The tradition of the toast hearkens back to 17th century England, when the health or success of a new venture was christened by a drink of wine with a piece of toast submerged in it. Over time, we've dispensed with the actual toasted bread, but the intent remains the same.

- Maurice toasts Shelly and Holling In Kyudo philosophy, you don't aim - you become one with the target. Then, in fact, there's nothing to aim at. I find it works well with women, too. Give it a try. - Chris to Maurice 3.2

"Presbyopia is not uncommon in someone in their early 30s."
"I'm not in my 30s. I'm nowhere near 30! I'm 29!"

- Irene the Optometrist to Maggie "Have you ever seen a man with this kind of incredible, irresistible magnetism to the opposite sex?"
"James Bond."
"That's the movies, Ed. Try reality."
"No thanks!"

        - Joel and Ed discuss Chris's "condition"

It's more than sex. I want to go on a walk with her. I want to feed her. I want to read Sendak to her.

- Chris, about Irene "Think about a woman. Doesn't know you're thinking about her.  Doesn't care you're thinking about her.  Makes you think about her even more."

        - Chris, on unrequited affection

"The rejection has been devastating.  It's like an emotional tsunami.  I'm in this excruciating pain.  I feel like I'm losing my mind.  It's great!  Thanks for the experience."

        - Chris, to Irene

"Fleischman, you don't understand anything that's not in a book. Not makeup. Not men. Not me. You haven't a clue."

- An irate Maggie to Joel You said it best, Will. "Love looks not with eye but with the mind, And therefore is the wing'd Cupid painted blind." - Chris on the air, quoting "A Midsummer Night's Dream" 3.3

"You're walking into those woods?! You don't know what's out there."
"I have a gun."
"They don't know that. They see us walking around out there, they think we're with the Sierra Club and THAT's a stick."
"Who's they?"
"I don't know. Wild animals, white supremists, attack bugs."

- Joel and Maggie "Personally, I don't believe in chronological age. Shelly could have an old soul and you could have a young one. In fact, she could even be older than you. Love knows no boundaries, Holling. Age, race, religion, sex. It mows them all down." - Chris to Holling "All we are basically, are monkeys with car keys." - Grandma Woody to Ed 3.5

He's disoriented, and confused, and he's dressed like a loan shark!

- Maggie about J. Fleischman What I really want is to lick her naked body from head to foot like a postage stamp. - Joel to Freud, about Maggie 3.6

Once again, a little P.B.S. proves a dangerous thing.

- Joel to Maggie, on cryogenics "You're a scientist, but more important, you're a New Yorker. You were born with an innate skepticism, a natural sense of superiority in the way of the world." - Maurice to Joel "How can I nap when the course of Western civilization as we know it rests on my shoulders?" - Joel to Marilyn, on diagnosing Pierre's age "We are all just genes. This mortal coil. Nothing more than a vessel by which the gene pool is transported from one flower to the next, and the Vincour gene pool is poisoned." - Holling to Joel "How old am I, O'Connell?"
"Wrong. I'm 4 million years old. I've slept in trees. I've crossed the Negev. I've run from the Cossacks. It's all me." - Joel to Maggie, free-associating "When from a long distant past nothing persists, after the people are dead, after things are broken and scattered, still alone, more persistent, more faithful, the smell and taste of things remain poised a long, long time like souls, ready to remind us, waiting, hoping for their moment amid the ruins of all the rest, and bear unfaltering in the tiny and almost impalpable drop of their essence the vast structure of recollection." - Chris reads from "Remembrance of Things Past" by Marcel Proust 3.7

"The Fleischman *I* know is arrogant, egotistical, self-centered, and a walking smirk!"

- Maggie to Adam "You, on the other hand, will be surrounded by cats. Lots and lots of cats." - Adam to Maggie "It gave us back our past... I couldn't think about my life because I was so hurt and mad at you."

        - Joel to Elaine, discussing their post breakup tryst


Dr. Joel Fleischman, spokesman for majestic animals of the wilderness is going to commit Bambicide?

