It's Doctor Evil. I didn't go to Evil School for 6 years to be called Mister.

[Holding his cat, "Mr. Bigglesworth."]
"When I get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset... people die! "

- Dr.Evil ~

[Returning Austin's personal property after reanimating him.]

Guard: One Swedish-made penis enlarger.
Austin: [to Vanessa] It's not mine.
Guard: One credit card receipt signed by Austin Powers.
Austin: I'm telling ya baby that's not mine.
Guard: One warranty card filled out by Austin Powers.
Austin: I'm telling ya baby that's not mine. Those things aren't my bag, baby.
Guard: One book, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me, And Those Are My Bag Baby," written by Austin Powers.

"No, Austin the cold war is over."
"Ah good. Now those capitalist swine can get what they deserve, eh comrades?"

[On being told that the West has won the Cold War]
"Groovy. Smashing. Yea, capitalism! "

 - Austin & Basil Exposition Dr. Evil: Scott, I want you to meet daddy's nemesis, Austin Powers
Scott Evil: What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?
Dr. Evil: I have an even better idea. I'm going to place him in an easily ecapable situation involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.

[Dr. Evil has left Austin and Vanessa to their doom.]
Scott Evil: Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!
Dr. Evil: No, no, no. I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying. I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. ...What?

Scott : I don't know...I was thinkin' I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
Dr. Evil : An evil vet?
Scott : No, more like a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil : An evil petting zoo.
Scott : You always do that!

Scott Evil: "I don't think he likes me. I think he wants to kill me.
Therapist: He doesn't really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.
Dr. Evil: No actually the boy is very astute. I really do want to kill him.

"Oh Austin, that's you in a nutshell."
"No, this is me in a nutshell: "Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this nutshell?"


"You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with freakin' laser beams attached to their heads. Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here! "

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. ~

There are two things in this world that I hate: People who are intolerant of other peoples' cultures. And the Dutch.

        - Austin Powers, "Goldmember"

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