Helping people is never more rewarding than when it's in your own self-interest.
"Georgia, give me your shoe. Why would a grown person wear these? They are hugely uncomfortable, make it easier to fall, cause back problems, but, hey -- call it fashion. What kind of person would spend an equivalent of two years painting her face and plucking out her eyebrows, and putting silicone or saline in her chest? There is a name for this kind of person, 'woman'. Why? Because, we 'men' like it. Don't talk to me about equality. Don't tell me you aren't disabled."
"Unisex studies show it helps men and women employees breed familiarity, so long as they don't come in to just breed." - Richard, on the unisex toilets
"Having a child is a selfish thing. Couples don't walk around wanting to give life. They say, we want a child. We want, we want. It is a selfish thing, a good selfish. Selfish." - Richard, to Georgia
"Personally, I hate sexual harassment laws. The original force behind them were disgruntled lesbians who felt they were not given the same opportunities. Along with ugly women, who are jealous of pretty women who got all the breaks in the work force. My cause to action is simple, women are victims. They need special help. Look, at the evolution of these sexual harassment laws. What we are really saying is women really should qualify under the Federal Disablity Act. They are less able. They cannot cope with romance in the office. They cannot contend with having to do a job and have a man smile at them. It is too much. Look where we use to be, first quid pro quo, then hostile enviorment, and now Sienfeld episodes. Women can't take it they bruise too easily. The laws are here to protect the weak and most vulernable in society. She is woman, protect her!"
"Love is an equation, a me and a you derives a we."
"Never trust a second thought. Where there is two there is three. You will end up thinking forever."
"Personal questions don't bother me. I just lie."
"How do these things
just spew out of your head like this? Couldn't you at least use your brain
as a filter?"
"That remark would hurt if I had feelings."
"I hate to pull ranks, but this is the kind of case where having female litigants is a plus, we owe it to Ling to extend our best efforts, not to mention this is a client with whom I'm still trying to reach sexual fruition, for once I'll ask you to think about someone other than yourselves, can you do that?"
It’s not easy to meet women. Sure I can walk into a bar and buy a lady a drink and under the pretext of a perhaps budding relationship seduce her into satisfying my sexual needs, but that goes against my grain to deceive another person no matter what the personal gratification. So I thought it more honest to solicit a prostitute.
"There's just so many ways he wasn't you... right! Wasn't right." - Ally to Billy
"Sometimes I'm tempted to become a street person, cut off from society. But then I wouldn't get to wear my outfits." - Ally
"I have a great imaginary world, but sometimes I just need things to happen." - Ally
"I live my life as one big Christmas Eve, and it makes me happy, happy, happy!" - Ally
"It can't last forever, of course not. But who made up the rule that the best loves do?"
- Ally, after Ling's speech, "Just Looking"
"She makes eyes at me. She's either drawn to me, or I puzzle her. Could be both."
- John, about Nelle
"You said Ling hard L, hard G. It's Ling soft L, soft G."
- Ling advises on pronunciation of her name
"Doesn't anything nice come out of your mouth?"
- Georgia, to Ling
"Men are supposed to pounce when they're interested."
"Hel-lo! They pounce on the wrong girls. When it's the right girl, they turn into bumbling little chickens."
In this episode Ling, as owner of a mud-wrestling club, is being sued by MOPE (Mothers Opposed to Pornographic Entertainment), who are trying to shut the club down. Nelle is defence attorney:
Ling: The idea that
it degrades women is ridiculous. Every woman wants to be thought of as
desirable. Imagine, they can go home at night and say "Even in mud, I look
Nelle: You have to admit this activity does objectify them?
Nelle: Ling, how can it not be a little degrading, women stranding around in bathing suits ? Guys whooping?
Ling: First, the women there make nearly a hundred thousand dollars a year. How? These drunken Neanderthals hurl money at them. Go into that club. You come out with a lower opinion of men, trust me.
Nelle: That could be true, but these girls do make that money with their bodies.
Ling: They make it, by teasing men with something they'll never get their hands on. That goes to the very essence of a woman.
Nelle: Excuse me?
Ling: Sex is a weapon. We all use it, we tease, we tantalize, we withhold it, something we do in almost every walk of life, be it marriage, business... God gave us that advantage by giving men the dumb stick.
Attorney: So as a woman you see nothing wrong with putting out naked girls in a ring, rubbing mud on their breasts for the sole purpose of titillating men?
Attorney: Nothing at all ?
Ling: Suppose we put them in a ring as boxers, and cheer for one to knock the other unconscious, would that be better?
Attorney: You're comparing boxing to mud-wrestling ?
Ling: Of course not. Boxing is worse, talk about reducing people, let's pay two men to beat on each other, how rich!
Attorney: Have you ever met any women in your club ?
Ling: Why should I?
Attorney: Never bothered to check out their backgrounds, find out why it is their living is based on sexual desires?
Ling: It would be hypocritical for me to ask, it would suggest I care.
Attorney: Maybe a few of them feel like they have little choice. Perhaps for some it represents their only choice.
Ling: Well, then how lucky they are to have you to take that choice away! With feminists like you, who needs chauvinism?
Richard: Once a man
hits puberty, he gets the sense he'll forever be part idiot It's debilitating,
it hurts. These strip clubs, you go, you look around, you see the women,
and then you see all the men, and you realize you're not alone. The room
is full of idiots! It makes us feel better.
Judge: And that's important?