- Maggie to Joel, as he prepares to go hunting 3.9

"Look. This would be so easy for me. I mean, physically you're like my perfect fantasy. Clearly, the sex would be fabulous. I mean, you're strong, you've got a perfect back; I can just feel my arms and legs wrapped around you. We'd be all over the room and we'd go on for hours and hours...and the kids; oh yeah, I can see that the kids would be incredibly beautiful. But even with all this, it's just not enough. I'm sorry. I want to be happy. That's what I want. I want to be happy."

- Maggie to a handsome stranger 3.10

First of all, Fleischman, my clumsiness is not part of a subconscious agenda.

- Maggie I always admired atheists. I think it takes a lot of faith. - Joel to Ruth Anne A long time ago, the raven looked down from the sky and saw that the people of the world were living in darkness. The ball of light was kept hidden by a selfish old chief. So the raven turned itself into a spruce needle and floated on the river where the chief's daughter came for water. She drank the spruce needle. She became pregnant and gave birth to a boy which was the raven in disguise. The baby cried and cried until the chief gave him the ball of light to play with. As soon as he had the light, the raven turned back into himself and carried the light into the sky. From then on, we no longer lived in darkness. - Marilyn tells the raven tale to Joel 3.11

"Holling, it says here you haven't paid your taxes since 1959."
"Statehood, I voted against it."
"And you've been withholding taxes as a form of political protest?"
"Not exactly. I figured they would let me know if they really needed it."

- Joel refuses to write a medical excuse for Holling 3.13

"I'm not a vanishing breed."
"Well, you're Jewish. That's pretty rare."

- Joel and Ed "Lots of things are rare in Cicely. Boxed lunches, public transportation, victimless crimes. It doesn't mean they don't exist." - Joel to Ed 3.14

"You realize that by flinging this cow, you're going to break every bone in it's body?"
"And the purpose of this is?"
"Create a pure moment."

- Joel and Chris "And then they hurl this cow right at the castle with a catapult. POW!" - Ed tells Chris about Monty Python "You're not going to fling the cow now?"
"What's the point, it's already been flung." - Ed and Chris "Maggie, happiness just wasn't part of the job description back then. You tried to find a helpmate to keep the cold wind and dogs at bay. Happiness just wasn't part of the equation. Survival was." - Holling, about relationships 3.15

Ed, try to figure out which one is least likely to become an unprincipled sleaze bucket.

- Maggie advises Ed on how to vote "Do you realize how many Republicans live on the Upper West Side? Yeah, you're looking at him." - Joel to Maggie "You're a self-serving materialistic pig!"
"A self-serving Republican pig. Thank you very much." - Maggie and Joel Ed, we just witnessed a peaceful transition in government. Do you realize how miraculous that is?...Today, tiny Cicely, Alaska, stood up and put another W in the win category for democracy. - Chris to Ed We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break the bonds of our affection. Lincoln's words to a divided nation, my council to a divided Cicely. - Chris "Sometimes it is said that a man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he then be trusted with the government of others or have we found angels in the forms of kings to govern him? Let history answer this question". - Chris, quoting Thomas Jefferson 3.16

As Bill used to say: "You don't get cold in the bush. You're either warm or you're dead."

- Holling 3.17

"Face it Fleischman, you've made it very clear from the beginning that you were just passing through. You've done everything you can to keep people at arm's length. You know that calendar of yours - I've seen it. You mark off each day with a big black X. You haven't even unpacked. If a rock hit you tomorrow, we would shake our heads, toast your memory, but then Maurice would just buy another doctor.

- Maggie to Joel 3.18

"Sometimes, men, to mask the anxiety they have over their mates' pregnancy, will displace the feelings with physical manifestations of pregnancy itself." "Yeah, or they relieve their anxiety by tearing out the throats of two-bit quacks expounding psychobabble just to hear themselves talk!"
"Hey, it's just a hunch."

- Joel diagnoses Adam 3.19

"You asked me when I was playing Game Boy?"
"You said 'yes'."
"I was playing Game Boy. I wasn't listening. I would have said 'yes' to anything ... to gum surgery."
"You said 'yes'."

- Joel to Marilyn, about asking permission for Leonard to visit 3.20

Some people look at this box, they see a box. You know what I see? The spice route to India. The gateway to the Nile. I see the dark side of the moon. Terra incognito. I see Alaska, people. So, what do you say? Let's be a little human!

