The Forty Day Retreat in which the Diary was written took place at the Church of San Carlo at Castellazzo

During this time Paul lived in a room at the back of the Church where he did his writing.

The room in which Paul lived and worked during the retreat.

From the Spiritual Diary of Saint Paul of the Cross, priest  
(pp. 65; 67-68; 75; 80; Pisani edition, 1964)  

Mystical experiences of St. Paul of the Cross in his own words 

“On Friday I was unusually recollected, especially during Holy Communion. Afterwards I experienced great peace and consolation with very tender affections. I felt a special fervor in asking God to hasten the foundation of this holy Congregation in his Church, and in praying for sinners. 

I received a deep, infused understanding of the sufferings of my Jesus, and I had such an ardent desire for perfect union with him that I actually longed to feel his sufferings and to be with him on the cross. In offering to God the sufferings which my Jesus endured, I was moved to tears; likewise in praying for all men. 

At Holy Communion, I was particularly recollected, especially as I recalled with great sorrow, the sufferings of my Jesus. This grace which my dear God gave me at this time is so sublime that I do not know how to explain it because I cannot. 

But you must know that in recalling the sufferings of my Jesus, sometimes as soon as, I have recalled one or two of them, I have to stop because my soul can say no more and feels that it is melting away. It remains thus, languishing with great delight mingled with tears, with the sufferings of its Bridegroom infused into it. Or, to express myself better, the soul is immersed in the heart and sorrows of its beloved Bridegroom, Jesus. 

Sometimes, it understands all of them and remains in God through this loving and sorrowful contemplation. This is very difficult to explain and it always seems new to me. 

I wish I were able to say that everyone will experience this great grace which God mercifully grants when he sends us suffering, especially when the suffering is without consolation. For then the soul is purified like gold in the furnace and becomes beautiful. It becomes agile so that it may take flight to its Good, that is, to a blessed transformation which it does not even perceive.

 The soul carries the cross with Jesus and, does not realize it. This happens because of the number and variety of its sufferings, which put it in great, forgetfulness, so that it no longer remembers it is suffering. I understand that this is an excellent way to suffer fruitfully.

 It is very pleasing to God because the soul grows indifferent to such an extent that it no longer considers whether it is in joy or in pain. It is concerned only about the most holy will of its beloved Bridegroom, Jesus. It wants to be crucified with him, because thus it is more conformed to its beloved God who, all during his holy life, did nothing but suffer. 

On Thursday I experienced a particular spiritual uplift, especially during Holy Communion. I longed to go and die as a martyr in some place where the adorable mystery of the most Blessed Sacrament is denied. The Infinite Goodness has given me this desire for some time, but today I felt it in a special way. I desired the conversion of heretics, especially in England and the neighbouring kingdoms, and I offered a special prayer for this intention during Holy Communion.

I also had an extraordinary understanding of the infinite mercy of God,, when our Sovereign Good allowed me to perceive the infinite love with which he punishes us here, so that he may spare us in eternity. Because his infinite Majesty knows how his infinite justice will punish sin, his infinite mercy compassionately inflicts loving chastisements. With these, he urges his sinful creatures to correct themselves so that they may escape eternal punishment and zealously serve him before all else in the world.