Updated: 14/09/2006

Note: Jim and Tom were Jimmy and Tommy in earlier drafts – but seemed to sounds to similar for readers.

Overall Stars: Premise: Above Average
Story: Good
Characterization: Good
Dialogue: Excellent
Additional Comments:
To start things off, I really did enjoy this script. I rarely come across a read that actually has me laughing out loud but this one did it. I got a very BOONDOCK SAINTS feel and that was a good thing. You turned that movie into a straight comedy and it went rather well. Your characters were relatable and not over-the-top except maybe in the way they talked but nothing was glaring.

I thought the movie references were great. They weren't campy or cheesy and they actually added to the film moreso than hurt. You were able to work them in in a way that it showed how your characters get wrapped up in the fantasy worlds that they see. Page 5 and page 51 are the bits of the script that stand out most in my mind. You are a good comedy writer, no questions.

I do think, though, that Murphy could've been done different and a little better. To me, he was a forced character to bust out some extra scenes and some extra situations for your characters to be in.

The pellet guns and the robberies were good and weren't overly cheesy funny. The scene with the old woman really did have me laughing aloud. Good job.

A few rough spots though are as follows:

Overall, good job. Comedies that work and actually make you laugh are hard to come by these days but I think you might have done it. Your characters are believable and so are their situations. Both certainly help your cause. Good job and good luck!

Overall Stars: Premise: Good
I like the premise here of two guys just trying their best to make a go in a tough situation. The whole corrupt cop thing has been done before, but I still think it works very well, as does the fact that they're juvenille-minded criminals. Also, if you're shopping this to America, I love the fact that it's set in Ireland and I think that is a huge selling point.

......The story is rather simple, but it's well laid-out. ........

..... Main characters (Tom and Jim) are good. .......Garda Murphy is well characterized and a good character so long as this retains its comedic tone and doesn't fall into really awful melodrama. ....... I love, however, adding Grace to the ending as a symbol of their new life and a woman and a job prospect that is actually open to them. That's a really nice touch, character-wise.

.........To start things off, I really did enjoy this script. I rarely come across a read that actually has me laughing out loud but this one did it. I got a very BOONDOCK SAINTS feel and that was a good thing. You turned that movie into a straight comedy and it went rather well. Your characters were relatable and not over-the-top......

.......The scene with the old woman really did have me laughing aloud. Good job.......

........Overall, good job. Comedies that work and actually make you laugh are hard to come by these days but I think you might have done it. Your characters are believable and so are their situations. Both certainly help your cause. Good job and good luck!.......

I read a very early draft of this some time back. I like it then, but love it now. You have made some amazing and major revisions since then. There are some really funny and visual moments in this. Very good dialogue throughout that is as real as I have read. The two main characters are perfect, young and dumb but likeable. I really thought you were going to do the predictable and have them die. But I was delighted to see them win and evolve. I really can't suggest that you change a thing as it all seems to work well. I really see this as a movie. An Indy directors dream. More fun than those other Irish films I love like the snapper and the Van (amongst others). Just a great, fun, screenplay. That I hope gets picked up. The hard work and passion shines through.

You've created a pair of likeable, funny characters in Tom and Jim; I enjoyed their banter and I really wanted them to get a life.

….Nice work and an enjoyable piece….

This script had some great moments of character comedy. Loved the first line, the Butch & Sundance moment, Kathleen seeing Tom nude and acting like a fool.

This is much tighter it's as if the different scenes are crystallising and thereby becoming clearer, I like the Butch cassidy reference at the beginning you manage to pull it offwell,……

…..Could really see this on the big screen and hope you get snapped up. A starting directors dream(try and pitch it in Ireland, it may be easier). Great movie possibility……

…..Great feeling to the piece, sort of Lock, Stock and Full Monty…..

……This is a really good screenplay. Likely characters, real dialogue, funny scenes…..

…..was into this from the very first page. The characters are very likeable and well developed. The dialogue is some of the best I have read……

The Lone Rangers opens strong with a cliff hanger robbery homage to Butch and Sundance that pulled me right into the story

And that's a lot of Feck. Seriously, this is a solid effort and a quick read.

