“Has the Muse descended already? Do you have to rush away and get it down before it's gone? Go on then... back to your garret. Or is it your drawing-room? I can see you... our local genius... the Portlaoise Man of Letters... reclining like Oscar fucking Wilde! Jesus, you make me sick. This town makes me sick. He makes me sick. My own father makes me sick.”
“Please, Catherine, don't cry.... Are you alright?”
“'Put him into a home and start to live'. Live! And start by making it with you.”
“Stop it, Catherine, I didn't mean it. I don't deserve this.”
“What about me? What do I deserve? I threw everything away. My career,
my friends, my ... sex to care for him... to care for a
vegetable. Do I deserve that...? Do you know what I was thinking? Something that hasn't crossed my
mind in years. I was thirteen, and we were at Tara's funeral. She was my
best friend. She died from leukemia. I received Communion and, when I got
back to my seat, I bit on the host. Chewed it like a piece of gum. I lived in
fear for months afterwards. I couldn't bear to look at a crucifix... terrified
that he would come and strike me down. That's what Mom used to say when
we were sassy. 'Conduct yourselves or Holy God will come and strike you
down'.”
* * *
“They told me that a cop had to pull you away from her. Is that true, Daddy?
Did a cop drag you away? What was in your mind as the ambulance raced
to Mount Sinai? They say that when you're drowning, your past flashes
before you in an instant. Does the same thing happen when someone you
love is dying in your arms? Does your life together flash before you? Did
that happen to you, Daddy? The first evening by the Dead Wall? The Nurses'
Dance? The first time she made love to you? What were you thinking as she
lay dying on the sidewalk? How you'd tell me? How we'd contact Michael?
How do you explain to kids that Mommy is never coming home? Is that
what you were thinking? Please, Daddy, I need to know. Do you remember the hospital, Daddy? Kneeling
beside her bed, screaming at those flowers on the window. 'Look at them, Tess, they're still
alive! Those damn flowers are still alive!' Then you started to laugh. I'll never forget that, Daddy. I'll never forget the way you laughed.” continue
* * *
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