Updated: 04/03/2007

Overall Stars: Dialogue: Above Average
Everything flowed really nice with the action. The way the dialogue is broken compliments the story. A ot of people try to Tarantino the talk or stagger a conversation through action lines and it throws off the pacing, but here it works good.

The spelling and slang threw me for a sec but then when I seen Gardai, I got it. Be careful though, others with a bit of patience will stop reading after seeing feck too many times. Be clever - not slick.

Clever dialogue always looks better than slick. Slick seems forced.

Characterization: Excellent
For some reson, I keep thinking of the Boondock Saints when I imagine these two. Two ordinary joe schmoes who are in over their head. We root for them, we like them.

Holy shite you bloody bastard - I like Seamus. I have seen this guy before. Not too tall, stocky build, scars on his arms and knees. Wearing combat boots with boxer shorts, scratching himself while he's getting the morning paper! See, that - I got all that in my head from reading Seamus. Use that, if you want. Wish there was more of him in the spec.

Murphy was a fucking turd. Knew it when I first seen him. Never take him too seriously though, that's good. Didn't get too preachy either, that's good. Nowadays - nobody likes a racist anymore. Or a petty theif. It's laughable.

Dont know why Tom annoyed me a little in the first act but hey - that's Tom. I think these guys need to get laid more than they need money. I dont know whatever comes first in their world but it was fun getting there.

Story: Good
It's hard to citique a comedy. It is what it is. For better or worst, this is driven by character flaws, screw up situations and overall suspension of belief and inherit apathy for the looser in all of us blokes. For christ sakes dont just sit on your arse man. Get up, get out and do something!! I get it. And the end reveal seems gimicky but it is funny as hell!! That is the only logical explanation you could come up with and it was good. I'm on page 7 and I'm thinking - where can this story go with this style.

This is a rally cry for pop culture loosers and twenty something movie fanatic slackers who have nothing better else to do than annoy their family members, masturbate to elderly women exercise programs and plot the next big international conspiracy while making a ton of cash off an internet e-mail scheme.

Even in Ireland, I know these guys. I am these guys. That is funny... and quite scary just the same.

Oh yeah... but you never say where the hell we are. Garda, feck, phone box and bloke might go over someone's head in a quick scan of the spec.

Moving on, like the Al Pacino stuff, a bit much but cool to see. The movie influence on Jim makes sense with his thinking. Tom is right behind him, a bit more dense though. Tom seems slow. Plot wise, it tells alot about their decisions - some goofy cats right here. This feels like Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. I know... I know... but it does, unless Flannery and Reedus come calling and beg to take this spec off your hands. I'm dreaming a little here but that's what we're here for. Shite, I'm praying to meet Jeremy Iron's agent so I can pass him my spec.

Somehow I feel like I wanted more. 118 is enough for these two but maybe another adventure in the works, eh?

Overall Stars: Dialogue: Good
Very good-I enjoyed the dialogue once I got into it. Most of the comedy came from the sayings and dialogue of these young Irish lads, which I enjoyed (I'm assuming it's a realistic example of the way young men talk there, being I'm not from Ireland).

Characterization: Good
Good. I thought the characters were very believable and I was able to feel sympathy for them and understand their desires and struggles. A good picture was painted of what the boys' parents were like also.

Additional Comments:
I'm not an expert, but I thought this script was very well written with some great dialogue. Also, I think it might be a bit too long. I enjoyed the fact that it showed what life is like in Ireland for some and what their beliefs might be like. Many elements were very believable. Some parts seemed a little boring to read, but then again these guys don't seem to have a whole lot going on in their lives. I'd hate to advice adding anything because it's already pretty long, but maybe more umph at the end?
 

Overall Stars: Premise: Above Average
Nice premise. Once I got into your screenplay, I was treated to a very enjoyable and gripping read.

Very nice work. Story: Good
I must say, your story is gripping, and kept me reading. I couldn't predict the ending and you have a very good, easy to read style.

Characterization: Excellent. Your characterization is excellent; one of the best jobs I've seen yet. Dave tends to be more impulsive than John. Even Cathy, with her small role, is painted vividly. The parents are done nicely as well. Very nice work. However, it tends to be easy to paint characters when one relies heavily on the use of voice-over. With a constant, running voice-over narrative, it's straighforward to say "I don't like so-and-so because so-and-so is an abusive drunk." That being said, you paint your characters so well that I think you would need just a fraction of the voice over you employ throughout the screenplay. Just a thought. At any rate, I got a good feel for all of your major characters. Nice job.

 Dialogue: Good
The dialogue itself was fine. No problems there. The only ding I would personally give it is that it gets too wordy in places; but that's just a minor observation. It's not too much of a big deal.   All in all, NICE work dude.

Overall Stars: Premise: Above Average
Story: Good
Characterization: Above Average
Dialogue: Average
Additional Comments:
This is a very good concept about two friends going through life and who happen into 9/11 and Iraq. ........
......As far as the overall story, I think it's pretty good. I have to say the backgrounder scenes for Daves lovelife kinda slowed me down. I liked the scenes of him and John as boys. I think you need some rewrites, but that's all in a screenplays work.
Overall, good creative
 

Overall Stars: Premise: Good
Story: Excellent
Characterization: Above Average
Dialogue: Good
Additional Comments:
I've read this script three times and I very much like the story. My critique stems from a strong system that I use in my attempt to help you, the writer, gain success with your story. Again, I applaud your story and believe that it will gain sound recognition;........This script was honestly a refreshing change. Seriously.