~ Beavis and Butthead
~ Undergrads
~ Pinky and The Brain
~ Earthworm Jim
~ Futurama
~ Winne The Pooh
~ Others


I am Cornholio, I need TP for my bunghole (Beavis)

If you, like, make out with a frog, then you turn into Prince (Butthead)

Come to Butthead ( Butthead's erm chat-up line )

Stop in the name of all that which does not suck ( Butthead )

Beavis, you're about to be injured.

Does this video suck?...signs point to yes ( Butthead )

"This bowling-ball isn't human. It does not feel pain. It can't be reasoned with."

"Hey Beavis, let's check out the men's room in this gas station. Sometimes they have pretty good advice on the wall."


1. Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said "come."
2. You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let's like get into each other's life or whatever.
3. Uh, like let's drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, do it.
4. I can make you feel like I've never had sex before.
5. If you ever had sex with a machine, that's what it's like with me. 'Cause I'm like a sex machine.
6. Hey, are you one of those chicks who goes out with guys right off the bat? 'Cause that's what I'm looking for.
7. Should I call you for breakfast or will you like cook it for me?


"Since your like the president, would you go to a third world country in a helicopter, and say "I am the president of the United States, the most powerful country in the world, bow down and kiss my butt!!"
"Yea! And the streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers."
        - Butthead & Beavis, to Bill Clinton

"The future sucks. Change it."
"I'm pretty cool Beavis, but I cannot change the future."
        - Beavis & Butthead

"You've been in this class all year and the only Spanish you know is what you learned at Taco Bell! And Beavis can't even get that right!"
        - B&B fall foul of their Spanish teacher

"Dammit Butthead why do you have to tear down everything good in my life!"
"'Cos your life sucks Beavis."
        - Beavis and Butthead

"Dammit Beavis this isn't scientific!"
        - Butthead, investigating the mystery of 'morning wood'

"Is this art?"
"This means something."
"Yes, this means something stupid."
        - Beavis and Butthead about 'One' from U2


"You go out on friday night, I'll stay in but that's alright
'Cause i have found a clique to call my own!
So come and talk to me on my computer screen,
the best years of our lives aren't as easy as they seem."
        - From the opening credits, "The Click" by Good Charlotte

"You must learn to master your joystick as a fisherman masters bait."
        - Gimpy

"Agent Dana Scully is a woman of reason and science, and sharp Armani suits. She is a sterling example of American womanhood, untouchable by human hands."
        - Gimpy

"You're kidding... pretty soon those uppity women-folk will be wanting to vote."
        - Nitz

"To the click."
        - Gimpy

"Whoever did this is a man of skill, a man of cunning, a man of, of... huh? A GIRL?! NOOOOOOO!!"
        - Gimpy

"Maybe going outside wasn't such a good idea."
        - Gimpy

"Please stop talking to yourself, you're scaring me."
        - hobo to Nitz

"Well that's the nicest thing a beer induced hallucination has ever said to me."
        - Rocko

"The giant imaginary bottle of whiskey is with me."
        - Rocko, entering the bar

"That little green drink inspired hallucination is right!"
        - Rocko

"What next? Opium dens? A rave? A Star Trek convention?"
        - Gimpy, trying to stop Nitz going to a bar

"I have a date with Kimmy."
"You mean you're going to sit in the library and hope she walks by?"
        - Nitz & Gimpy

"You know you're a jerk, Rocko?"
"I'm vaguely aware, sure."
        - Nitz and Rocko

"Not now, Mump. I'm building a life-size replica of the death star."
"But sir, the semester's over in two days."
"You're right, we'll have to double our efforts."
"Sir, you're going to have to leave."
"The emperor's coming here?"
     - Gimpy and Mump

"Did the rebels just abandon Hoth when the going got tough?"
"Actually, that's exactly what they did."
        - Mump and Gimpy

