The Bulk of the Evening

One night a friend of mine was visiting. At the same time there were three other guests in the house. I say "in the house" because although in the eyes of the law all four of us were on my property they sat in the dining room and chatted amongst themselves while my friend refused to go in and join them. Instead he stayed in the hall and dissed my furniture and belongings. Here is what he said:

(Of a lamp on the table beside the telephone): That's the wrong colour.

(Of the hat-stand): Mmm. Doesn't really work there. I doubt it would work anywhere, in fact.

(Of a short table for resting a plant pot): Nice. Was it free with something?

(Of the carpet): Hah hah hah.

In addition, he offered that the curtains were "a bloody disgrace" and, regarding the bannisters, suggested that I would be better of chopping them down because they had no place outside of the Third World.

 

(Click The Friend for part 2)