LESSONS
Dawn: He's new. He doesn't know his strength. He might not know all those fancy martial arts skills they inevitably seem to pick up.
Buffy: You're a little
girl.
Dawn: Woman.
Buffy: Little woman.
Dawn: I'm taller than
you!
Willow: Is there anything
you don't know everything about?
Giles: Synchronized
swimming. Complete mystery to me.
Xander: How are you?
Buffy: My sister's
about to go to the same high school that tried to kill me for three years,
I can't change districts, I can't afford private school, and I can't begin
to prepare her for what could possibly come out of there.
Buffy: This place is
evil.
Principal Wood: Tough
to let 'em go, huh?
Dawn: Favorite activities include not ever having to do this again.
Halfrek: Waitress downtown
wished her husband was a frog... you made him French!
Anya: Well, he's smelly,
and with a little mustache.
Spike: Buffy... duck.
Buffy: Duck? There's
a duck?
Spirit of Evil: And that's where we're going... right back to the beginning. Not the bang... not the word. The true beginning.
BENEATH YOU
Buffy: I heard screaming.
Dawn: That was you.
Buffy: There was a
girl.
Dawn: That would be
me.
Xander: Outside of drugs and violence and unwanted pregnancy, and unleashing of hordes of Armageddon that comes pouring out of the school's foundation every now and then, what troubles could these kids have?
Dawn: You guys really
need to ease up with the whole dating demons thing.
Buffy: Uh, hello,
I'm sorry - wasn't that you having the smoochathon with teen vampire last
Halloween?
Dawn: See, this is
why I don't want you talking to my friends.
Nancy: Is there anyone here that hasn't slept together?
SAME TIME SAME PLACE
Anya: I thought you were with Giles studying how to not kill people?
Buffy: I gotta get a job where I don't get called right away for this stuff.
Willow: Will you help
me?
Anya: Is it difficult
or time consuming?
Gnarl: Lock you in, nice white skin. And if they do return, where would they find you? Inside me you'll already be.
HELP
Buffy: I don't usually
get a heads-up before somebody dies.
Principal Wood: What
do you mean, "usually"?
Willow: Have you Googled
her yet?
Xander: Willow, she's
17!
Willow: It's a search
engine.
Willow: I even posted
a melodramatic love poem or two back in the day.
Xander: Love poems?
Willow: I'm over you
now, sweetie.
Mike: She's a girl, right? Making boys crazy is, like, her job description.
Buffy: Spike?
Spike: I'm here to
help. No hurting the girl.
SELFLESS
Dawn: My advice to
you is do exactly what everyone else does, at all times.
Willow: Got it.
Dawn: Do what everyone
else does, wear what everyone else wears, say what everyone else says.
Willow: Okay.
Olaf: It is not my fault they don't take kindly to you. You speak your mind and are annoying.
Olaf: Stop! It's Olaf!
Townsman: The troll
is doing an Olaf impersonation!
Olaf: I am Olaf!
Townsman: Hit him
with fruits and various meats!
Aud\Anya: I don't talk to people much. I mean I talk to them, but they don't talk to me except to say that "your questions are irksome" and "perhaps you should take your furs and your literal interpretations to the other side of the river."
Olaf: Come here, tiny man. You are small and toylike.
Aud\Anya: Vengeance.
D'Hoffryn: But only
to those who deserve it.
Aud\Anya: They all
deserve it.
D'Hoffryn: Well, that's
where I was goin' with that, yeah.
D'Hoffryn: Behold D'Hoffryn, lord of Arashmaharr, he that turns the air to blood and rains... Miss Rosenberg. How lovely to see you again. Have you done something with your hair?
D'Hoffryn: He really is quite gallant, I can see what you saw in him.
D'Hoffryn: Haven't I taught you anything, Anya? Never go for the kill when you can go for the pain.
HIM
Xander: You're gonna live in the small room over there. I know it looks like a closet, but it's a room now.
Anya: Willow's not very good with the practical strategizing... except when she's evil.
Cheerleader: A vending machine fell on Cheryl and all you can think about is new cheerleaders?