"Yes! There isn't a question we can't answer!"
"Here's one, Jesus. What's it like to kiss a girl?"
"Shut up."
        - Gimpy, Rocko and Nitz

"I'll do anything you say, guy."
"Go kill yourself."
"You're funny, guy."
        - Cal and Rocko

"Hey Best Buddy Rocko's Friend Guy"
        - Cal to Nitz

"Hey Jessie Lady Guy"
        - Cal to Jessie

"Hey guy, do you know anybody who can tell me what's wrong with me?"
"Cal, I've been waiting for this day for a long, long time."
        - Cal asks Rocko for advice after discovering the "I Hate Cal!" newsgroup

"This could take a while, but we're gonna go through the whole book."
        - Rocko reads Cal his "Things Cal does that make me want to kill him dead dead dead dead" book

"Guys, I won't lie to you, I'm just here to replace Gimpy while he goes to brain school."
        - Gimpy, trying a diversion

"I mean have you learned anything this whole year about anything!"
        - Jessie to Nitz

"Undergrads is back on. Nitz is the perfect guy I swear. Gezzz. I've fallen for yet another cartoon character."
        - Quote seen on


Brain: "Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed."

Pinky: "Whatcha doin' over there, Brain?"
Brain: "Contemplating your afterlife, Pinky."

Brain: "Pinky, I am in considerable pain."
Pinky: "Narf! Zort! Poit! Gat! I'm with you, Brain!"

Pinky: "Wot now, Brain?"
Brain: "We should flee in terror. Yes, that would be the wisest course!"

Brain: "Now, Pinky, if by any chance you are captured during this mission, remember you are Gunther Heindriksen from Appenzell. You moved to Grindelwald to drive the cog train to Murren. Can you repeat that?"
Pinky: "Mmmm, no, Brain, don't think I can."

Brain: "I am not devoid of humour."

Pinky: "Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world!"

Brain: "I'm a laboratory mouse in the first stages of an elaborate plan to take over the world."

Brain: "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "Yeah, I think so, Brain, but I can't memorise the whole opera in yiddish."
Brain: "Pinky, you are a threat to tolerance."

Brain : "I shall pollute the water supply with this DNAdefibuliser, turning everyone into mindless slaves."
Pinky : "What about the people who drink bottled water?"
Brain : "Pinky, people who pay 5 dollars for a bottle of water are already mindless slaves."

Brain : "Accepting my own errors, the team needs balance. Balance, yes. Therefore, to successfully take over the world, a sacrifice must be made. One of us must be an imbecile."

"This particular scheme has a physicality to it that I dislike immensely."
        - The Brain, crashing down to earth

"Utilizing satellite technology and these [2 clamps], we will redirect all global telephone communication into an endless voice mail system. And once a person is on the line, the array and amount of choices will render them occupied, busy, and unable to defend the earth for a full 72 hours - more than enough time for a well-prepared mouse to seize control of the planet."

- Of Mice and Man "Merlin's spell book contains the power of the universe...With the help of this spell book, we will use Merlin's magic to take control of the world...Ah, here we have it. Take Over the World Spell, page 614. With this spell...the entire planet will be forced to acknowledge me as their leader." - Spell Bound "By utilizing invisible forces of nature, we shall make this time machine work...with this [paper clip]...This paper clip will serve as an antenna, grabbing neutrinos from the cosmos, and providing ignition for this craft ...We shall travel back to the primordal era, alter the course of evolution, and then return to the present to a world dominated not by humans, but by mice. And they shall choose me as their leader... because I'm very likable." - When Mice Ruled the Earth "Behold, the Noodle Noggin doll! Capable of hypnotizing humans, it shall bring us the world. My plan is to get a Noodle Noggin doll into every home on the planet, and then, on Christmas Day, we broadcast my hypnotic suggestion to the world. My message of world domination, that I shall be their ruler." - A Pinky and the Brain Christmas "Using my own patented Jimmy Brain technique, I have already succeeded in purchasing, with no money down, every apartment, condo, and office space on the planet above the 39th floor. We will alter the Hubble Space Telescope so it concentrates the sun's rays on the ice caps, melting them, flooding the entire planet up to the 39th floor, thereby leaving me in control of the only usable real estate on earth." - Fly "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"I think so, Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking -- I mean, what would the children look like?"
        - The Brain and Pinky,

