Updated: 11/01/2006

......Sean your first ten pages are real solid. Great hook, good opening scene... very exciting.  

You're writing is vertical, your action and  slug lines are tight. .. good luck with it.,.. .

.....a very enjoyable piece that will work nicely on the screen....

....It was an enjoyable read and I think that you have enough there with a little more work to 

make a real top notch thriller out of your sp......    

...Technology Run Amok OK, this premise has been done many times before, and it will be lighting up screens for years to come....

.....Man vs. Machine/Technology is popular I think because we fear what we don't understand.....

....I like the basic story here and how it is updated to the things we "fear" in 2005.

Using a female lead is a good twist and Grace is a good, strong character.....

....The opening was a good bit. I thought I was going to watch a war drama and bam! here is a tech story.....

....This is not the kind of script that I feel I am capable of writing. ....Sean Ryan obviously is very comfortable with the material and it shows.....

.....Good read with a potential for a good film.....

....This idea has been around for a while. However, you put your own spin on it which was refreshing.....

....I enjoyed it and you get HIGH PRAISE for having a female protagonist..... Polish it up a little more and you could really do something with this one....

.....A talented playwright with a germ of a good plot.....

....I really enjoyed this script. The story was well thought out and entertaining. The characters were developed well. The dialogue was good. The script reminded me a little of a Christopher Walken/Natalie Wood film where they were wearing a similar device that allowed them to experience reality-like situations similar to this. I really like how the criminal element was developed though. It might have been a nice twist to have Carlos meet Tommy in cyberspace, but your ending was nicely packaged too....

.....All in all a very enjoyable piece that will work nicely on the screen with a bit of work from the writer....
Nice work....