05:36 26/05/99 Wednesday

Dear Lord

Bless and keep me this day.

I often start my journal by saying this.

Just what do I mean by it.

Bless me ..

This is me telling myself that You are the source of all good things in my life, and also telling myself that I can ask You for a stroke, and that You will give it.

By not asking for a particular blessing, and just saying 'bless me' is me saying I trust You and I trust that whatever blessing/stroke You give me will be a good one - so in saying this prayer, I am already getting a stroke in being able to let go and trust to this extent.

By saying 'bless me' and not bless everyone, in this moment, I am taking care of myself, focusing on my own need for the moment.

... and ...

By saying 'and' I am using a joining word, and inclusive word, and expanding word.

I am asking for a lot, rather than a little - I am not being stingy with the strokes I am asking for, and not putting a limit on Your generosity.

I like the spirit of this little word, which I feel I am only beginning to learn about.

Would this be part of an answer to 'Yes But ...' - maybe I could learn to say, 'Yes AND ...' which would make the second thought an enrichment rather than a detraction.

Keep me ...

This is me asking for a special stroke - a protection stroke, and admission on the one hand

that I feel scared

that You can protect me from all danger

that You want me to be safe

that You can provide me with safety

Keep me also implies some kind of storage and/or maintenance - people 'keep' cattle, pets and souvenirs. The act of keeping implies the option of throwing them away, or getting rid of the thing in some way.

So in asking You to keep me, I am admitting that I am in Your power, that You are Lord of my existence, and that if You chose, You could indeed 'throw me away'. I remember being told as a child that if You stopped thinking about me, I wouldn't just die, I would cease to exist.

So in praying 'Keep me' there may be a hint of my 'don't exist' injunction' and on top of that some kind of 'don't be important'.

By praying 'keep me', I am going against these injunctions, and saying/implying that I am important in Your eyes, and that You want me to exist, otherwise all you have to do is to stop thinking about me.

So Lord, thanks for this tiny prayer that has so much behind it.

Do 'bless me and keep me' this day and all the days.

And bless and keep all the other people too - and in that I mean everyone ever - past, present and future.

They are all Your children, and You love us all, even when we do terrible things to each other.

Lord, this TA stuff about 'I'm OK, You're OK, They're OK' is so clearly from You. Make this be my effective belief, and help me to spread it wherever I go.