"I mean, really, when have I ever been pondering what you've been pondering? So, what are the chances that this time, I'm pondering what you're pondering?"
"Next to nil."
"Well, that's exactly what I'm thinking, too."
"Therefore, you *are* pondering what I'm pondering..."
        - Pinky and The Brain


"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration."
        - Peter recites his Litany against Fear

"Come on little buddy, let's get that crazed surgeon to switch our heads back."
        - Jim to Peter, after a stunt misfires, "Trout!"

"Never in my years....Have I seen SUCH GLORY!!! Even my T-Shirt pays homage!"
        - Jim, on seeing the World's Biggest Scab, "Trout!"

"I don't think it's meant to be eaten Jim, I think it's meant to anchor down ships in a heavy storm."
        - Peter, as Jim takes on some nutlog, "Trout!"

"Wow... A Dream Sequence... GROOVY!! Bring on the dancin' girls!"
        - Jim, during his 'vision' of the Fur Bearin' Trout, "Trout!"

"The day has just begun already your mind has snapped like a dry and brittle twig."
        - Peter, hearing of Jim's vision, "Trout!"

"My candied apple of ecstacy, dangling over a pit of rabid lawyers! The horror! THE HORROR! Hey, she's wearing that outfit I got her for Christmas last year. Aww."
"Help me Earthworm Jim.You are my only hope. Help me Earthworm Jim. You are my only hope. Help me Earthworm Jim.You are my only hope..."
"Okay okay! I get the idea! GEEZE! Like I need MORE pressure!"
        - Jim's reaction to Princess What's Her Name's Leia-like plea for help, "Trout!"

"Not now Peter, I'm laughing at fate."
        - Jim, "Trout!"

"Fools! These are supposed to be homework assignments! They must be impossible! I am the source of all true evil"
        - Evil the Cat, supervising the manufacture of Evil[tm] things, "Trout!"

"Whas wrong with yer li'l friend?"
"He had a bad experience with a vacuum cleaner."
"What happened?"
"He gained intelligence."
"Whoa. Good thing tha ne'er happened to me!"
        - Walt Fat-Lad, and Jim, while Peter starts his 'I must not fear' chant

"I challenge you to a game of chess!"
"Alright alright....Union rules say I must take yer challenge.....Whaddya want, white or black?"
        - Professor Monkey-for-a-Head & the Tin Reaper

Professor: "What do the little horsey guys do?"
Tin Reaper: "Beats me."
Professor: "To heck with that! Let's just flip a coin!"
        - The game begins...

(Peter) "Um, Jim.....Are you sure you know what *Secret* Hideout' means?"
(Jim, with a bit of a blank look on his face): "What's your point, fuzzbuddy?"

"I remember it as if it were yeterday... yesterday... yesterday..."
"It was yesterday!"
"Quiet you! I'm setting up a flashback!"
        - The Professor and Psycrow, "Bring Me The Head of Earthworm Jim"

"Better than pro-wrestling"
        - Peter, popcorn in mouth, watching Jim & the Princess dance, "Queen What's Her Name"

"By the powers vested in me by the voices in my head"
        - The Archbug performs a wedding ceremony, "Queen What's Her Name"

"Without Christmas, the US economy will collapse, anarchy will reign everywhere, and I WON'T GET MY PONY!"
        - Jim, "For Whom the Jingle Bell Tolls"

"Good job we reinforced the door after the incident with the old lady from UNICEF."
        - Peter, keeping Evil the Cat at bay, "The Book of Doom"

