To Where?

People see us on stage, see me smiling, see us selling albums and having hits and they think we've forgotten. We haven't. We keep it to ourselves. We're willing to talk about Richey in interviews, but it's only between ourselves and with my wife that the real emotion comes out. That's when we really talk.
Nicky (1996)

Splitting up was perhaps a possibility right up until the first time we practised together (after Richey's disappearance).
Sean (1996)

We practised where we'd always done it, an absolute shithole in Cardiff. We didn't walk in and burst out crying. We're not drama queens. We're too self-conscious for that.
Nicky (1996)

In a way, it was just like the very first rehearsal. We were apprehensive and unsure of what would happen. It wasn't like we looked at each other and said, 'Hey, it's still there... the magic'. It was just like normal. After 20 minutes we went shopping.
Sean (1996)

We played the Haciendia - the first time we'd played a small gig since Richey disappeared. In the old days, Wire would bump into me on stage and I'd shoot Richey a look: 'What's he like?'. On Friday I looked over and there was no one there. I thought, 'What the fuck did I do that for?'. Apart from that it was really strange. There were a few heavily dramatised tears being shed down the front.
James (1996)

We sat down and discussed whether to record or not at great length, among ourselves and with Richey's family, and basically decided we should have a go. We've been rehearsing regularly for the last few months and have over 20 new songs, which have been written over the past year. The last six months have been very difficult for us, but we feel ready to start recording.
Nicky (1995)

How can I put myself in competition with Richey when he was one of my best mates? I'm not gonna go, 'We're gonna be bigger than ever'. You don't compete with your friends on that level.
James (1996)

(Fans) want to believe that he was perpetually tortured, any kind of ordinariness they just don't want to see. They'll never believe that Richey and me played cricket for hours on end. The last year of being in the band he definitely did go downhill. We got one letter which said 'Why didn't you talk to him?' And I spent more time in my life talking to Richey and trying to understand him than I have done with any other person. He made my life a misery sometimes, because I was just worrying about him all the time.
Nicky

Two months ago I was having a drink in London and someone says to me, 'How can you be out having a drink? If I was you, I'd be in my room, chopping myself up by proxy for Richey'.
James (1996)

What am I supposed to do? I loved him, and so did Nicky and so did Sean... I can't sit in my room forever with the curtains closed being a cold fish. It's then that it's been really difficult to stop myself getting really violent.
James (1996)

We decided to carry on in April (1995) after two months of waiting by the phone and feeling really ill and exhausted. We were really paralysed and unable to do anything. We thought we'd been so close, and in the end we couldn't do anything for him. It's sad to think that perhaps he didn't like you.
Nicky (1995)

We did consider changing the name and starting over again... and we probably would have done if we knew he was dead. It would be more like a Joy Division/New Order thing then.
Nicky

 

Between the three of us we can be very sarcastic and take the piss about the whole thing, and that helps. It's the New Order school of thought: 'Ian Curtis was a twat 'cos he ruined our American tour.
Nicky (1996)

Before Richey went missing he photocopied a whole file of 60 lyrics and gave a copy to each of us. But we haven't used any of those. The four or five songs we have used on the album were done before. It's funny how I've been written out of the story. Admittedly on The Holy Bible Richey wrote 70 per cent of the words. But up until then it had been 50:50, so it wasn't that difficult for us to move forward without Richey's lyrics.
Nicky (1996)

I'd just got married and moved into my new house, and I didn't want to write about death camps, so I'd amassed quite a stockpile of my own stuff anyway. There was a kind of temptation to break completely with the past and not use any of Richey's lyrics, but in the end it feels quite elegiac really.
Nicky (1996)

I think it's good that we've kept certain memories to ourselves, because that keeps that sort of bond there. It doesn't become a myth. For us... it's still a bloke. I think it's really important that we keep hold of that.
Nicky (1997)

'Yes' is one of the band's favourite songs, it really is. James finds it impossible to sing live. It may be in the third person, about a prostitute, but it's so personal to Richey, he says, 'I can't do that live. I don't care how much I love that song'. It's weird being on stage when you've got these fucking myriad emotions going through you're mind, that's what I usually forget when I'm playing.
Nicky (1997)

When your best friend was a genius, you don't want to throw away everything he stood for, just like that.
Nicky (1996)

The hardest thing is trying to speak on his behalf for fans' sakes. You get so paranoid, having to watch what you say. And then there's always the fear that he'll be reading it somewhere with a big beard thinking, 'You twat'.
Nicky (1996)

I've tried to blank it out, to a certain degree. I won't give anybody the illusion that I'm sitting there waiting, 'cos we've all nearly fucked ourselves up over it and I've developed some kind of immunity towards it. I'd rather be shocked than wait on something now. Because I can't wait around any more.
James (1995)

The time you'd notice it was when we'd be in Nick's room, socialising, and suddenly there'd be a lull in the conversation and we'd all realise that was the point Richey would have come up with one of his Richey-isms.
James (1995)

I remember the introduction to 'From Despair To Where' (at the Hacienda in Manchester), looking over to where Richey would have been standing, swigging at a bottle of whisky, and there was no one there. And when we came offstage I virtually had a breakdown. I was just crying hysterically for about three hours, like a twat. The first time I'd been able to cry since the day they found his car.
Nicky (1994)

The success of Everything Must Go is tainted by the knowledge that it's not the four of us enjoying it together.
James (1996)

The album isn't a goodbye to Richey. We could never say goodbye. He was my best friend. We talk about him all the time between ourselves. It's easier to live with now because we're getting busy again, but you still wake up every morning and think about him.
Nicky (1996)