Buffy: I think he likes
you.
Dawn: Really? Tell
me what he said about me, every word, including intonation and facial expressions.
Anya: I'd kill for
him.
Willow: You'd kill
for a chocolate bar!
CONVERSATIONS WITH DEAD PEOPLE
Willow: I know you.
I mean, I saw your picture.
Cassie: I know, it's
kind of weird, 'cause we never really met.
Willow: Or kind of
weird 'cause you're really dead.
Holden: Clearly, you were in your own little world in high school, all chosen, all destiny. Who could live with that for seven years and not feel superior?
Holden: Oh, well, you
know, not my god, because I defy him and all of his works. Does he exist?
Is there word on that, by the way?
Buffy: Nothing solid.
BRING ON THE NIGHT
Buffy: Giles, this
is bad, isn't it? A new kind of bad.
Giles: Just in time
for Christmas.
Buffy: You know, I
didn't even realize it was December. Maybe when we get home we should decorate
the rubble.
Giles: How do you plan
to research something as ill-defined as the First?
Buffy: I have the
best plan ever... [types "evil" into web search page]
Annabelle: We'll be
armed when the Slayer feels we're ready.
Molly: I feel ready.
Annabelle: You're
frightened. You must learn to control your fear.
Kennedy: Hey, you
know what would help with that? Weapons.
POTENTIAL
Xander: Wait, the seers couldn't find out her name or, like, her address or anything? Am I getting the definition of "seer" wrong?
Dawn: OK, see, that's
why we don't point the weapons in the kitchen.
Vi: It's not loaded.
Dawn: That's always
the lead quote under the headline "Household Crossbow Accident Claims Teen".
Xander (to Andrew): Say Skywalker, and I smack ya.
Vi: It's a demon bar. It's like a gay bar, only with demons.
Xander: Seven years, Dawn. Working with the slayer. Seeing my friends get more and more powerful. A witch. A demon. Hell, I could fit Oz in my shaving kit, but come a full moon, he had a wolfy mojo not to be messed with. Powerful. All of them. And I'm the guy who fixes the windows.
THE KILLER IN ME
Buffy: Will, how much
do you know about the chip?
Willow: Spike's chip?
Well, I remember trying to dig up stuff back then, but, you know, turns
out, when a secret government agency studies vampires and puts chips in
their brains that keep them from hurting people, they don't really build
websites.
Buffy: Well, we'll
fix it. We'll hit serious research mode...
Spike: Good. Try Behavioral
Modification Software Throughout the Ages.
Buffy: OK. You're right.
Not a book thing. It's a phone thing.
Spike: Who you gonna
call? God, that phrase is never gonna be useable again, is it?
Buffy: Doubt it.
Buffy: (on the phone) Oh, is this actually a flower shop, or is this one of those things where I'm supposed to play along to show that I know it's really secret ops? Oh, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Oh, OK, right. Well, if some guy named Finn shows up to buy flowers...
FIRST DATE
Willow: How 'bout yours,
Xander. Is she evil?
Xander: Well, she's
interested in me, so there's a good chance, but I'm hoping for the best.
Spike: Never much cared for picket fences, anyway. Bloody dangerous.
Willow: I've Googled 'til I just can't Google no more.
Giles: Buffy has a
date?
Anya: Yes... Didn't
you hear? Everybody has a date. Buffy has a date. Willow's been completely
making out with this girl...
Kennedy: Hey!
Anya: Xander's out
with some hardware-store-whore. It's Date Fest 2003.
Xander: It can't just
keep happening that demon women find me attractive. There's gotta be a
reason.
Lyssa: You just seem
like a nice guy, that's all. And I wanted to get to know you.
Xander: And kill me?
Lyssa: Sure.
Willow: Oh, it's from
Xander. It's one of our signals.
Amanda: Signals?
Willow: Yeah, the
system we set up a while back. Like codes. Uh, this one's either "I just
got lucky, don't call me for a while" or "my date's a demon who's trying
to kill me."
Kennedy: You don't
remember which?
Willow: It was a long
time ago.
