There are 2 sorts of people in the universe, those who believe there are 2 sorts of people and those who don't. Some people are just born determinists.

Free will is an illusion. We are all slaves to heredity and our upbringing and environment. Hence the opinions expressed here are not my own. Please feel free to flame my parents and friends. Hi. This is John's answering machine. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. Questions, comments, death threats, marriage proposals.

        - Drew Timmon's signoff at "The OC Blogspot"

No baby seals or dolphins were harmed in the sending of this email.


This is a test of the emergency signature system. Were this an actual signature, you would see amusing mottos, disclaimers, a zillion net addresses, or edifying philisophical statements. This is only a test.

- This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, you'd be writhing on the ground in unspeakable agony, bleeding from every orifice, with your blackened skin falling away in ragged strips.

Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.

I file things in historical order, with a hashing algorithm of gravity

If I just flamed you, and you are thinking 'What a jerk', be glad I'm not as bad as my friend John. He gets his kicks by wrenching the wings off of live rabbits. Ah HA! You didn't know rabbits had wings, did you? And of course they dont, until John has hammered them into their backs with six inch nails. A rather simple-minded hobby, but it keeps him amused

A long time ago, on a distant planet, I was a high priest of an evil cult. Now, as payment for past sins, what remains of what I was must manifest itself as this sig. Perhaps on a different plane of reality, we could have been friends.

This program posts news to billions of machines throughout the galaxy. Your message will cost the net enough to bankrupt your entire planet. As a result your species will be sold into slavery. Be sure you know what you are doing. Are you absolutely sure you want to do this? [ny] y

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam. ( Tr. "I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head." )

Microsoft Network is prohibited from redistributing this work in any form, in whole or in part. License to distribute this post is available to Microsoft for $1000. Posting without permission constitutes an agreement to these terms.

Real Life, also known as "that big room with the ceiling that is sometimes blue and sometimes black with little lights"

Net postings: Demonstrating the lack of quality psychotherapy in the world...

All opinions are soley those of the unix guys playing with my account

In the event I am captured or killed, the secretary, the project leader, the manager and the CEO will disavow any knowledge of my opinions.

To post or not to post, that is the question...Whether 'tis nobler on the 'net to suffer, the flames from outrageous loonies or to press 'F' against a sea of slander and by opposing end them? To send KILL signal; to sleep(1); No more...

DISCLAIMER: Wasn't me! A monkey sat at my keyboard and typed one key per second for five years until he got this!

Absolutely no trees were killed to produce this sig. Well, OK, we had to tie one up and torture it. So. However, this is not the only sig I have. My other one is even more important. It's name is P226.

You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.

The opinions put forth in this article are not necessarily the opinions of the poster. They might just be here to annoy you.

New .sig under construction. CAUTION: We whistle at women.

Hello! I am a creature from a galaxy far away, visiting your planet. I have transformed myself into this text file. As you are reading it, I am having sex with your eyeballs. I know you like it because you are smiling. Please pass me on to someone else because I'm really horny.

Necessity is the mother of invention. MacGyver is the father.

Furthermore, the above message does necessarily reflect the opinions of my employer, all his family and friends, everyone they've ever expressed a desire to speak or otherwise communicate to, and the rest of Terran population as well. Said persons may deny having the same opinion, but that is merely because they are snivelling, whining inbreds who have no concept of my divine powers to speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. So help me Dog.

I wanna decide who lives and who dies! The opinions expressed herein are those of absolutely everyone at National Instruments: the management, staff, stockholders, their spouses, children, dogs, and cats. In fact, everyone in Austin also agrees. No, make that Texas. - Branches from the nearby foliage, or geological specimens, may fracture my skeletal structure; however, inaccurate descriptions of my physical appearance, heritage or personality, cannot damage my psyche. - Look harmless. Act ruthless.

        - Machiavelli on Politics.Ie

"The opinions expressed herein are beamed to me periodically from Remulac, during the festival of the Moons of Meepzorp. (Toss me the senso-rings)"

"The opinions expressed here are not those of my employer, my wife, my church, or myself...But they are the opinions of Elvis as revealed to me through the medium of my pet hamster, Lee Harvey Oswald... "

"This .sig may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, by any means, including but not limited to: Mechanical reprints, electronic storage or scanning, theatrical release, musical ballads, word of mouth, sign language, braille, pantomime, hetero-or asexual reproduction, genetic engineering, or inclusion in other .sigs. "

- "Ted is a sick human being. We shouldn't hate him, we shouldn't make fun of him, we shouldn't treat him as a pariah or a net.idiot--above all, we shouldn't flame him. We should reach out to him as a brother, with love and compassion, and operate on his brain." - Gene Ward Smith The opinions expressed in this article may or may not be based on fact, fiction, characters or events (real or imaginary), reality, truth, or logic. - Your eyes are weary from staring at the CRT. You feel sleepy. Notice how restful it is to watch the cursor blink. Close your eyes. The opinions stated above are yours. You cannot imagine why you ever felt otherwise. - I drink coke as a symbol of Australia's cultural and economic subservience to the United States of America


These opinions are mine, not those of the University of Virginia. It is the opinion of the University that I should be writing my dissertation.

- The opinions expressed in this letter do, in fact, represent the opinions of UCSD, its employees, faculty, and students, as well as the entire University of California system and its precious Regents, because, let's face it, I have that kind of power at my disposal. - Spyder God@icogsci1.UCSD Engage Romulan .sig cloaking device.... - U.C.S.B. doesn't even know that _I_ exist, let alone my opinions!

"Yesterday upon the stair, I saw a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today, I think he's from the CIA."

"Although you should be doing something productive with your life, you are instead wasting your time reading this inane mindless rambling drivel from the keyboard of: Andrew Hay,"

This signature project was my last, best hope to seem eloquent. It failed. But in the year of Decency In Communications Act, it became something greater. My last, best hope for satire.

- Kfoster@argon.GAS.UUG.Arizona.EDU The posting above is just this .sig's way of propagating itself - "Push to test."


"Release to detonate."

The statement above is false. - "I never make any rules..." - Make informed personal attacks:


Return to Quotes index, or Site homepage.