Richard: To be honest, yes. It's liberating. You grow up hiding in your closet with a flashlight, a copy of Playboy, trying not to get the pages sticky. You wonder if you're some kind of deviant. Fear of being a pervert, it can drive you to be isolated, perhaps anti social, you don't fit in, you go to work at the post office, you just don't belong, you're different, the insecurity festers into neurosis, all the while, you're normal and you don't know it ! You go to this club, you see normal. These places aren't just sex shops, they stand to preserve our mental health!
This external site hosts a full transcript of the episode.
# QUOTES ABOUT THE SHOW
"We have been together
from practically the first day we met. She soon established I'd not seen
a single episode of 'Ally McBeal'."
- Harrison Ford, talking about his then girlfriend Calista Flockhart
Calista Flockhart has
big-time theater credentials and has been in a handful of movies -- she
was the bride-to-be in "The Birdcage" -- but TV is different. She's in
millions of homes every week. If Flockhart can plead ignorance about the
stares, she can't ignore the weirder side effects of TV stardom. Mainly
there's the perception that Ally is real, or at least a symbolic spear
carrier for all of young womanhood. Movies rarely carry this strange burden,
but TV does. So Ally McBeal is admired, but also examined for missteps
as she wends her way through modern love and office labor. And the character,
to the credit of Flockhart and series creator David E. Kelley, is spectacularly
erratic under pressure. Wonder Woman she isn't... Nor if Flockhart can
help it, will Ally be stuck with the onerous label of Role Model. Thing
is, Flockhart really can't help it.
- John Carman, interviewing Calista Flockhart for "The San Francisco Chronicle"
# QUOTES FROM OTHER DAVID E. KELLEY SHOWS
"Oh my god! We don't
know whether he's guilty or innocent. I hate that."
- Denny Crane (William Shatner) after his client is acquitted, "Boston Legal"
"You wanna run that
by me again?"
"We have a group of complaining parents. They’re suing their elementary school over
the Halloween pageant. In particular? They don’t like the witch. There are two groups of parents who
are upset? One is Christian; the other group is uh… well…"
"Did you say witches?"
"I said witches."
"Which group does the firm represent?"
"Well, actually, both."
- Shirley Schmidt and Denise Bauer, "Boston Legal"
"I believe in evolution.
Who here today, after watching the presidential debates, could deny that
we evolved from monkeys?"
- Shirley Schmidt, "Boston Legal"
"You would agree, Mr.
Mayor, that, by and large, vegetarians are communists?"
"I certainly would not."
"We're at war, Mr. Bostwick. Think we can win that war if we suddenly say to our soldiers, "No more meat." Think a nation of fish-eaters can protect the world, you wimp?"
- Denny and Mayor Bostwick, "Boston Legal"
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Same
team. Same team!"
- Denny, fending off a joking pass from Alan, "Boston Legal"
"It's no use. Nothing
interests me anymore—"
"Construction worker Russell Blayney arrested for attempted murder for setting a bobby trap in
his home to catch burglars.... leaving us all with the question: Russell Blayney: Victim or Vigilante?"
"That case! I want that case."
- Denny, getting his mojo back watching the local news, "Boston Legal"
"May I ask what we're
pleading. It seems self-defense—"
"Don't like that kind of thinking. Defense of self. You gotta strike first. Prempt 'em. What they say in the news? Victim or vigilante? It's neither. This is Russell Blayney, hero!"
"You wanna try this case in the press?"
"Exactly. We gotta grab the public's... attention. The story. Character. Narrative. We have to create our own reality. You! Young punk. You must know computers. Set up a website — one of those blobs. Justice for Russell Blayney! And you, Denise, you'll be my second. You look good on camera."
- Denise and Denny, "Boston Legal"
"I took the initiative
and created a brand. Russell Blayney: American Homeowner."
- Denny brings in a PR expert, "Boston Legal"
"There are no facts
anymore. Only good and bad fiction."
- Denny, "Boston Legal"
"I realized the truth
about myself. I just love power."
"Well it seems to have a thing for you aswell."
- Denny and Alan, "Boston Legal"
"Anybody who truly
loves this country Denny, has to at least try to understand the awful truth
"One of the reasons it’s happening over there is so it won’t happen here."
- Alan Shore and Denny Crane, discussing the Iraq war, "Boston Legal"
"Most of the Democrats
voted for this war. John Kerry voted for it. Hilary Clinton voted for it.
And now suddenly it becomes unpopular, say what you will about Republicans,
we stick to our convictions even
when we know we’re dead wrong."
"Some might say especially then."
- Denny Crane and Alan Shore, "Boston Legal"
"Massachusetts is a
Blue State. God has no place here!"
- Denny Crane, "Boston Legal"
"Don't fall for her
Alan. She's just a guest star."
- Melissa to Alan about Chelina
"There's no way we're
gonna win this, is there?"
"Legally, yes there is. As for accomplishing your goals? No."
- Shriley and Alan, "Boston Legal", trying to suppress some compromising photos
"Do you know I even
have memories of her that aren't sexual?"
- Denny, recalling a lost love, "Boston Legal"
"What's the big deal?
I've had naked photos of Shirley for years."
"Denny, she's asleep in all of these."
"Here's one where she woke up. Have you ever seen a beautiful naked woman look that angry?"
- Denny and Alan, "Boston Legal"
"Oh please, if there
were new guys, they would have shown up in the season premiere."
- Denny to Jeffrey and Claire on "Boston Legal"
"If they’re regular
viewers, they know by now, anything goes."
- Alan to Denny on "Boston Legal"
"I once captained my
- Denny Crane (William Shatner) to a media mob on "Boston Legal"
"I watched ‘Boston
Legal’ nine times before I realized it wasn’t a new ‘Star Trek.’"
- Tracy to Liz on "30 Rock"
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