TO SLEEP by KEN ARMSTRONG
INT : ALAN'S ENTRANCE HALL.
SFX: (The key in the front door then the door being inched open, it squeaks a little. The cat meows from inside)
Alan (Whisper): Hey puss, you want to go out? (Meow) Do you? Haw? (Meow) Well make up your bloody mind! (A final outraged meow as the cat is booted out) Stupid cat! (He closes the door and moves through the house whispering loudly) Ted? Ted?
Ted (Distant): In the bedroom, you moron.
SFX: (Alan runs up the stairs and bursts into the room)
Alan: Ted!
Ted: Sssshhh! You'll wake her up.
Alan: She's sleeping? How long has she been sleeping?
Ted: (Doing a bad De-Niro impersonation) 'scuse me? You talkin' to me? How the hell should I know how long she's been sleeping? I came in with you - you do realise that don't you?
Alan: I know, I know, sorry, I'm preoccupied.
Ted: Well be preoccupied in bed. I am not sitting up with you tonight, no way. Get undressed and tell me what's up.
Alan: (Starting to take his clothes off) You know very well what's up.
Ted: Tell me anyway. Practice your excuse on me.
Alan: I don't need an excuse, nothing happened.
Ted: Nine out of ten for sincerity. Originality, zero. Get into bed and try again.
Alan: (Climbing into bed) She came on to me for God's sake!
Ted: I don't know. Methinks this laddy protests too much.
Alan (Loud ): That's just crap!
SFX: (Sarah groans and rolls over, the bed creaks.)
Alan: (Gasps) Ted, look, she knows. She knows about tonight.
Ted: What makes you think that?
Alan: She's got her hand round my bloody throat.
SFX: (Sarah smacks her lips contentedly)
Ted: She's dreaming.
Alan: That's what I'm afraid of. Aaahh! (Strangled) She's choking me.
Ted: A reflex, it's a reflex. She does this all the time. It means nothing.
Alan: (Draws in breath sharply) Nails, nails, nails.
Ted: Alan, she's your wife not bloody Nostradamus now repeat after me "She knows nothing".
Alan: She knows nothing.
Ted: "She knows nothing."
Alan: She knows nothing.
Ted: Good.
Sarah: (In her sleep) Juliet....Juliet leave him be...he's mine.
Alan: She knows everything.
Ted: Bloody hell. You better sort this thing out Alan, you just better sort this out.
Alan: This is going to be one long night.
© Ken Armstrong 1994