That said, it's an extremely good screenplay with interesting characters and a great plot progression

This is a fun story w/ a chaotic plot. The characters are well-drawn in that sense of being uniquely familiar. The dialogue is a great example of banter that shows the character, yet reflects the track of the story.

Characters are nicely developed, and their action is logical and consistent . Some strange coincidences move the plot into higher gears, until all is resolved in the best way. Dialogue is interesting and amusing. There is enough physical action to follow the decisions that characters make, and it is sufficiently clear why everything happens the way it happens

I dig this SP. It's fun and you achieved exactly what you set out to do.

these guys are loveable screwups, but screwups nonetheless

I think you have been successful re. your stated aim. The characters are very endearing and sit naturally within the story. In a positive way it all seemed very familiar - probably due to UK TV plays and the type of films I see.

The dialogue was good but perhaps the f word can be used a little less.

Overall it has some cool attitude.

From the onset of the script, I was drawn into finding out how the two main characters wound up in such a predicament

this was a good screenplay. It was nicely paced and very well written. It reminded me a little of the sort of films Film Four used to produce in the late 80's/early 90's.

This script is a whole hell of a lot of fun. You have absolutely nailed the tone of this script, and I bought into it completely. I love the way these two have these lofty goals, and love even more the way things turn out for them. Spot on. The betting shop robbery was detailed pretty masterfully

Good luck going forward, I can really see this being made into a movie

The story, structure, dialogue, narrative, characters are all top notch! Congratulations on revising many potential flaws, without losing any of the humor or charm. I learned just how effective a good revision is here. What are we waiting for? It's ready to go. Two revised thumbs up!

Your two main characters were likeable. I thought that was a great twist with the surrounding of the bank.

Good screenplay. I enjoyed it.

First of all, this screenplay is ideal for a low budget, perhaps DV feature. You did a great job introducing the reader to a relatively new world through great imagery and wonderful setting descriptions. My main problem came with the ending. It was too "sugar coated"……The rest of the SP is excellent and I wish you luck in its future

I thought the dialogue was very realistic and natural.

A well written story but the beginning was typical and a little much....the characters were strongly written and i enjoyed your correct use of dialogue...the ending was well thought out and the script closed on the perfect note...good job on that..the angle that would make this sell is its uniqueness

I'd work on the ending and you might come up with the little independent movie that you're shooting for. Good luck –

Most of these are minor concerns to an otherwise well done script.

Nice work and good luck

This was a really cute story. Felt connection to the two leads, Tom and Jim. Even though they were described as losers, I felt a connection and an empathy for them. I was rooting for them. Loved the dialogue. Really liked the way the story unfolded, really drew me in. Liked the ending too. This story really worked for me. Liked the flashbacks. Overall, this was a charming story that hooked me.

I enjoyed this script. The two lead characters were funny and easy to empathize with. Audiences like it when the underdog bites back, so having two lovable losers going for broke gave the story a little edg

I read an earlier draft of this script, and thought it had a lot of potential. This draft took it up a notch. I liked the new opening with the robbery. It piqued my interest in Jim and Tom immediately, and it froze at just the right moment, creating an underlying suspense to the whole run up to the robbery. I laughed out loud in the trial robbery scene in the supermarket. The scene with the Asian youth was a nice touch, better than the old scene in the record store. Normally, I'd take exception to the length of some of your dialogue scenes, but the dialogue is so great I didn't mind them. It flowed so naturally.You have a real gift for dialogue and character. Tom and Jim are slackers with soul. Their desire and goal of a better life made their antics endearing. Even the secondary characters like Janet and Phillips were well drawn and vivid. Murphy was like a modern day Fagin, using young delinquents for his own gain. His comeuppance was satisfying. I can easily see this as a very successful indie. Great job!

I really like this screenplay, it';s different, but not because me myself can relate to this being that it's like about me sort of with the movies and music, etc. me and my friends always are coming up with plans that never work out yet some do but the ending was cool i thought was great and it was just easy and not boring to read.good stuff.

