Pushing too hard?

Are You Pushing Your Kids Too Hard?

Achievement by Proxy (ABP) develops when parents of gifted athletes develop unreasonable and dangerous pride and satisfaction in the achievements of their children. Typically, the parents push as hard and as fast as possible, convincing themselves that everything they do is in the best interests of their children. The problem is compounded by coaches who demand potentially dangerous sacrifices from the child athlete.

It begins with simply helping a child achieve at a high level. The second stage is characterized by parent sacrifice. Level three involves complete loss of the child as an individual and includes increasing pressure to perform. The child becomes an instrument of adult goals. The last stage is when the parents encourage potentially dangerous behavior in order to gain recognition or to make money.

To avoid ABP syndrome:

• Balance your child's total development needs with sports goals
• Monitor your own motivation by asking, "Am I doing this for myself or for my child?"
• Consult a psychiatrist or psychologist if there is a question about motivation or doubt about the child's best interest