"Get quart of milk — done. Return videos — done. Punish Henchrat — done.
Go to dry cleaners — done. Destroy entire universe — hmm."
        - Evil the Cat goes through his to do list, "The Book of Doom"

"Now I shall destroy the universe!"
"Ah what we do then boss?"
"Hmm I hadn't really thought about it actually. Gloat I suppose, cackle wickedly, that sort of thing."
        - Evil the Cat on the edge of total victory\annihilation, "The Book of Doom"

"History will remember me as the cat who destroyed the universe! Eh... except that there won't be any historians..."
        - Evil the Cat realising that quests come with downsides, "The Book of Doom"

"And now we visit the planet Hex, where we find Evil The Cat worshipping at the altar of evil"
"I'm only watching TV"
"… same thing"
        - The Narrator talks to us & Evil the Cat

"Will Jim and Peter be devoured by the killer ants? Will Psycrow destory the world? Will the US ever adopt the Metric system? I think not."
        - The Narrator

"I see a tall, dark stranger in... a yellow space suit? And a big worm with a ray gun? The heck? Sorry dear, but this thing seems to be picking up some fabulously entertaining cartoon. [Psycrow and Jim run by] And all this time I thought I was a fraud..."
        - Fortune Teller, "Sword of Righteousness"

"Oh, so the Narrator's too good for our predictible story-stucture, eh?"
        - Jim, "The Wizard of Ooze"

"Eww... it's a good thing the sidekick's union has a comprehensive medical plan."
        - Jim, as another potential sidekick fails to measure up, "Sidekicked"

"Plan B: Senseless terror!"
        - Jim, running away quite quickly, "Sidekicked"

"We're DOOMED, DOOMED I tell ya! DOOMED, from the middle english meaning 'condemned to ruination or death'! DOO-MED!!
        - Jim

"Morning neighbor!"
"Morning hideous freak of nature."
        - Jim greets a neightbour, "Assault and Battery"

"When's the last time you had that suit cleaned?"
"Let's see... approximately never. What's your point?"
        - Peter and Jim

"Face your doom, spineless worm thingy!"
"Was that suppose to be an insult? I really don't have a spine ya know."
        - Psycrow and Jim

"Earthworm Jim! I shall destroy you!"
"Now Bob, you promised if we let you play poker with us you wouldn't destroy anyone."
"Alright, but if you don't stop winning I ain't responsible."
        - Bob the Killer Goldfish and Jim

"Earthworm Jim! Through the soil he did crawl! Earthworm Jim! A super suit did fall!
Jim was just a dirt eating chewy link of worm flesh but all that came to a crashing end, ha ha ha!
Earthworm Jim! He's such a groovy guy! Earthworm Jim! He rockets through the sky!
Crusin' through the universe havin' lots of fun here comes Earthworm Jim you know he's the mighty one!
Despite his great big muscles and his really big ray gun
Jim is still an earthworm but then he's the only one with a supersuit that makes him really super strong
Jim can be winner only if we all sing along!
Earthworm Jim! We think he's mighty fine! Earthworm Jim! A hero for all time!
Earthworm, Earthworm, Earthworm Earthworm Jim! Hooray for Jim!"
        - Theme Song for the Series


"Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it."

"I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me."

"I have been Foolish and Deluded, and I am a Bear of No Brain at All."

"It's very hard to be brave when you're only a very small animal."

"It's today!" said Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.


"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh.
"What do you say, Piglet?" "I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best--", and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called.

"And how are you?" said Winnie-the-Pooh. Eeyore shook his head from side to side. "Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to felt at all how for a long time."

"One can't complain. I have my friends. Someone spoke to me only yesterday."