The dialogue runs smooth and these two characters do sound the part.

I continue to like this engaging script and its fun characters. The writer really brings this duo and their wacky friends to life. The incidences are a bit coincidental, but who cares cause this is rollicking fun. Watching them bungle their way through their crime spree was very entertaining. There are funny lines and bits throughout as when Tom's mother says the rules are that she takes care of the girls and the father 'gets the nutcase'. It's funny that 'We don't make sense'. We really care about Tom & Jim and are rooting for them. So, the ending was also good because we want to see them succeed. I still like that Utopia 1 is playing at the movies. Some phrases I didn't understand: 'celtic tiger me arse' and 'She was cat'. Consider changing them as they are lost on us yanks. Overall, a really fun and entertaining story. Hope it makes it to the big screen.

I quite liked this script. The desperation of Jim and Tom of trying to escape their small town was portrayed really well (so was the friendship between them). The dialogue was a major strong point of the script, except maybe when some of the blocks of pure swearing

I have read quite a few screenplays in my time. Some good and some bad. But I really enjoyed this low budget piece. Two likeable lads, trying to get through life, stuck in a small town. You lead them down the obvious path of crime, where I expected to see the usual movie stuff to happen. But it doesn't, I laughed out loud during the bookie raid and the shop (attempted) robbery.Dialogue is perfect. Reminded me of movies like the snapper (R. Doyle eat ye heart out) and must admit the swearing made me laugh, as I have known people who talk like that. I finished it wanting more, more from Jim & Tom, maybe a sequel. Great set-up starting with the raid, as it's makes us suspect they will die. Hope to see this on the DVD shelf someday.

Loved the dialog. Some laugh-out-loud one-liners. Loved the characters of Tommy and Jimmy. Vividly drawn. Easy to root for. Quick and smooth read..

.....some of the best dialog I've read on this site....

The writer obviously has a gift for capturing the dialogue of unemployed Irish twenty-somethings. It's fun to read, but there could be some pruning and more action here. Also, there are typos aplenty everywhere and some more polishing is definitely in order. this is one of those scripts where the point is their pointless lives, but sometimes they leave me feeling like it's all so...pointless? But still a fun read. --

I liked this script a lot and think it would work as an indie filmmaker's debut picture. The budget wouldn't be huge since the story relies completely on the friendship of its two leads

I have to admit that this script appealed to me. I liked the daily kind of look into the lives of Tommy & Jimmy and their slacker existence - there was fun in it. Reminded me a bit of the energy of The Commitments and The Snapper

This was a well written script. The dialogue had a nice natural feel to it. Tommy and Jimmy were likeable wasters who didn't come off as total losers.

Loved the dialogue….

I enjoyed spenging time with Jimmy and Tommy. The story moved well. I would have liked a couple more little adventures mixed into to the script to really get a taste of life in Ireland among the struggling.

To start with, I enjoyed the screenplay. While I am not Irish, it was cool to envision the actors speaking the lines with an Irish accent. The dialogue definitely seemed believable. It is definitely something that could be filmed low budget and be believable.

I liked the plot line of the two guys being stuck in a small town, which could actually be anywhere in the world, and through sheer luck being able to get out of there to build a better life for themselves.

Guarda Murphy's remark made me laugh out loud for two minutes. .. I was expecting the boys to get blown away. I'm glad they survived. I liked the chaps…..

…'The Lone Rangers' was a well-written screenplay with quick, snappy dialogue…..

…. This was one of the most enjoyable scripts I have read as late. The dialogue was truly realistic and captures the setting very well.I found myself laughing out loud during a couple of scenes (the supermarket , McDonalds, 8 track walkmans and the Butch and Sundance botch up in particular)……

…. Overall, a nice start and a great premise for an Indy film……

….. You've created two enjoyable lead characters and do a good job setting up their dead-end lives. There's a nice antagonistic dynamic between the two and the Guarda and a great payoff between the same Guarda and Mick that I wish was explored more. There are a lot of great characters and relationships (Jimmy's dad and cousin, Tommy's parents) that would enrich the plot if you pumped them up and gave them more active roles in your story…..

