ENNEAGRAM ARTICLES
Discovering the Enneagram
Love in
Brokenness
By Eddie Fitzgerald SDB
There's a sense in which a concentration on dates can end up in a "never mind the quality, feel the width" approach to reality. Fortunately, I've seen enough people half my age who are more mature than I am to buy into that totally. But it's worth making the point in a piece like this to avoid the possibility that newcomers to the Enneagram may feel somehow at a disadvantage by the mere fact that they were not present at the 'original' seminars with people like Ichazo, Gurdjieff, Naranjo, Ochs or whoever.
It makes some sense to know who first taught people the Enneagram, but no sense at all to imply that because they were not taught by an original guru or by an internationally acclaimed teacher, they couldn't later come to a comprehensive understanding by their own observation, study and insight. Indeed, we all stand on the shoulders of giants, not vice versa.
This is by way of my saying thank you to all those who have been my Enneagram mentors over the years. There are too many to name here, but not a day goes by that I do not pray for them, for all Enneagram teachers and for all those who attend their workshops or read their books.
Shortly before he died Donald Nicholl tape-recorded a series of reflections intended to be shared with fellow travellers on life's journey. He quoted a remark of the Russian poet, Tyutchev, that gratitude is the purest form of love. It may not be the highest form of love, Nicholl said, but it's the purest. Why? Because when you're full of gratitude there isn't room for anything else.
Having got that out of the way, the first thing I remember about the Enneagram is a set of badly photocopied notes which had enough on them to whet my appetite for more. I have since had the good fortune to listen to, speak with, or read the work of many internationally respected Enneagram teachers around the world. The first properly printed work I got my hands on was the 1984 book by Beesing, Nogosek and O'Leary. My first set of tapes were those by Richard Rohr. Since then I have added to my library practically everything that has since come on the market. Compulsion has many forms!
A lot of people discover the Enneagram but fail to discover themselves. It is entirely possible for me to know the material theoretically and be able to identify what my predominant style is, but not let it sink down into the rest of my body. This means it doesn't touch my heart or involve my gut but only remains a notional reservoir of information in my head. Really discovering our true self is a life-long process which only commences when we open our eyes and begin to see and understand the implications of our patterned responses to the people and events in our life.
When I first came across the Enneagram it was a real eye-opener. It helped me, momentarily, to wake up to reality, to snap out of my trance, to open my eyes and discover that for so many years I had been little more than sleepwalking through life.
Basically, it gave me a new perspective, a fresh way of looking at myself and others which was clear, concise and comprehensive. I can honestly say that with every day that has passed since then I have discovered more and more about myself and others.
This in turn has led to a never-ending letting go of what I once thought was essential. I am still learning that it is only when we let go that we become empty enough to receive. Each day my 'fair witness' or inner observer discovers ever deeper levels of compulsive clinging to patterns set down since childhood. I'm constantly surprised (and not a little amused) at the way in which my ego-needs for prestige, power and possessions continually give the lie to any claims I might grandiosely make to being a well-rounded human being, one whose centre is so secure that he doesn't have to constantly defend his circumference.
When our world is small, small things loom large. Our Enneagram style limits us, makes us smaller than we really are. Our entranced and fixated approach to life diminishes us and our world. That's why when our ego-needs are attacked, when our compulsive view of reality is contradicted, we can at times react as if our very existence were at stake. Discovering the Enneagram has been a way for me to appreciate at depth that we grow when we risk letting go of our ego-defences, that difference is an enrichment, that no one personality style is better or worse than another, that real understanding brings with it compassion and that, ultimately, love is at the centre of it all.
Since I discovered the Enneagram I have begun to appreciate better the importance of getting out of my own way. In particular, I have begun to see the value of not trying to fix things. People say, "If it's not broken, don't fix it". I think we need to add another insight: "Even if it is broken, don't fix it!" The fact is that when we try to fix things, most often we end up using our own fixated patterns to do the job. We attack our flaws with our flaws, which only compounds the problem. I'm convinced it's much better in the long run to accept our brokenness and vulnerability. As Leonard Cohen put it so beautifully: "There's a crack in everything; that's how the light gets in." When we accept our brokenness we may be surprised at how often things seem to get fixed without our having to make the effort. Perhaps that's part of what Ireneus was getting at when he said: "what has not been accepted cannot be redeemed."
Like others, I sometimes wish that I had known about the Enneagram earlier. But experience has taught me that there is a time for everything. Carl Jung said that if we get rid of the pain before it can teach us its lessons we get rid of the self along with it. Shakespeare was right. "Ripeness is all."
