Life is sexually transmitted.
- Phillip French, "The Observer"
Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty-five years and you pay it back and then one day you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then one day you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die. Maybe.
"We are born in a lottery,
and we perish in one."
- Kevin Myers, "The Irish Times"
"Sure don't take life
too seriously, none of us are getting out of it alive."
- Colin Murphy, "The Blizzard of Odd"
"I was born in Tyrone,
1956, for something I didn't do. I was innocent. But they gave me life.
I still remember the midwife who extradited me."
- Kevin McAleer
"Life's not a paragraph
and death I think is no parenthesis."
- EE Cummings (1894-1962)
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, it seems to me the most strange that men should fear seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.
- AA Gill, "The Times"
Dead men tell no tales.
- Woodrow Wilson
"I want to be a pretty corpse."
- Eva Braun, choosing poison instead of a gun in "Downfall"
They live ill who expect to live always.
"At my age I do what
Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if
I'm not there I carry on as usual."
- Patrick Moore
"I'm of an age when
if I started to do eulogies, I'd be doing nothing else."
"You don't want to be remembered?"
"I don't want them to be told to remember me."
- Garrison Keilor, in "A Prairie Home Companion"
"Part of our grief
may be for things done or left undone; words said or words never said."
- from the eulogy in "In My Father's Den"
"I hate this feeling,
but I am so scared of losing it."
- Mina Murray, grieving for her lost love in "Dracula"
Comrades mine and I
in the midst, and their memory ever to keep for the dead I loved so well.
- Walt Whitman
When the game is over,
the king and the pawn go into the same box.
- Italian Proverb
Weep not that I have
gone, rejoice that I have been.
If I could think that
I had sent a spark to those who come after I should be ready to say Goodbye.
- Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, February 29, 1932
Death is delightful.
Death is dawn, The waking from a weary night of fevers unto truth and light.
- James Russell Lowell
Death is always and under all circumstances a tragedy, for if it is not, then it means life itself has become one.
The farce is finished. I go to seek a vast perhaps.
- Walter Savage Landor
We are all sentenced to capital punishment for the crime of living.
- George Bernard Shaw
This world to her Was but a tragic play. She came, saw, dislik'd, And passed away.
- Inscription on tomb for a teenage girl in London's Southwark Cathedral
Death is not everything. It is more cruel not to be able to die.
On my gravestone, I want it to say, "I told you I was sick."
The statistics on death are in, and they're pretty convincing. One out of every one people die..
He had a sense of fun,
including an ability to speak backwards and a penchant for asking his staff
to speak in foreign accents.
- from "The Telegraph" obit for Lord Kelvedon (Feb'07)
Please keep off the
- Peter Ustinov, on what should be written on his tombstone
Quiet, isn't it?
- Comedian Frank Carson, on his preferred epitaph
Alas, I am dying beyond
- Oscar Wilde
"My wallpaper and I
are fighting a duel to the death. One or the other of us has to go."
- Oscar Wilde's reported last words
"Thomas Jefferson survives."
- John Adams, he actually outlived friend and rival Jefferson by several hours dying 4 July 1826
"Gentlemen, you have
no sense of honor left, pray have some of humanity."
- Virginian Daniel Parke, last words after being tortured by rebels in Antigua
"Major, tell my father
that I died with my face to the enemy."
- Colonel I.E. Avery, Confederate soldier at Gettysburg (1863)
"Take a step forward
lads it'll be easier that way."
- Erskine Childers' last words, to his firing squad, Irish Civil War (1922)
"I see that you have
made three spelling mistakes."
- Marquis de Favras, comments to clerk after reading his own death sentence (1790)
"It is for all men
that come into the world once to die; and after death the judgment! And
since death is a debt that all of us must pay, it is but a matter of small
moment what way it be done."
- Richard Rumbold, from his 'gallows' speech before execution for treason 1685
"I should never have
switched from Scotch to Martinis."
- Humphrey Bogart
Time is running out. We both need to do something monstrous before we die."
- Message from Ralph Steadman to Hunter Thompson
"Nonsense! They couldn't
hit an elephant at that range"
- Last words of US Civil War General John Sedgewick, in his fourth year of the war
"Die? My dear Doctor,
that's the last thing I shall do!"
- Lord Palmerston, British statesman and Prime Minister. 1784-1865
"I am just going outside and may be some time."
In the barking blue-blood stakes the Brits lag way behind the 19th-century King Otto of Bavaria, who felt that the best way to keep alert was to shoot a peasant a day. Fortunately his minders were able to fill his gun with blanks, and guards were told to dress as peasants and fall over when the King fired. Otto, happily, was too dense to realise.
- Richard Morrison, "The Times"
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
- Doctor Frank Reeves, "A Matter of Life and Death"
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
- Spider Jerusalem, "Transmetropolitan #17"
Roleplaying is an escapist activity that requires a good imagination, but it is not recommended for those with a poor grip on reality. It does not make weirdos, it simply attracts them.
"For as long as I could
remember I've always wanted to spend three months as an in patient in a
- Jonathan Breech, facing hospital or prison, "On The Edge"
"Mom, if you're trying
to drive me crazy, I can walk from here."
- Sarah, on "Brothers & Sisters"
"When ee fear something,
I think we wish for it."
- Edmond, in David Mamet's "Edmond"
The Cardinal [of Ravenna] is at his wits end it is true that he did not have far to go.
Insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting different results.
Crazy is when you stay
out clubbing until you pass out. Insane is when you stay home and club
yourself until you pass out.
Crazy is when you buy a talking parrot. Insane is when you teach him sign language.
Crazy is when you write angry letters to your congressman. Insane is when you write angry letters to your cat, who happens to be named Congressman.
Crazy is when you swim immediately after eating. Insane is when you refuse to eat without swimming first.
Crazy is when you think up nicknames for all your friends. Insane is when you call all your friends Nick.
- Steve Dupont
Do not stand at my
grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond's glint on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripening grain,
I am the gentle autum rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of circled birds in flight,
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.
Return to Quotes index, or Site homepage.