You got me hooked on these two boys right from page one. Although they were neer-do-wells, for some reason I liked them….. Stretch it out a bit, it has great comic potential. All in all a good read. Thanks

I almost didn't read because I've read two Irish theme SP's recently. Glad I did. This was funny. Characters, especially Tommy and Jimmy, were well written. Even though screw ups, they were charming in their way. Some good action shots with the boys but also a lot of talking. Might consider trimming some of the dialogue. The first robbery attempt was hilarious.

…. The dialogue is good. I could actually hear it this time. The characters are great and develop nicely. There are some very funny moment here, but there could be even more if some of the expository dialogue were replaced with scenes that show the events as they happen……

….. An entertaining screenplay, the story is well told. It has a good pace and wraps up nicely. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the Irish accents and words were not too off-putting. I enjoyed the reference to other films, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Taxi Driver, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, to name a few. A movie buff’s dream…..

… I enjoyed this light-weight comedy a lot. I loved the intro, and was hooked until the end. The characters were fun, the dialogue fresh and genuinely humorous. The plot was good, but I think there is still room for improvement on the ending…… Otherwise -- good work. Beef up the ending a bit, and you're on your way.

A sweet, likeable, very makeable low-budget sp in need of some structure. The dialog and Irish-isms were wonderful and…. Tighten up the structure and these winning losers will really shine. –

.. I was into this story from beginning to end. Tom and Jim are embraceable characters that I really cared about, immediately. That's how strong your opening scene is. The stop action is well done and the dialogue is great. The scene at the McDonald's drive up is priceless and something we can all relate to….

.. This script works best when Jim and Tom are making a hash of things and there are some genuinely funny moments (the scene with Mr.Phillips reading out the lock combination and the Baryshnikov line had me laughing)….

.. This is a very nice, funny script. The Irish charm shines through the two main characters (Jim and Tom). They grow and become likeable as the story unfolds.I really liked how you started it with the robbery, hooked me from the start….….).I see from your notes you wanted to create a low budget movie. You achieved this beautifully. I could easier see thus as a first time directors dream. Great work……

This script moves right along. Great action packed beginning. It's comic from the get go as Jim objects to the reference to movies where the guys all bite it….. 

…. This story is cute as hell. I loved watching these pathetic losers fumble their way through one misguided attempt after another- you created some great characters, I laughed outloud sometimes. My only criticism would be the very few typos……

… This had an unexpectedly sweet ending to it. I found myself actually really liking it, though it took me a while to warm up to the characters. The Irish brogue helped out a lot of the humor……

… your aim for a low budget flick (read indy) then you have succedded. I would just reccommend shortnening the pages a bit… 

……. The Lone Rangers Review Take Three. It just keeps getting better and better. The action could still be more active. Try not abusing "is" so much. Don't write dialogue within your action. Break it out and write it as dialogue. "Is heard" and "can be seen" are unnecessary. If you wrote it, the audience heard and saw it. I love the dialogue and the funny visuals. I preferred the resort ending in the previous edition, but the new one isn't bad. There seems to be more tension in this version. Good job!…..

…. I loved it! This is a quirky tale of two life long friends in a small Irish town, trying desperately to get out. The humor is offered and not forced. This SP has a lasting charm and a consistant mood to it. I did find some things to criticize that may, or may not be of help. Boston's "More than a Feeling" will send your low budget through the roof….. I read this with a heavy Irish accent and a big American smile. I laughed my ass off on Pg 83! You are a very talented story teller. Two big thumbs up!

Hi Sean,

I just read " The Lone Rangers ". I thought it was really entertaining.

 I'm giving it EXCELLENT across the board. I cant post my review until

tonite. Just figured I'd tell you . I hate waiting for reviews ( good or bad )!

I laughed my ass off when the pellet gun set off all that shooting!

Very funny movie!