Where to begin is probably the hardest bit to decide, depression,
despair, anti-social, losing of all self esteem, isolation,
loneliness, does this begin to sound familiar.
Our son was Two when we first set about a course of diagnosis and
treatment, (that was five years ago). He was always active, very
active, very very very very active, His day would begin at 6.00
am. (if he slept in). The screams from the cot were our alarm
clock, and we needed a good one as the previous day probably
finished at what 1.00 am? NO 2.00am or even 3.00am.
depending on when we finally gave in and held him till he drifted
off to sleep like the little angel that he was ----- supposed to
be when we found out we were expecting our first child.
Our first port of call was an allergist, was food sweets the
"E's", making him hyper? The results proved some what
positive and he was put on cold turkey every thing he was
allergic to was withdrawn from his diet within two weeks he was
sleeping an average nights sleep, but something was still wrong,
we knew he was not quite like other children. he was more
energetic. Always on the go, full of affection, we had the time
to give him and he got it all, he was , and still is despite it
all, our pride and joy.
His speech seemed a little slow so we mentioned it to our GP. in
passing and he paid attention on the next visit, his
recommendation was to have the hearing checked out to ensure he
was hearing the words correctly in order to repeat them. Hearing
O.K. remedy the speech, along to the speech therapist. A couple
of visits later and he doesn't warrant further treatment. Now
pushing 3 1/2, playschool begins and we are expecting twins (the
best kept secret for nine months). His behaviour starts to get
worse, rough horseplay, just short of bullying. He hung around
with another boy who was extremely rough, this didn't help but we
put his behaviour down to this. Academically the pre-school was
more of a play school and learning did not appear high on the
agenda, as the rough got rougher the class control became less.
When he goes to primary school it will improve, or so we
thought and were led to believe. As our lives degraded into
oblivion and lost all sense of purpose save for the constant
repairs to the house and gardens, five years trying to grow the
same piece of hedging, (planting at least twice a year), they don't
take to well to being trodden into the ground repeatedly.
Thinking as a child it must have seemed great fun to jump from
plant to plant and break every single one, them go back over them
once more for good measure, but still a "NORMAL"
child would learn his / her lesson the first or second time. But
not our son he was A.D.D. / H.D. to him things were different,
being told off was all part of his little game.
One day rolled into another, one week into the next, The strict
routine of school was not agreeing with him, being told, and made
to do what he was told just wasn't on in his book, again
favouring the not completely desirable school pals, his behaviour
became ever increasingly worse and the whole household began to
suffer even more. Life was getting worse, finding a baby sitter
became more and more of an impossibility, with one exception, but
on the whole the general consensus was "will he be up",
"possibly",
" ARGH NO".
He was different, and we knew it for sure. We began to give up on
ourselves and each other, despair now well and truly set in. Our
GP. now at a loss to explain, why such a loving child from a more
than stable home could be so anti-social, and cause such havoc in
his family. A referral to a paediatrician was next on the cards,
from here things started to move towards an end. After a couple
of sessions and reports from the school and our descriptions of
what was left of our home life, and a diagnosis of A.D.H.D.
Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder was made. At last we knew
what was wrong, or did we? A series of trials with stimulant
drugs led to a prescribed treatment of "RITILAN". At
last a cure, alas, no, while his school work increased
dramatically from being kept back in junior infants assessed as
being 5-6 months behind the rest of his class to being equal and
above in just 6 months. At least something was happening for the
good.
School is going well but things are still not normal, oh no, not
by a long shot, behaviour at home and often at school is still no
better, vengeance and violence to his brothers is almost constant.
O.D.D. Opposition Defiance Disorder, as we now know it, playing a
major part of our struggle, I could go on but I'm sure that if
the reader is a parent of an A.D.D. / H.D. child the picture is
all to familiar.
To close. An example of a typical day: Morning begins with
dragging his baby brother from his cot, it's fun to play with him
for 5 or 6 minutes. drag him into mom's bed and wake everyone
else up while they sort out the arguments of who woke who, it's
take the keys and head for the kitchen, "?????" put on
your uniform, "NO, I DON'T WANT TO I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL".
And so the saga continues dress them all for school, or they'll
be late as usual. It's amazing how a simple request like please
sit into the car can mean run around the garden and get your
clothes all muddy and your shoes all wet. But this is just
another side affect of A.D.H.D. Lack of cognitive comprehension.
A break at last he's at school, time to clean up the house before
the human tornado returns doing his impression of hurricane Harry.
Schools out and the torment begins again, all kids are excited
about telling what happened at school, but why does it have to be
when dinner is being prepared. I'll be the dutiful mother and sit
down and listen to you tell me all about it. He's finished it was
nice to here all about it, but wait he's hungry, "Why isn't
there food on the table?" "Because I was giving my time
to you." "but I want food now." Off he goes to
sulk, break something, or beat up his brothers, well HE didn't
get what he wanted that's enough of an excuse for him. While we're
waiting it's time to raid the cupboards. Anything will do, drag
it out, leave it there, "sure it's your job to clean it up
anyway!".
Dad's home time to plague him after his hard days work. Don't
bother taking of your coat you have to fix something outside.
Somebody else. Nobody, The neighbours cat broke it, but it wasn't
me. You get good at reading between the lies (no that shouldn't
read lines). Dinner time now that's an experience one day it's
feast and gorge the next I'm not hungry. What will happen if I
throw my dinner across the table? Gee Dad's really learnt to keep
his temper, Mom's getting good too, I'll have to try really hard
to get some attention from them while they discuss their day's "negative
attention always works best" That's better now their
angry I've got their attention, but their cross with me, I've
done a bad thing. `Sulk'. Loss of self esteem, depression,
violence to get out the anger at himself.
Home work, I don't have any, May I see your diary, "I left
it at school", the lies continue. "There it is, here is
what you have to do come on I'll help you".
"No we don't have to do that page teacher said afterwards we
didn't have to do that one", and the argument begins. Excuse
after excuse. Chronic procrastination, Tidy up and go to bed, but
it's not ten o'clock, I always go to bed at eleven o'clock, why
can't I stay up 'till fifteen o'clock (the kids got imagination).
The calm after the storm, time to tidy up yet again, the same old
routine. Go to bed wrecked get up even worse. This is just my
story. As you have read your circumstances are probably similar.
For support contact your local support group listed on the links
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