PRELUDE

I had never met Adolf Hitler, but my mother heard him speaking on the radio one night and remarked that the best that could be said for him was that he was now at war with the British. The fact that he had also supported General Franco during the Spanish Civil War, and sent the Condor Legion to Spain to blitzkrieg Guernica and the Spanish Republicans into submission, did present her with some difficulty but my mother was like that. When in doubt - bomb the Brits.

My father, on the other hand, was not in favour of bombing anyone and though sympathetic to the British, spent most of his time praying for Eamonn De Valera and the remainder of his time offering up novenas for the conversion of Russia to the Catholic faith. Adolf Hitler was also rather keen on the idea of converting the Russians and sent his Panzer Divisions to Moscow with orders to deliver the message. But the snow got in the way of the Panzers and they had to make a hasty retreat to Berlin with nothing to show for their efforts but a postcard from the Red Army saying "Don't call us. We'll call you."

In Ireland, however, no one was calling anyone because the telephone lines were tapped. DeValera said we were neutral. The ports were closed to the British and the Germans. The newspapers were censored, and when a well known Irishman was killed in a naval battle in the Atlantic, his death was reported as an unfortunate boating accident. Occasionally, some news did filter through but the British appeared to be forever on the retreat, and the Russians had an extraordinary capacity for advancing backwards, even when they were half way to Berlin with snow on their boots.

William Joyce, in the guise of Lord Haw-Haw, confirmed the good news. He was from Galway and spoke on Radio Berlin every night to comfort the British in their hour of need. He also believed in miracles and said that the war would be over by Christmas, the Germans would be dining in Moscow, and Hitler was already preparing a banquet in Buckingham Palace, to which we were all invited - provided we had blonde hair, blue eyes, and were not degenerates. He also, incidentally, believed in acupuncture and kept a needle by his bed every night to keep the Reds away

In Cork, of course, nobody believed in anything that wasn't written on the back of a Five Pound note - and in Margaret Street we were more concerned with the horrors of

rationing than with anything happening on the Continent of

Europe. Sean Mc Entee introduced us to the weekly half ounce

of tea and when that failed to please us, we were subjected to a concoction called "Coffee O Eire" - made from sawdust and dandelion roots - which did more to increase the mortality rate than anything since the Famine.

In desperation, many people joined the Local Defence Forces, where extra rations were provided for those who could see and rosary beads and Holy Water for those who could not. Created by DeValera to defend us against invasion by the British or the Germans, the LDF blossomed in areas more renowned for their addiction to martyrdom, than for anything to do with common sense. Rifles at the ready and rosary beads pointing West, they stood guard over our coast line and dared anyone who was mad enough to come and invade us - and, occasionally, someone did. A group of German parachutists were reported to have landed somewhere in the midlands, but got lost in the Bog of Allen - and when they finally managed to dig themselves out, were too exhausted to do anything but surrender to the Gardaí.

Some time later, another German parachutist arrived in Wicklow enquiring for the address of the local Commander of the IRA. When he was informed that the latest incumbent was currently incarcerated in the Curragh, he went into a decline and had to have medical treatment. The British, of course, didn't have to invade. They occupied the six counties in the North-East and when they, accidentally, strayed into the Republic to view our defences, were promptly returned to Belfast. The Germans, on the other hand, were interned because no one could think of a way of shipping them back to Germany without a Safe Conduct Pass from the British. The British weren't issuing safe conduct passes that year, and were more interested in sinking anything that could float and wasn't one of their own. So, the Germans stayed put and waited for Adolf Hitler to rescue them from oblivion.

In Cork, we were used to waiting. We waited in Dole queues to be rescued from poverty. We waited in schools for a revelation in learning. We waited in church for a guarantee of eternal salvation, while the LDF waited for an invasion - under neutral lights that shone brightly and could be seen clearly across the water. In Margaret Street, however, the lights were going out and we were down on our knees seven days a week praying to be invaded by anyone who could provide us with a decent cup of tea or a bag of coal to light the fire.

We waited a long time and then, some of us, moved out.

Patrick Galvin

"Song For A Fly Boy"