Old Scratch - We Sold Our Hole For Rock & Roll

The Characters

Adam Greally: aka The Young Weasel: Possibly Old Scratch's biggest fan, excelling in wearing down people into liking the band. His 19-week radio-annoyathon is still a record. Keen to get into organised crime in the future.

Big Al: aka Alan "Snakebite" Ryan: Frank Mammoth guitar god and part-time gong player for the 'Scratch. Played no small role in the demise of Old Scratch. Achieved his greatest fame by being the central character of the song bearing his name. Went on to form the slowest, heaviest band ever, Twin Earth, with Justin following the demise of Old Scratch. Now living in Blighty and reportedly almost as heavy as the music he used to play while managing a bookie’s at the same time. Simply a Legend.

Big Ken: Man mountain and vocalist for Edible, who featured Martin and Justin in their early line-ups. Joined Old Scratch onstage during the great Bass Surprise show to inspire Mystical Wizard Of The Unknown Information Transformation Formation Proves His Point Yet Again. Commendably, he has never turned his back on Heavy Metal and is now playing lead guitar and singing for blues-rock exponents Downpayment Blues. Rumours always persist of an Edible reunion, especially with Justin currently temporary part-time bassist for Downpayment Blues.

Big Mal O'Kelly: Inspired by his love of Old Scratch went on to become Irish international rugbyer.

Diamond Dave: One time Frank Mammoth member. Seemed to exorcise many lifetime's worth of demons when given the chance to sing briefly for the 'Scratch. The tape is a true collector's item. Born to lose.

Dilly: See "Little Mal"

Ronan Dempsey: A man who could never quite understand and never was understood. Claimed to be a roadie for the Kelly Family, with some pride. He was once rumoured to have hidden in his garden shed for two weeks, while claiming to be away on holiday. Still alive, somwhere.

Gaz Warburton: Old Scratch's roadie. Lived to drive equipment to the shows and score great deals for the lads.

Little Mal: Never let his countryside heritage stop him being a pillar of the community. When not singing with the band, was sure to be in the audience or, at least, out drinking. Now a teacher.

Jono: A Jazz purist and accordion supremo, who relished the chance to jazz it up with the cats from Old Scratch.

Peter Russell: A bizarre character, famed for outlandish stories which he possibly believed but always gave away when he was spoofing by summing up with "No messin!" A drummer of dedication rather than ability with FF, he achieved his life's ambition early by playing bongos for Old Scratch, featuring silently on the demo. His downward spiral started when he joined Frank Mammoth. Now working in finance.

Swag: One string bass king found at the very bottom of the Frank Mammoth sound. His special gift was being able to make any group of words into a football-terrace style chant. Now blonde.

Tall Paul: The long arm of the law working in the Scratch’s corner. Never as useful as he could have been.

...and the band?

Wassie: Now they call him Doctor Walsh. Investigates fatal car-crashes in England for a living and plays harmonica for The Rash as a side project.

Mike: Current whereabouts unknown.

Justin: Fruitlessly tried to get Edible & Twin Earth back together as well as spending abortive stints with Broken Holmes Angry Watson, The Remain and Trusted None and The Chapman Society. Currently doing sessions and producing and also getting some old school Metal together. Top Secret stuff for the moment.

Marto: Not dead as previously believed.