot me, oh Bride of Dracula.

A slap.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Ow!

RAVEN
Less sarcasm.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Sorry.

CANDI
A transducifier. What does it do?

JAMES NUCLEUS
Obviously, it transducifies.

Another slap.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Ow! What was that for?

RAVEN
Condescension and general lack of elucidation.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Fair enough, I suppose.

CANDI
But what does it do?

JAMES NUCLEUS
It does everything. It does anything.

RAVEN
If he doesn't explain it soon, I'll really slap him.

JAMES NUCLEUS
I am explaining. Listen. I call this thing 'THE BOX'.

CANDI
The box.

JAMES NUCLEUS
No. 'THE BOX'. Connect it to a regular 5000 megahertz terminal, via a USB port, obviously, and it keys into the nearest resident wormhole four and a half light years beyond Alpha Centuri, thus tapping any specified point in time or space and rendering that moment live for a strictly limited term.

RAVEN
Do you know what it does yet?

CANDI
Not a damn clue.

RAVEN
Me either.

A slap.

JAMES NUCLEUS
OW! I just told you, it'll bring anything in the universe here for exactly  five minutes and then it will send it back.

A long pause.

RAVEN
Yeah, right.

JAMES NUCLEUS
It will.

RAVEN
Prove it.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Name something.

RAVEN
What?

JAMES NUCLEUS
Anything. So long as it actually existed.

RAVEN
Anything.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Or anyone.

RAVEN
Any... one?

JAMES NUCLEUS
Yup.

RAVEN
Right then... Kurt Cobain.

GREAVES
Cool.

BETTY
Uh, who?

RAVEN
Kurt Cobain, lead singer with Nirvana.

CANDI
He's dead.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Shouldn't matter...

BETTY
Who killed him?

CANDI
Westlife.

He taps his computer.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Haven't tried it with a rock star before...

He gives a final tap

JAMES NUCLEUS
Viola!

Nothing happens.

RAVEN
Duh! Top invention dork.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Wait. Look over there.

CANDI
Where?

JAMES NUCLEUS
There, on the bike shed roof.

RAVEN
Oh my GOD! That's KURT COBAIN.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Plus band and sound system.

All the students in the playground suddenly notice KURT on the roof of the bike shed.

STUDENT
Kurt?

STUDENT 2
Look, Kurt Cobain.

STUDENT 3
Cool.

Spontaneous applause breaks out.

KURT conflabs with his band then launches into a cool song.

RAVEN
This is unbelievable.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Nothing to it really.

RAVEN
I want his autograph.

JAMES NUCLEUS
Not likely.

RAVEN
Why not.

JAMES NUCLEUS
He'll vanish in three minutes and twenty two seconds...

RAVEN
And?

JAMES NUCLEUS
The song is four minutes long.



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