T.A.I. NEWSNOTES

Nov. 1998 Vol. IV No. 11

EDITORIAL

TA FOR EVERY DAY.

As part of my training in Cambridge, I am being challenged to look at my current applications of TA.

My perception of what I currently do is that I use the bits of TA that I know, semi-automatically, and the parts I am currently learning, I practice as various situations arise.

What I am now realizing is that this is Phase One. There are other phases to follow.

I am now looking at how would I plan to use TA deliberately - that is, having noted some style of unsatisfactory transaction between me and another person, how would I plan to tackle this from a TA perspective the next time it occurs.

I am not finding this easy. It is quite a challenge to take note of these problematical situations - my usual style is to discount either my own ability, or even the possibility of doing something differently. And having discounted, I then put the incident out of my mind.

When I try to remember, there just seems to be a blank, even though at some level, I know there was an incident that I wanted to work on.

As I write this, I am aware of how often I see other people in similar situation at meetings and workshops. People who 'forget' what they want to work on.

How will I deal with this 'forgetting'?

I probably need to slow down my breakneck pace, and give time to taking note of what is going on around me, perhaps even physically to note down issues I want to work on.

I will let you know how I get on. If anyone else has a similar difficulty, do write to me - Sometimes hearing how someone else tackled a challenge can be a trigger for change.

SEAFA AFFIRMATION:

You can say your hellos and goodbyes to people, roles, dreams, and decisions.

(© Jean Illsley Clarke)

TAI North

TAI North will meet November 7 to discuss the Christmas party. Please contact Pat with your ideas if you will not be at the meeting. (0801-232 854-695).

Strokes don't cost much, but mean a lot.

TAI East - October Meeting

A small but enthusiastic gathering heard Tony give an excellent presentation on

RE-DECISION.

For the sake of those who could not make the meeting, we are including some of his material here.

Tony's GROUND RULES

1. Everyone's opinion is important
2. Everyone can pass
3. Feel Free to express a view or opinion
4. Have respect for each other
5. Its OK to change your mind
6. Confidentiality - Whatever personal details you hear here, stays here
7. Person presenting the talk is no infallible and does not know everything and is willing to learn from you
8. Don't be too serious - let your free child have fun
9. Enjoy our TAI Time together.

SETTING YOURSELF UP

A religious leader spent most of his energy trying to get ex-parishioners to return to church.

In a re-decision exercise, he was asked to take an imaginary trip to heaven.

"Are you happy there?" asked the trainer

"Perfectly, infinitely happy," he replied, face aglow, smiling happily.

"Look around," said the trainer. "Are all your parishioners and ex-parishioners in Heaven with you"

He stopped smiling and shook his head.

"No, they are not" he said.

"How do you feel now?" said the trainer.

Frustrated, sad, disappointed", he replied.

Then he began to laugh. From a delighted Child position, he recognized that he had just programmed himself to be unhappy in Heaven, just as he did on earth.

"From now on" he said, "I am going to concentrate on the parishioners who were coming to church. I will continue to reach out to the ex-parishioners without pressurising myself to make them change." (Adapted from Changing Lives through Re-decision Therapy by Mary McClure Goulding, and Robert L Goulding, page 196)

QUOTATIONS:

A redecision is by definition, a positive act.

It is an undoing of an old decision, and results in behaviour closer to the desires of the Free Child.

The person now has a new option for behaviour - not another fixed pattern.

The person's Child, along with their Adult's assistnace, and perhaps the approval of a new part of their Parent ego-state, intends to carry out a new behaviour, and to put aside an old one.

In no event does it become an obligation. Re-decisions are made only to please the self.

(Transactional Analysis by Stan Woolams and Michael Brown. Page 205)

RE-DECISION WORK is fast, often fun, and curative. (Goulding ibid, page 214)

Next meeting is November 21 (third Saturday)

Topic: Drivers - Doorways to Downfall

FORTHCOMING MEETINGS

Meetings are free of charge, but donations towards costs are appreciated.

VENUES:

Carrickfergus: Mediation Centre, 6 Cheston St. (opposite Carrickfergus castle)

Phone 0801-232 854-695

Dublin: 207 Emmet Road, Inchicore, Dublin 8. Contact 4511125 for details.

Send a Stamped Addressed Envelope for further information or membership application to

TAI c/o 8 Seskin View Avenue, Tallaght,

Dublin 24, Ireland, or Phone +353-1-4511125

Write to Elizabeth Cleary

© Transactional Analysis in Ireland