- Eeyore # FUTURAMA

"Next, 'New New York in Crisis.' Morbo?"
"Thanks, human female. Puny Earthlings were shocked today to learn that a ball of garbage will destroy their pathetic city of New New York."
"Makes me glad we live here in Los Angeles."
"Morbo agrees."
*both laugh cheerfully*
        - Female anchorwoman & Morbo, the alien newsreader (the alien Jeremy Paxman?)

"All in all, this is one day Mittens the kitten won't soon forget."
"Kittens give Morbo gas. In lighter news, the city of New New York is doomed.
Blame rests with known human Professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny, inferior brain."
        - Female anchorwoman & Morbo, the alien newsreader

Morbo : "Morbo will now introduce tonights Presidential candidates. Puny human
number 1, puny human number 2 and Morbo's good friend Richard Nixon."
Nixon : "Hello, Morbo, how's the family?"
Morbo : "Belligerent and numerous."
Nixon : "Good man. Nixon is pro-war and pro-family!"

"They're great! They're like sex except I'm having them."
        - Fry

"You're a superhero? That's wonderful! But did you have to make the costume so revealing?"
        - Leela 'comes out' to her parents

"Who are you and why should I care?"
        - Bender

"I can't stand idly by while poor people eat free food. We gotta start charging for these."
        - Bender

"Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The 'x' makes it sound sexy."
        - Bender

"Second place! That's just a fancy word for loser!"
        - Bender

"What did you say?"
"I said you two don't dress trampy enough."
        - Leela and Amy surprise Bender

"Are you alright?"
"Nothing a lawsuit won't cure."
        - Leela and Bender

"Get off my property!"
"You can't own property man!"
"Yes I can, because I'm not a penniless hippy!"
         - Professor Farnsworth encounters a Hippy

"Some say I'm robbing the cradle, but I say she's robbing the grave."
        - Professor Farnsworth has a new friend

"It's the apocalypse alright! I always knew I'd have a hand in it."
        - Professer Farnsworth

"With my last breath I curse Zoidberg!"
        - Professer Farnsworth, not wasting his last breath

"If it is alien, we must destroy it!"
"Um, sir..."
"Right. Nobody destroy Kif."
        - Zapp Brannigan and Kif, "Futurama"

"Hey, my girlfriend had one of those. Actually, it wasn't hers, it was her dad's. Actually, she wasn't my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains."
"Fry, remember what I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?"
        - Fry and Leela, "Futurama"

"You can't eat dolphins."
"They're intelligent."
"Not this one. He blew all his money at cards."
         - Leela and Bender

"Wait. What am I saying? If I poach this beast's lower horn, am I any better than that ranger with his demented foot lust? Yes... but not by enough."
        - Lrrr, dealing with an ethical dilemma

"Hey, which crazy things happening here are you guys screaming about?"
        - Fry, beset by chaos

"You mean we travelled through time?"
"Yes. Some idiot must have put metal in the microwave."
        - Bender and Professor Farnsworth

"If, for instance, you killed your grandfather you would cease to exist."
"But existing is all I basically do!"
        - Professor Farnsworth and Fry, on the perils of time travel

"And so life returned to normal, well, as normal as life gets on this planet populated by psychotic apes."
        - Nibbler, revealing his true nature

"Every book in this library is a mental world."
        - The Giant Brain Spawn battles Fry, as the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance

"Fry! Don't be a hero! It's not covered by the health plan."
        - Hermes, ever the bureaucrat

"Your body was badly damaged in the crash."
"How badly?"
"That's it over there."
        - Dr Zoidberg and Fry

You don't have to be crazy to mutter to yourself here but it helps.
        - Sign in the Asylum for Insane Robots

"Awww, he looks like a little insane drunken angel."
        - Amy, as Fry sleeps off the effects of drinking like a robot

Leela: "I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can."
Professor: "You're going to do his laundry?"
<Amy slaps the Professor>
<Leela kisses Fry>