- Chris The bane and blessing of human nature. That old cat killer, curiosity. Something so deeply embedded in our psyches that it screams to us from ancient myths of Pandora. Eve. Lot's wife. Eve lost paradise, Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt.
Knowledge doesn't come cheap my friend. Good or bad, curiosity is woven into our DNA like tonsils or like the opposable thumb. - Chris Fleischman, you are just not human! Humans have inquiring minds and a thirst to know! You're just a thing! A rock! A shoe! A two-by-four! A person with absolutely no imagination and curiosity! - Maggie to Joel You were a bear. You were a great big bear. You were wild and you were free. Godspeed, Jesse. - Holling eulogizes Jessie 3.21

"It's a fact, Marilyn, that within a very small range of error you can predict a M.D.'s entire personality based upon his or her field of specialization. Orthopedists are butchers, hammer and nail guys.  Radiologists, country clubbers.  Gas passers tend not to speak English, but female pediatricians
fall somewhere between Jane Fonda and candy stripers in heat."
        - Joel

"For the next three days, I'm going to be surrounded by colleagues. Physicians like myself. Many of whom, if demographics hold, will be under 35 and female and single. It will be like shooting ducks in a barrel, bees to honey, moths to a flame."
        - Joel to Marilyn, about his trip to Juneau

"You know, I'm in such a good mood, O'Connell, that not even you can spoil it."
        - Joel

"Are you delirious? This is my weekend, mine OK? This is my chance to get away from Cicely and meet some other people. Some girls. To have sex with strangers."
        - Joel to Maggie

"Well, you're in luck. The manager has agreed to put you and Mrs. Fleischman in our suite."
"Whoa! I am NOT Mrs. Fleischman."
"Ah well, we don't pry into the affairs of our guests."
"What she means is that we're not together. I mean not in the together sense of together. We might have come here together, but we're not an item. I mean we're barely even friends."
        - Hotel clerk, Maggie, Joel in Juneau

"I didn't fly all the way to Juneau to be stuck in a hotel room with you."
        - Joel to Maggie

"Don't worry Fleischman, I have no intention of cramping your alleged style."
        - Maggie

"Excuse me John, I'm trying to get laid."
        - Joel, with no time for small talk with male colleagues

"O'Connell, the only interest I may have in what you do between the sheets is strictly clinical."
"Yes, naturally as your physician, I'm concerned that you take proper precautions to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, which I assume you did." "Nice try, Fleischman, but you're not going to use the public service announcement to find out if I scored last night."
"Hard as this is to believe, O'Connell, I don't spend my nights wondering whether you've improved your personal batting average or not. What you do behind closed doors is your own business."
        - Joel and Maggie

"Hey Fleischman! You're a boxer man! I always had you pictured as the jockey type!"
        - Maggie

"O'Connell, is this the effects of 36 hours of sleep deprivation?"
"Do you care?"
"No, do you?"
"Wait, stop. We better figure this out."
"Because. Are you sure about this?"
"Fleischman, we're both over 21, single, free, H.I.V. negative...aren't we?" "Yeah, but..."
"Then shut up, Fleischman. For once in your life, just shut up."
        - Joel and Maggie

"Hold that thought."
"All right."
"We'll meet back where?"
"In the middle. Fine. In the middle of whose room? Your room? My room?"
"In the bed."
"The middle of the bed."
"Fine. Whose bed?"
"Just find me, Fleischman."
        - Maggie and Joel

"Yeah, last night."
"What about last night?"
"Yeah, well, uh, well, it was interesting."
"Unbelievable is more like it."
        - Maggie and Joel

"What thing?"
"You don't remember?  You're telling me you don't remember?"
"No, I remember."
"Well, I hope so."
"I remember.  I just, uh, I just, well, I think I'm going to go pack."
        - Maggie and Joel

"I just couldn't face anybody if that got out... I confess there are times when I've actually had certain thoughts about you..."
        - Maggie to Joel

"In dreams begin responsibilities, so wrote the poet.  So it is perhaps.  Could it be we take our dreams too lightly, those images from places unknown?  Could they in fact be angels in flight, our souls aloft?  You know, recent experiences have made yours truly take another pass through the metaphysical
thickets.  As unlikely as it may sound in this rational age, I emerged on the side of those that cannot help but put their faith in that which cannot be easily explained.  Be open to your dreams people.  Embrace that distant shore. Cause our mortal journey is over all too soon."
        - Chris


