15th November 2004
Two of the sensible things I have done in my life were not to get involved in smoking or pub quizzes. The not smoking was quite easy really. People used to tell me they began smoking to have something to do with their hands at parties. What was the matter with holding a glass in one hand and whatever sort of food one could get hold of in the other, I wonder? This was one of the things about being in college for six years, one was looking for free food and drink longer than those who had the riches achieved by employment after three or four years study.
This lack of a yearning for nicotine means I can be really smug about the smoking ban. Notice how the complaints from vintners have decreased since they found it takes at least an hour less to clean up at night. Taking that saving into account and add the damage to upholstery and carpets that burns from cigarettes cause and I'd say that any reduction in sales may not seem quite such a burden.
The smoking in pubs in the Good Old Days (pre April 2004 in this case) meant I was left out a bit regarding the pub quizzes because a night of streaming eyes and coughing was not my idea of good fun. I'd just give the money to the relevant charity or whatever and stay home.
And did I get involved in quizzes at home? Yes, I did but most consisted of me shouting advice to more active participants on television or radio.
I did see, not a word of a lie, the incredible "Quick Silver" quiz of the late Seventies where, when a contestant was asked "What was Hitler's first name?" he replied "Was it Heil?" I can even remember the town in which this peripatetic show took place but won't mention here in case I ever visit the place again.
But it wasn't the only hilarious question/answer exchange. One of my sons, then aged about eight remembers "What is a tangerine?" - reply "Is it a sort of fish?" And for me "Where did the Blessed Virgin appear to St. Bernadette?" - reply "Was it in Athlone?".
Highlights like these cannot be expected every night but I keep my eyes and ears open listening to or watching all sorts of shows.
Decades ago, walking in the evening in small French towns on summer holidays one could see the locals inside sitting in the kitchen watching television while they ate their delicious dinners, How bourgeois, I thought to myself. This probably was because we had only one television set and none in the kitchen. Also, my children were of an age then when I was trying to bring them up "right and proper" as a caller to her programme once said to Marion Finucane and telling them to sit up, etc. was part of the deal. (When we were children we were told to sit up straight in our chairs at meals so that a cat could walk between our backs and the back of the chair. Indeed, we had quite a few cats so this could easily have happened. Nowadays, one would probably be breaking an E.U. law on hygiene if it occurred even in the home!)
Well, by the time we got the television in the kitchen there was just my husband and me slouching about and it seemed perfectly all right to plug myself into the quizzes and after all, the best ones seemed to be at eight o'clock.
So, there I am with my glass of white wine all set to participate in University Challenge or whatever. ("He", like all men, is never ready for dinner at eight. In a show of power he has to go off and do something vital to the clutch or carburettor in one of his ancient cars so that I must be kept waiting.)
But who minds, if there is a quiz, especially when Jeremy Paxman is in charge. What an operator! The sneering at those unfortunates from the most illustrious of universities makes me wonder if he went beyond Inter Cert himself. There was a session during the summer, when real grown-ups from the British Library, the Law Society, etc., had a go and he was much more respectful to them. There were more women on the grown-ups teams than the university ones. It's interesting to see how few young women seem to make it to these university teams. People should stop worrying about the shortfall in boys getting into medical school. I think it's just that boys have too much sense to bother applying because the brightest of brains are on show in physics, computer science, Ancient Hebrew and so on.
While "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" gave me quite a bit of entertainment for a while, usually on at dinner time too, I got fed up of it after a few years. No, it wasn't because of the Major being found out to be a cheat, it was because there were too many questions about pop groups post The Beatles and football teams. It gets very tiresome if one can't get at least one or two questions right.
This is why "Mastermind" is the star of them all but I do miss Magnus Magnusson still. If one couldn't answer any of a contestant's specialist questions there was always an excuse. "Well, I've read hardly any of Ted Hughes' poetry. Why don't they have Paul Durcan or Kavanagh. Do you think they're biased against Irish poets or something like that?" (Be assured I only asked questions if "he" has come up from wrestling with drive-shafts or whatever. I never asked them to myself, well, not out loud anyway). The general questions with any luck at all would see that between us we'll get a few correct which gives a great glow of satisfaction.
And now Magnus is coming amongst us to do "Medical Mastermind". If I'd realised how high the prize was - 2,500 Euro for the winner plus 2,500 Euro for an Alzheimer initiative of one's choice - I might have tried to get my wits together and re-read several times Durcan or Kavanagh.
Anyway, to my relief it's past the closing date for applying to take part. So I'll just have to go and be part of the audience. What a relief! Knocked out before he could say "I've started so I'll finish" and me sitting there with a big zero as a score.
Senator Mary Henry, MD