"One of the great things in the future, there's going to be 5,000 networks, but UPN will still be in last place... The NRA is still around, but they're now crusading for the right to bear death rays... The Simpsons is still on in the year 3000, but the fans on the Internet are complaining that the last 500 years haven't been as good."
        - Matt Groening, on the world of "Futurama"


"Dear MacGyver, enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip and a drinking straw, please save my dog."
        - Peter, "Family Guy"

"You got anything on that remote lower than mute?"
        - Brian (the dog), "Family Guy"

"Meg start reading at Pslam 41 and don't stop! The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!"
"Peter what on earth are you doing?"
"The boy is speaking in tounges Lois! The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!"
"Peter stop it! He's not possesed!"
"Yeah he's just talking street. A lot of kids do it."
       - The Griffin family drive home, "Family Guy"

"My, my, what a thumping good read. Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two by fours. I'll say, you won't find that in 'Winnie the Pooh'."
        - Stewie gets his hands on The Bible, "Family Guy"

"I feel so deliciously white trash. Mommy, I want a mullet!"
        - Stewie, "Family Guy: To Live and Die in Dixie"

"Look over there, it's a newly married interracial gay couple burning the American flag."
        - Brian, distracting the angry mob, "Family Guy: To Live and Die in Dixie"

"This is a story of love and loss, fathers and sons... and the foresight to retain international merchandising rights."
        - Peter, about to tell the story of "Star Wars: A New Hope"

"Hold your fire, there's no lifeforms aboard."
"Hold your fire? What, are we paying by the laser now?"
        - From the bridge of an Imperial Star Destroyer

"I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie."
        - Peter as Han Solo

"Ancient archeological evidence indicates that Ireland was a much different place before the discovery of alcohol."
        - Peter brings Chris to learn about his Irish heritage, "Family Guy"

"This is quite a country, Brian. You know Ireland has more drunks per capita than people."
"Oh that's a negative stereotype. I don't think the Irish drink as much as people say they do."
[Plane lands on runway covered entirely in empty beer bottles]
        - Peter and Brian arrive in Ireland

Wifey McBeaty's Tavern.
        - Peter and Brian visit an Irish bar

"When you guys fall, does it make a sound?"
"Are you kidding? Scott fell last week and he hasn't shut up about it since."
        - Peter has a conversation with a tree, "Family Guy"

"Heavens! You don't so much speak the language as chew on it and spit it out."
        - Stewie, meeting a Cockney, "Family Guy"

"Cleveland, you're the boss because of your attention to detail. Like when we play pool, you take so long to line up your shots I just want to crack you with a cue stick. But I don't because that would be a hate crime, and I love you."
        - Peter, "Family Guy"

"Good God! I've been adopted by a Benetton ad!"
        - Stewie, in a multi-racial foster home, "Family Guy"

"Stewie, would you like to learn how to wrap a turban?"
"Why don't you teach it to the Chinese girl? Or perhaps she can learn after her people invade your country... And try and stop Pablo's people from using drug money to buy arms from Li's countrymen..."
        - Stewie, recreating the world's disputes in the foster home, "Family Guy"

"I have squandered my munitions budget on that insipid Rugrats video!"
        - Stewie, balancing taking over the world with growing up, "Family Guy"

"Do you have those round metal things that you bury in the ground and, when stepped on, they explode?"
"Land mines?"
        - Peter, trying to sort out his home security, "Family Guy"

"I can't believe they're brainwashing kids like Chris to serve in the military."
"Ah, yes. The bottom 10% of our high school class is off to fight another battle."
"You stole that from 'The Onion'."
        - Brian and Stewie, "Family Guy"

"All right, you can do this, Brian. Come on, pray with me. Dear Lord... just stay out of our way."
        - Stewie with a prayer to help Brian, "Family Guy"

"You must be a parking ticket, cos you got fine written all over you"
        - Quagmire, trying another line on "Family Guy"

"Warm fuzzy nice nice! What good is science if no one gets hurt?"
        - Professor Chrome Dome, at the Mad Scientist's Convention, "The Tick"