"I'm a man, Fleischman. We are born with an image of woman imprinted on our psyches. We spend our whole lives searching for the embodiment of that female archetype. And there she sits! In the flesh! You tell me what man could resist the fantasy of having her as his wife?"
        - Adam about Eve

"A lot of strange things about women... They give you every indication that they want you to do one thing when in fact, they want you to do just the opposite.  And the topper is, that they get mad if you don't know that."
"Women have a very difficult time understanding that men are simpler creatures."
"Simpler. Simpler, because we're not wildly irrational?"
        - Joel and Maurice

"You're a man."
"And what? That means I'm immediately guilty of something?"
        - Marilyn and Joel

"I could just kill you Fleischman. How could you not sleep with me! I was lying there in bed prostrate... willing...
"You were asleep!"
"And you couldn't wake me up? ...The first excuse you had you just turned tail and ran!"

        - Maggie and Joel, after their incident in Juneau

"We didn't do anything!"
"Yes we did. We did the most important part, the 'want' part. I wanted you to want me and you did..."
"...What about the consummation part?"
        - Maggie changes her mind about sex, midway into the act

"Maggie, there are two parts to guilty pleasure. If she's going to suffer the guilt, then she should at least enjoy the pleasure."
        - Ruth Anne

"Don't start with me O'Connell. I surrender, I throw in the towel. You win... Whatever it is we've been doing to one other you are clearly the undisputed champion... Face it O'Connell, we're never gonna have a romantic relationship. We're never even gonna have a superficial sexual relationship. You know why? Because neither one of us have the slightest clue what the other one is about. Personally, I can't begin to fathom what goes on in your head. Nothing you do conforms in any way to what I recognise as rational, logical behaviour... Let's just put aside our fantasies. We'll draw a line in the sand. Me on one side, you on the other. It doesn't mean we have to throw stones... What?"
"I dunno... I just... You're a great kisser."
"I am?"

        - Joel, despairing of Maggie

"Crowds... Piece of advice, my friend. In a room like this, you keep your back to the wall, your eyes on the door."
        - Adam to Ed, at his bachelor party

What are man and woman if not members of two very different and warring tribes? Yet decade after decade, century after century, they attempt in marriage to reconcile and forge a union. Why? I don't know. Biological imperative? Divine law? Or just a desire to connect to that mysterious other? In any case, it's always struck me as a hopeful thing.
        - Bernard, on the radio

Marriage. It's a hard term to define. Especially for me--I've ducked it like root canal. Still there's no denying the fact that marriage ranks right up there with birth and death as one of the three biggies in the human safari. It's the only one though that we'll celebrate with a conscious awareness. Very few of you remember your arrival and even fewer of you will attend your own funeral. You pick a society, any society, Zuni, Nudembo, Pennsylvania Dutch. What's the one thing they all have in common?
Marriage. It's like a cultural hand-rail. It links folks to the past and guides them to the future. That's not all though. Marriage is the union of disparate elements. Male and female. Yin and yang. Proton and electron. What are we talking about here? Nothing less than the very tension that binds the universe. You see, when we look at marriage, people, we're are looking at creation itself. "I am the sky," says the Hindu bridegroom to the bride. "You are the earth. We are sky and earth united.... You are my husband. You are my wife. My feet shall run because of you. My feet shall dance because of you. My heart shall beat because of you. My eyes see because of you. My mind think because of you and I shall love because of you."
Now are you guys cool with that?
        - Chris marries Adam and Eve


One person can have a profound effect on another. And two people...well, two people can work miracles. They can change a whole town. They can change the world.

- Ned to Joel, on Roslyn & Cicely There is nothing sadder in this world than the waste of human potential. The purpose of evolution is to raise us out of the mud, not have us grovelling in it. - Roslyn, to Ned in the mud Men are confused. They're conflicted. They want a woman who's their intellectual equal, but they're afraid of women like that. They want a woman they can dominate, but then they hate her for being weak. It's an ambivalence that goes back to a man's relationship with his mother. Source of his life, center of his universe, object of both his fear and his love. - Roslyn to Mary, on attracting a man #

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