Dawn: Well, if we
play the percentages...
Giles: Something's
eating Xander's head.
GET IT DONE
Spike: I like my plan better. Get up. Get out. Get drunk. Repeat as needed. It's just more elegant.
Buffy: The Hellmouth has begun its semi-annual percolation. Usually it blows around May.
Dawn: Did you know
that ancient Sumerians did not speak English?
Buffy: They're worse
than the French.
Buffy: Aside from getting
rescued, what is it you do?
Anya: I provide much
needed sarcasm.
Xander: Okay, so far, so creepy.
Xander (as demon appears): Ah, this must be the exchange student.
Shadow Man: The first Slayer did not talk so much.
STORYTELLER
Anya: Buffy seems to think that this apocalypse is going to actually be, you know, apocalyptic.
Andrew: Even Willow looks bored, and she usually can take a lot of that stuff.
Wood: You've seen stuff
like this in the high school?
Buffy: Sure. You know,
swim-team monsters, or killer prom-dogs.
<pig shuffles by>
Wood: God, I hope
that's not a student.
Jonathan: I don't deserve this. I wasn't even that evil.
Willow: You put your
old murder weapon in with our utensils?
Andrew: I washed it.
DIRTY GIRLS
Faith: You protecting vampires? Are you the bad Slayer now? Am I the good Slayer now?
Buffy: He has a soul
now.
Faith: You mean like
Angel?
Spike: No! I'm nothing
like Angel.
Buffy: Not exactly.
TOUCHED
Xander: Dear Mr. First, If you want your bringer back... we'll be surprised. You've got 3 million of them. So please disregard this letter.
Spike: I've been alive longer than you and dead longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine. I've done things I prefered you didn't.
Kennedy: I've never been the bait before. It's kinda scary.
END OF DAYS
Kennedy: Are there
more?
Buffy: There's always
more.
Buffy: You can't pick up a bow and arrow and every time you pick up a sword I worry you're going to break one of my lamps.
Xander: If you die, I'll just bring you back to life. It's what I do.
Faith: Thank God we're hot chicks with super powers.
Guardian: I'm sorry,
what was your name?
Buffy: Buffy
Guardian: No, really...
CHOSEN
Buffy (to Angel): Are you going to come back here and go all Dawson on me every time I have a boyfriend?
Andrew: Silly, silly British man.
Giles: Could it be any worse? I used to be a Watcher – now I'm a wounded dwarf with the strength of a doily.
Wood (to Faith): I am sooo much prettier then you.
Andrew: We will defend
it with our very lives.
Anya: Yes, we will
defend it with his very life.
Anya (to Andrew): I just figured you'd be terrified and I'd be sarcastic about it.
Dawn (to Buffy): Anything you say is gonna sound like goodbye.
Buffy: I love you.
Spike: No you don't,
but thanks for saying it.
Spike: I wanna see how it ends.
Xander: How was she?
Andrew: She was...
incredible. She died saving my life.
Xander: That's my
girl, always doing the stupid thing.
Dawn: We destroyed the mall? I fought on the wrong side.
Dawn: So what are we going to do now?
# BEYOND THE SHOW
The Vikings are imbued
with the romance of sea travel and land conquest. The discovery and settlement
of the North Atlantic archipelago launched from the Scandinavian homelands
and bases abroad — itself a feat only made possibly by a highly developed
maritime technology far in advance of that found in other contemporary
northern European societies — is one lasting consequence of the era of
the Viking Empires. The stirring tales associated with their voyages and
the dangers that they faced as they braved the waters of the North Atlantic
have left an indelible mark on the European pysche. From the badges of
British cars to the Germanic operas of Richard Wagner, from the Hollywood
epics of the 1950s to the persoanl history of Anya, the ex-vengeance demon
in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", the image of the Viking and his love of
freedom, individualism and predisposition towards violence have become
an integral part of Western consciousness and culture.
- from the introduction to "Viking Empires"
"I was in Bali, and
I kid you not, the taxi driver called me Buffy."
- Sarah Michelle Gellar, on life after Buffy (2008)
#