"Christ in heaven, look at yourself! You're built like a sensible shoe! You shouldn't be jumping around in a body-sock fighting crime!"
"Well, I haven't actually fought any crime yet."
"Good — keep it that way! Crime fights back!"
        - Mr. Fishladder and Arthur, "The Tick: Live Action"

"Herein you see the power of the suit. Women cannot resist the suit. Men cannot resist the suit. Dogs—"
"Yeah, I get it. So you think she's only talking to me because of the suit?"
"I am only talking to you because of the suit."
        - Batmanuel and Arthur, "The Tick: Live Action"

"You're not going crazy Arthur, you're going sane in crazy world!"
        - The Tick

"I don't know the meaning of the word 'surrender'...well, I know it, I'm not dumb, just not in this context."
        - The Tick

"Well, Tick, we'd like to say that on our planet we're considered beautiful, but really, we're dogs."
        -  The What Aliens, "The Tick"

"Red Claw — a woman?!?"
"Do you have a problem with that?"
"Not at all, I'm an equal opportunities crime fighter."
        - Batman and Red Claw, from the Dark Knight cartoon

"These cliffhangers are tough on the nerves."
        - The "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles", with a plea to the writers

"But why from a garbage heap?"
"Because this is the site he chose for the trans-dimensional convergence! I think he did it just to annoy me."
        - Baxter and Shredder, "TMHT"

"I can't stand just sitting here in the dark not knowing what's happening!"
"That's because you're usually sitting in the light not knowing what's happening."
        - Shredder and Krang, "TMHT"

"What's a cat doing up here?"
"Probably asking that same question about four turtles!"
        - Leonardo and Raphael, "TMHT"

"You know, pal, if I had a face like yours, I'd try and make up for it with some sort of personality."
        - Raphael to Tatsu, "TMHT"

"Don't you guys think of anything except pizza?"
"Not unless we have to."
        - April to the Turtles, "TMHT: The Movie"

"Hey which of you lovely ladies gets to ride with me tonight?"
"Dream on, Dweeb."
"Okay, and when I do I'll dream of someone a little thinner."
        - Keno chats up the wrong girl, "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles II"

"The rat is the cleanest one."
        - April, fed up with her roommates, "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles II"

"Babies! They're babies!"
"What did you expect? They'd come out quoting 'Macbeth'?"
        - Shredder and Professor Perry, breeding a new generation, "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles II"

"You have youth, and I have experience. But only those who fight now have both."
        - Splinter, sitting one out with Keno, "Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles II"

"These guys must have some sort of cloaking devices!"
"Cloaking devices!? What are they? Klingons?"
        - Raphael and Casey Jones, "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"

"Are they ninjas?"
"Well, they are certainly ninja-esque."
        - The "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" realise they are not the only ninjas in town

"Note to self: I've just encountered a large, bipedal, talking turtle. Schedule a meeting with my psychiatrist for next thursday."
        - Professor Quease, refusing to believe his eyes in "TMNT: The Next Mutation"

Professor Greenback and his fiendish accomplices are getting on with…complicated fiendishes
        - The Narrator, "DangerMouse"

"We were nearly blown to smithereens there Penfold"
"Oh, I wouldn't have minded, I've never been to Ireland"
        - Penfold, demonstrates his knowledge of English & of Irish Geography

"Can you not talk to me because you love me, or because you've just been trampled by a herd of reindeers?"
        - Donner (Jane Horrocks) to Robbie (Ardal O'Hanlon), "Robbie the Reindeer: Hooves of Fire"

"The penguins are going, so why can't I?"
"Marty, the penguins are psychotic."
        - Marty the Zebra and Alex the Lion, "Madagascar"

"I'm gonna kill you, Marty! And strangle you! Then I'm gonna bury you, then dig you up and clone you, and kill all your clones!"
"20-second time-out!"
"And then I'm never talking to you again!"
        - Alex and Marty, "Madagascar"

"This is what all these environmentalists should be doing, finding ways for one form of nature to kill other forms of nature that are inconvenient to man."
        - Hank, "King Of The Hill"

"This is crazy! Why are we talking about going to bed with Wilma Flintstone ...she'll never leave Fred and we know it."
        - Lister, "Red Dwarf"

"Not for real-real, just for play-play."
        - Foxxy Love, "Drawn Together"

"That's Debbie! I'd recognise those screams anywhere."
        - Johnny, on the trail of Jack the Ripper, "Celebrity Deathmatch"

"Hi I'm... I'm sorry. I'm terrible with names. I'm the bald guy married to what's her name."
        - from the "Metro's" This Life cartoon

"Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement."
        - Snoopy

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?" Then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up."

 - Charlie Brown "You should exercise Garfield."
"I'm already so tired it hardly seems necessary..." - Garfield, after a strenuous nap "I don't exist to serve you!"
"Sad... so your life has no meaning at all..."

        - Jon and Garfield, "Garfield"

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry'

- Gary Larson, The Far Side Miss, may I be excused? My brain is full now -The Far Side So now welcome our keynote speaker, Professor Melvin Fenwick - the man who, back in 1952, first coined the now-famous phrase: "Fools! I'll destroy them all!" - The Mad Scientists Covention,"The Far Side" Sorry, your highness, but you're really not the dictator of Ithuania, a small European republic. In fact, there is no Ithuania. The hordes of admirers, the military parades, this office - we faked it all as en experiment in human psychology. In fact, your highness, your real name is Edward Belcher, you're from Long Island, New York, and it's time to go home, Eddie. Professor Ferrington and his controversial theory that dinosaurs were actually the discarded "chicked" bones of giant, alien picnickers. "Dan, I'm not a republic serial villain. Do you seriously think I'd explain my masterstroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I did it 35 minutes ago."
        - Ozymandius, Watchmen #11

"How does the prisoner plead?"
"Cerebus *demands* that you release him or he'll call upon his dark masters to turn you into a flock of pious pink toads..."
"That's not a half-bad defence."
        - Black Magikin

You have to remember now that a lot of funny meteorites were coming down back then. A lot of guys were getting weird powers and stuff.
        - The Red Mask

CTHULHU FOR PRESIDENT IN 1996 - Why settle for the lesser evil?
        - Christopher Bird

"Proper revenge will require some rare items, good ol' american know-how, and cracker-jack timing. I'll need Jack's PC mother-board, the brainstem of a recently dead human, and some 5/8 inch flathead screws."
"Have you lost your mind? It's 10:30 on a friday night! Where am I gonna get 5/8 inch flathead screws at this hour?"
        - Mr. Tickles and CJ, "Fuzzy Logic"

"Ned, you're not even Jewish."
"Well, then Rabbi Cold Hands at my circumcision has some serious explaining to do."
        - Mr. Tickles and Ned, "Fuzzy Logic"

"The battle between Evil and Evil."
        - Fuzzy Logic comic strip title

When I was a boy, our house was filled with monsters. They lived in the closets, under the beds, in the attic, in the basement, and - when it was dark - just about everywhere. This book is dedicated to my father, who kept me safe from all of them.
        - Gary Larson, Farside creator

When I was 15, we had one of those things where you do a battery of tests and then they bring a careers advisor in to talk to you about careers, and the careers advisor said, "What do you want to do?" And I said, "I want to write American comics." And there was a very, very, very long pause. And then he said, "Well, how do you go about doing that?" And I said, "Well, you're the careers advisor, I thought you were gonna tell me." And there was another really, really, really long pause, and then he looked at me rather desperately and said, "Have you ever thought about accountancy?"
       - Neil Gaiman, In a radio interview, on "To The Best Of Our Knowledge"


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